Things to do when you’re looking for love or hitting the refresh button on your current love life

** I am no expert. This is what I would say if I were asked for my honest opinion.**

Get a relooking
There’s nothing like losing a few extra pounds to kick-start a love campaign. This is not about going from a size sixteen to a size zero. This is about giving yourself a relooking if you haven’t had one in a while or if you think you need one. Relooking is French for makeover. It’s my belief that when you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, there’s some positive energy around you that draws people to you. You can always tell when a woman knows she looks good, she’s confident and that’s very attractive. Update that wardrobe and be happy – very happy – with what you see before you walk out of the door. So, if you’re looking for love or need to hit that refresh button, go ahead and do what you have to do in that area.

Get interesting
So, what’s interesting about you? What do you spend the majority of your time doing? What are you involved in? Don’t be one-dimensional. Take up some hobbies, go out with friends, join a massage club, volunteer, frequent your house of worship, become a member of your library, become a mentor, go hiking, try rock climbing. Do something. Just don’t do one thing and one thing only. That’s plain old boring and who likes boring? If you’re already in a relationship, this is a yes-yes (as opposed to no-no). Pick up new and interesting things OUTSIDE of your relationship so that you have something new to talk about.

Get out
Don’t stay home all the time. Go somewhere. Find something to do. Definitely don’t sit around waiting for him to show up at your doorstep. Sure, if you think he might come in the shape of the FedEx guy. (Nothing against FedEx guys, just saying no one really comes up to your doorstep these days). Go out and visit friends in another part of town or go out and get your nails done. Just get out of the house. Connect with the world. It’s all part of being multi-dimensional.

Get friendly
Be open to new friendships. Make friends with people in your immediate surroundings – work, church, gym, wherever. If you’ve seen someone more than once. Actually, three or more times, introduce yourself and just make conversation. They kind of know you anyway.

Get online
Three words. Match. Dot. Com. I can’t say it enough. I know three married couples that met online. Yes, they are Naija. Why are we so close minded? If you don’t like going out, go online. What’s the harm? You are indoors, in your comfort zone. Dangerous? So is meeting someone randomly at the gas station. These days, you have to be very careful but I think the online space can be used to make conversation and to prepare yourself for off-line dating. Just see what’s out there. Okay, if you’re not ready for online dating sites, definitely be on facebook. Hi-5 is kind of old now but use facebook to re-connect with people you already know or to meet people that your friends know. Oh and by the way, definitely have a cute picture on your profile. None of that question mark nonsense if you’re looking. And definitely don’t be caught with any crazy pictures online. If you’re looking kind of questionable in someone’s picture, be sure to ask them kindly to take it off or at least remove your name from the tag. If you’re already in a relationship, don’t go online looking for relationships. That’s a no-no.

My first Valentine's Day with BOB

This is our first Valentine’s Day with baby on board. This is the first Valentine’s Day that we haven’t had plans. The first Valentine’s Day with no late night after-work dinner. The first Valentine’s Day without flowers? The first Valentine’s Day without a gift? I don’t know. DH hasn’t given me anything yet. No flowers delivered to my job. For the past seven years, I’ve had flowers delivered. At first it was embarrassing. Everybody was like na wa for this your toaster o. I was embarrassed but definitely feeling the love. Year after year, I got something at work and then again when I got home. After a while, the mailroom guys started saying things like see you this time next year. Now, I’m sitting here expecting a lil’ something wondering if I’ll have to make the decision about whether to leave my flowers at work or enjoy them at home?

Maybe this year is supposed to be different. I don’t know. The other day, despite the frigid weather, I took Blu out to buy DH’s gift. I never really bought him anything on V-Day. I’m a me chick. I don’t usually do for him. I felt I owed him something because he’s been nice and I haven’t really reciprocated the niceness. I planned to leave it by his bedside table to surprise him in the morning when he woke up. Instead, the me inside surfaced and said, “How about you just hold on to see what he has planned for you?” I know, that’s not the business.

Maybe this year is indeed supposed to be different. Maybe I’m supposed to be the one doing the toasting. Maybe I’ll give him his gift at dinner and buy some tickets to see Ms. Scott. Surprise him like he surprised me with Stevie tickets. How do grown folks do Valentine’s Day? Is this what I should be expecting the rest of my life? Maybe it’s temporary until Blu gets out of the house. WooHOO! 18 more years of this. Nice!

I Don Tire

Have you ever been in a position where you were tired of everything including yourself? I am just fed up with quite a bit and I'm lashing out unfairly at people closest to me. Here's a list of what's annoying me and why:

• My nanny situation: From Nanny #1 to Nanny #2 and now to perhaps Nanny #3 and Nanny #4. Yes o, in such a short time, I have gone through so many nannies. Nannies 3 and 4 are the most current. They know each other and want to do a work-share with each working a few days a week. Being in the sorry (read desperate) situation I'm in, I agreed. I am in agreement until the daycare we want has an opening for Blu.
• Work: This is related to the above situation. I've had to bail out of work so many days in a row that I might as well be a stay-at-home mom. The other day, Blu had a 103 degree temperature and I found myself torn between taking him to the emergency room or getting to my 9 o'clock meeting on time. Guess what I chose? I hate that I was even put in that position. In the car, I broke down and shed some major tears. That must have been my first mommy meltdown.
• Workout/Trainer: So I made DH my trainer. Who begged me? I hate running and he wants us to go running five times a week. Rain o, snow o, wetin consign him, we must run. I haven't told him that he's been fired. Today, I signed up with a new trainer. Shhhh... I don't know how to break the news to him. Maybe over dinner.
• Moi: I am just in a sucky mood. DH has been calling me a lot and instead of being nice/pleasant, I told him he was blowing up my phone. That didn't go too well. Bad timing as tomorrow's Valentine's day.

Free Day!

I have a rare day off tomorrow and I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. The plan is to make use of the day to the fullest as in, not waste a single minute. I fear the day will go to waste if I don’t have a plan. So here’s the plan:

8:00 am – Hand Blu over to his Nanny and run off to the gym
8:35 am – Yes o, just 30 mins at the gym. That’s enough for a sister. Anyway, shower, get dressed.
9:00 am – Drop off the stuff I need to mail at the post office. Maybe some eviction letters included as some people are getting on my nerves.
9:30 am – Hit the shops. I have a $10 DSW certificate. I MUST buy something from that big ol’ store. Speaking of big ol’ things, it’s time for me to replace my tired over-sized purse that I use for a laptop bag and I also need an over-sized jacket for this weather. I don't know how I can go to two different places in the space of two hours.
11:30 – Get nails done, get brows waxed. It’s been a while since my brows felt some hot wax.
1:00PM – Orthopedic appointment. My yeye trainer broke my arm.
3:00PM – Hit more shops. Maybe get my hair cornrowed. I’m getting tired of the weekly salon visits. This back to natural thing might be for the birds. Besides, this yeye running messes with my hair.
5:00PM – Get my Mexican. I can’t forget that.
5:30PM – Sayonara, Nanny. Hello, Blu.

Advice for 2008

I got this from a friend and some of the points the writer made struck a chord with me. The first one about discarding people or events that do me no good, for one. I noticed that after the birth of my son, I have been cautious about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. There are so many friends that have had to go and not necessarily because they were bad but because they didn't add value to my life or weren't positive. Anyway, enough talk. Here's the shortened version of someone's "Good Points for 2008". Some apply and some don't.

Good Points for 2008
Best Wishes in 2008!!
o Go through your cell phone, caller id, calendar, and email addresses and discard all the people and events that mean you no good or don't benefit your life!
I sure will. There are some people I ain't called in a while and something tells me I am not going to call them any time soon.
o Stop making excuses about your life and make changes!
True.
o If you are involved w/ a person, job, or circumstance that is doing more harm than good, do yourself a favor - LET IT GO!
Hmmm, this applies to many someones I know.
o Take care of your kids and devote a weekend or two when you spend "quality" time with them. Who cares if you miss out on a "mix"! You can
party anytime!
Okay, no nanny this weekend. She was scheduled to come for no particular reason. I'll ask her not to come. Next weekend though is a different story I've got something really exciting going that doesn't involve kids - Mama's gotta get her groove on.
o Get your debt in order! Eventually you'll want a nice home and car in your name!
In my case, you'll want to borrow money for business. So girl, keep your money straight.
o Listen more! Talk Less!
I agree. My lips are sealed.
o Tell him no for once!
Why? Whad’he do?
o Tell people you love them before your hear about some great tragedy inthe world or lose a close friend!
This is tough. I am Naija we don’t really say “I love you”.
o Stop being someone's mistress; especially if you are aware that youare!!!!
o Stop waiting on Tax Season and Save Now!
Wasn’t really waiting on tax season, Uncle Sam isn’t that generous. I do have to save a lot more though.
o Eat what you need and not just because you can!
This is so true. I need to cut back seriously.
o Be more positive and stop being a grouch!
Can I be a grouch in the mornings though?
o STOP HATIN! If you don't like my style, DO YOU!
o Start telling your children that when you're having a "grown folks" conversation, they need to go play. (Remember back when)
This is true. I see so many kids gleefully listening in on grown folks’ conversations. People, you can’t really code in your native tongue. Your kids are sharper than you think.
o Men and women! Cry more! It's therapeutic.
o Stop tripping about not being where you want to be! What have you beendoing to get there?!?
I am so guilty of this. I capital B all the time about how I am not where I want to be but don’t do anything to get there.
o If you aren't in relationship, it's not the end of the world! Self loveis waaaaay more valuable!
o Keep your opinion to yourself! We all know what others should do, but what about you?
This reminds me of a story about this HIV positive woman in Naija that was featured on CNN. She said “I have HIV but what about You?” People would sneer at her about her status but really, what about you/me?
o If God delivers you from a messy relationship, friend or situation, whydo you keep PULLING THEM BACK? Let it go!
I love that - delivered - sometimes we do need to be delivered from certain relationships, friends, or situations.
o FORGIVE! FORGIVE! FORGIVE! All of us have been forgiven for some low life things! So open your heart! Remember - God forgave you.
o Learn a new hobby! Broaden your mind.
True. I need to learn to bake. I have been saying that forever.
o If you're single, start going on more dates with different types of people. Don't just stick to the same type of woman or man!
Again this applies to many someones.
o Stop forwarding all the text messages you receive; everyone doesn't have unlimited text messages!!
LOL!
o Lastly, if it's only 5 minutes a day have a little talk with Jesus! Let Him know you want to be better today than you were yesterday and watch Him turn things around for you!
So true.

What Do You Do All Day?

People often ask, "What do you do all day?" when they find out I am on maternity leave. Silly question. What else is there to do? I take care of my baby all day, init? What else could I be doing? People that ask that question seem to think that I am sitting pretty eating bonbons and watching tv. While I must admit to having watched more than a few Bridezillas, What Not to Wear, Whose Wedding Is It Anyway, and just about any other show on WE tv or Style Network, I am all tved out at this point and there is a lot more to this phase in my life than leisurely living.

Seriously, I don't know how full-time stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) do it. I get so tired trying to juggle everything! There's always something to do. Whereas at work, my nine to five, I get some downtime and a lunch break on top of that. I just had an epiphany - the difference between moms who work at home and outside the home is that one has a start time and an end time. A nine to five can be just that - from 9am to 5pm. Not so much when you work at home. Not that I am complaining - I get to be with my son Blu all day long and his dad is jealous that he can't do the same. It's a blessing and a privilege to be able to spend this time at home with my son. Apart from the obvious bonding, I get to see him smile (which is still rare at this stage), hear him make the funniest noises, and decide which of his baffs he is going to wear that day before he gets too big and outgrows it.

I am really not looking forward to going back to work at this point. Well, sometimes I really really want to go back. It would be nice to get away from the expectations people place on a wanabee SAHM. I feel bad when my house is in a mess and people come over. Surely, they must be thinking, "What does she do all day?" Also, shouldn't there be food - cooked food - in the house if I am home? I think it is rather expected and sometimes I just want to go back to work so that I don't feel as guilty for not having it together. It is safe to say that I couldn't a full time SAHM. I am not cut out for housework. I would love to be a SAHM but don't nobody expect me to cook and clean. If we ever decided that I would stay home, my job would be to hang out with Blu - feed him, dress him, take him to the park and on play dates. I can do laundry and cook a few times a week but that's the most I can commit to.

Back ON the Saddle

Is it on or in the saddle? I am using on because it has this connotation of more control. As in, I'm on top of things versus letting things overwhelm me. Anyways, all is well. I am counting down to the last two or three weeks of school. For most (two) of my classes, we've got two meetings and then it's bye bye forever. I've had what I hope is my toughest final in all my classes. That was on Wednesday. Once again (meaning I did this on the last exam), I stared at the paper for a while not quite knowing which way to go with my answer. I got through the exam so-so and then the next morning I woke up feeling somehow that my answers were wrong. God help me on that one. If I fail, I don't graduate. How about that for some cheery news?

Anyways, today is Saturday and I'll be working on two of my projects. Not a great way to spend Saturday so here's what else I'll be doing: I'm going to get my eyebrows waxed - It's been like a month so they are looking muy (very) bushy. That should lift me up cause I've been feeling kinda yoogly. Also, I am going to the MAC counter at Bloomies (where the make-up artists are hotter) to return the NC45 I bought for my sister. (Yes, you - Since you don't need it any more, I will be exchanging it for some eyeliner or gloss and pocketing the change.) I am walking to the mall so that should take care of my exercise for the day. While I'm at the mall, I'mma pick me up a new bra from VS. Yes, sad state of affairs so I am taking advantage of the $10 off coupon I got in the mail. It's funny how I don't think Victoria's Secret has the best bras but I find myself going there for such things by default. Seriously, my most comfortable bra is one that I got for $10.99 from Target but they don't have it any more and I can't read the name of the brand to search for it online hence VS is going to get my $$ today.

When I'm done with all that. I'm going to head home or to Borders to face my projects. How about that for a Saturday? At some point, I'mma have to go to the farmer's market to pick up some fish. Earlier this week, one of the scrolls at the bottom of the screen on CNN said that the chicken is a distant cousin of some kinda dinosaur. That definitely put me off chicken for a while (I'm sure this is a very temporary feeling). It's going to be chicken of the sea for me and my household for now.

Le Monde Sans Tunji

We have lost our darling nephew
It is so painful to imagine a world without our darling TJ Maxx
There’ll no longer be “Tunji, do the honors…”
It’s painful to imagine summers without Tunji
IHOP has lost its biggest fan
There’s one less soccer fanatic in the world
One guy is missing his brother
Two girls are missing their brother
Countless aunts and uncles are missing their nephew
We can’t imagine what his parents must be going through
TJ we’ll miss you
Ever so dearly
Your mom says you knew we loved you
We truly did
Always and forever

Life Is Good

It's so easy to whine about life and how things don't always go my way but here are some reasons why life is good:

• Despite health scares - some of it caused by me being a hypochondriac, I am healthy.
• We got some dining chairs that I LOVE. Y'all need to see them. Totally cool and on SALE. They are plush and comfortable. Vastly different from the earthy looking ones we had going, these totally change the entire look of the place. Spur of the moment purchase but absolutely no regrets.
• Hung out with three of girls from my inner circle back in the day this weekend and their new families. I am so happy that we are in touch and still have each other's best interest at heart after almost 20 years of friendship. How cool is that?
• Oh, and one of my friends betrayed me recently and I'm okay with it because I knew she would. Actually, make that two. Two of my girls - not just one. You can't tell someone something and expect them not to tell anyone. Girls like to talk. I knew they would that's why I only give such gist about myself and nobody else. If it gets out, it's my gist. Besides, I half-expected it to anyway. I let the major culprit know that I knew what she had done and kept it light. We're still cool. Back in the day, it would have been a huge deal. These days, I'm like whatever.
• The least likely of my girlfriends kept her word and it feels good because she'll be the only one I'll be sure of in the future. Need to give her kudos for doing that. I so threatened her. I'm glad she didn't drop the ball.
• Moving on. I got asked to do what I call an ise iya (don't really know how to translate this but it's pretty much something my oga asks me to do that I don't feel like doing). It involves me doing a web & audio training for people to access time and time again. I didn't really want to do it because I don't like the idea of having my voice recorded like that for some reason. Also, I wasn't sure I could maintain the phonetics for that long without resorting to my Naija-speak. I guess I also don't want to hear in the hallways: "Who did that recording? They sure had an accent." Spoke to DH about it and ended up not feeling so bad about having to do it. Life is good when you can turn a negative into a positive.
• What else? Oh yeah, my scale broke. Not literally. It stopped working and I had to toss it out. I haven't been able to weigh myself in my usual everyday compulsive fashion since November maybe. Anyways, I sure have packed up some pounds since that time and the good news is that I am totally loving my body as it is right now. Really weird, but hey, I ain't lyin'.
• An old friend said she saw some pictures of me and asked if I was pregnant. Comments like that have the propensity to upset me and I will probably post about how inappropriate it is to ask if a woman is pregnant in the future. Normally, I can't stand when people ask that but I said to her, "No, I was just fat." Life is good when I say stuff like that without being sarcastic. If I looked preggie in that pic, it was because of the extras. And I really thought I was looking good with my mohawk and cutesy strapless dress. Moving on before I get mad about that.
• DH and I did three miles yesterday around us. I finally got a chance to show him houses that I had been eyeing. God knows if I lived in one of them, I probably would never want to move back to Naija. Okay, that last sentence does not fit in there. The point of that was we finally worked out together for the first time since a long time.
• When we got back, he made eba while I was in the shower. We had been debating about getting Chinese or cooking on our way home. I know. That's why I am fat :-)
• It's Spring Break this week. It's not the same as when you're in undergrad and can literally check out for a week. However, I get to come home and stay home. What that means is this, I am living my pre-grad school life for a week and it feels good.
• I discovered this place that does dry cleaning for $1.50 a piece. That is so ridiculous! Spring jackets too! I tried them out by only giving them eight pieces and there were no oil stains or other foreign stains on any of my clothes when they came back. I am totally going back there.
• Despite using most of my bi-weekly allowance (more on this later) to get my hair braided, I didn't go back to the ATM for more money to tide me over the next two weeks. This cash-only thing might work and that's a good thing.
• Last but not least, I'd been feeling bad about having to drive my bashed car like that to work but as I was leaving for the day, I saw one green Camry that's way way bashed. Kinda funny to feel good about not having the worst looking car on the block.
• Oh, and finally, finally. I am so on a roll when it comes to getting our last two properties rented out. DH says he's got his wife back because something in me just sparked and I've been aggressive about getting these places rented. I placed ads on craigslist and in the paper and I have (yes, TWO) open houses on Saturday. I'll be at one from 10:00 am and eight people have confirmed that they'll be coming. DH will be at the other from 11:00 (good wife that I am, he gets to sleep in) and four people have confirmed they'll be there. The best part about that is that we had those numbers as of Wednesday. Who knows how many more will call because surely, not everyone will show up. The best best part is that I have two people so serious about the one I am showing that one wants to meet, sign a lease and put a down payment on the place today. The other says he'll fax in his pay stubs as proof of employment. If all goes well, I might have to cancel my open house and guess who'll be sleeping in? HaHAHAHAAA!!! (wicked laugh)