Telling my side of the story

WARNING: I'm not that deep.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Flirting with 160

I'm flirting with 160 these days. I'm steadily becoming friends with this number. It's hard to imagine that when I was shaping up for my wedding, I was embarrassed by 147 when I stepped on the scale in front of others at the gym. It's funny how I remember every weight from age 15 and up. Weight is something we talk about constantly in my family - particularly on my mom's side. We seem obsessed with the scale. On my mom's side, thinner was better. On my dad's side thick wasn't bad at all. Right now, thick ain't that great for me. I definitely feel thick for the first time in my life. I've always been considered thin but right now, I've moved way past my size 4 roots. I chilled with 6 for a very long time. In fact, I was happy to be a 6. It felt like such a nice size for a woman. Nothing to be embarrassed by if asked for one's size. I dealt with 8 for what seems like a minute and a couple of weeks ago, tried on a pair of pants in an unbelievable 10! I've definitely got to do something. I'm in a battle that's both mental and physical. Mental because it's causing distress - I'm not digging the way I look these days. And physical cause it's a lot of work and nothing seems to be working. I must admit that I love food and only work out when I feel like it. I really do have a love-love relationship with food. Nothing to be bitter about. I only eat what I love. Even when I'm consciously eating salads and soups, I make it pleasurable. It would be torture for me to eat something I actually do not enjoy.

When speaking about weight loss, Oprah often says it's a decision that you must make. A decision. Meaning, something happens in your head and you say enough is enough. That happened a couple of weeks ago and I hit the gym three days in a row. Right now, I'm back to not feeling like it. I'm in a little bit of rut and have to find something that works. It'll most likely be a combination of cardio and weight training. On the days I go to the gym, I feel like I've conquered something. It's that much of a struggle. If I spend time debating it, I lose to self. Meaning that I don't hit the gym. This spring, I'll go back to activities I enjoy - walking, biking, and working out with friends. It was easier for me when I had a group of girls to work out with. Made it less dreary. I might also go back to journaling my meals so that I see what I'm doing. Keeping a food journal in the past helped me visualize my eating patterns. I liked doing fitday because it showed my intake of protein, carbs and fat. With fitday, I made a conscious effort to eat better cause I love a challenge and liked to see that I was eating right and within the goals I had set for myself. It would be good to leave this 160 alone for real.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

He Will Stray But You Have to Forgive Him

Stayed out late talking to my girls about moving back to Naija. It was pretty interesting what came out from that conversation or rather what turned out to be the focus of that conversation. In our desire to go back, we were talking about some things that we need to take into consideration - jobs, housing, whether or not it is possible to get by without hiring domestic staff (that in itself would be a topic for another day but suffice it to say that Alice - 100% American-isn't keen on it), traffic, and finally, Naija men in Naija! We secretly fear that our men will change in that environment. I don't know what else to call it except compare it to a lion getting his territory back.

In talking about moving back to Naija and the pluses and minuses, why do Naija men and their actions have to be on the potential problem list? Nneka just recently got back from a scouting trip to Naija and says it is appalling how men cheat on their wives openly without recourse. It makes us all sick. My take on it was that when it all comes down to it, women want to be married so badly that they'll take anything to stay in the marriage. They don't want the divorcee stigma and all that it carries so they'd rather stay in a bad marriage than be divorced. People tend to blame everyone else but the man for his role in a bad marriage. My take on it is that we need to hold our men accountable for their actions. The two people in a relationship need to be held accountable for their actions, that goes without saying. We need to have rules of engagement. It is not okay in our books for them to do what they like. We need to tell our friends that it is not okay, it is not acceptable. We need to teach our daughters to demand more from their men. To demand full commitment to their relationships, the running of their homes, and the raising of their children. I don't know where my fire comes from but I have always been like this. This is a topic I am passionate about and it spills into the way women are treated in our society. I fear that I might in the minority when it comes to expecting more from our men.

In our culture, if he cheats, then it's natural. I remember someone telling me during the family blessing time (The period of time after the reception when both families separately pray for the new couple) that, "He will stray, but you have to forgive him". I was too tired to say anything but who says that to a newlywed on her wedding night? We smiled at each other because we both know the deal. We still quote that 'uncle' (he was a friend of a friend) to this day. Anyhow, to get back to last night. The general consensus in Naija seems to be that it is that it is okay for men to cheat. It is even expected. Men who don't are mocked and the butt of jokes. Not all men cheat. Of that I am sure. However, I wonder what keeps those who don't from straying when it's okay to cheat?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Rest in Peace, Dana Reeve

I am sick with grief at the loss of Dana Reeve, superman's wife. I pray that her soul may rest in peace. My heart is truly broken for her son, Will. I wonder who will raise him and take care of him. He's only 13. She had such a lovely spirit. Loving and supporting her husband through his illness. She gave a new meaning to the vows "in sickness and in health". She's an inspiration to both women and men. She was amazing, not only to her family but to others. She stood up and fought for people with spinal cord injuries. Lending her voice two weeks after her husband died to John Kerry's presidential campaign and drawing attention to the need for research to improve the quality of life of people with spinal cord injuries. I watched her interview with Oprah and was amazed at her courage despite her diagnosis of lung cancer. There was something so profoundly honest about her. Her relationship with her son seemed so pure, so deep. They seemed to have such a special connection, a deep understanding of one another. Why, why, why did this happen? Perhaps Christopher struck a deal with God and asked to have his wife by his side. Will, you will be okay. Stay strong and be the resilient person your parents have raised you to be. God bless you, Will!

Sunday, March 05, 2006

I can and I will

I can't believe it's been over a week since my last post. I figured once I started blogging, I'd never stop. Wrong! There has just not been enough time. Where to start? I'm really excited today or rather, right now. Just thought of a new business venture that would take me to Nigeria pretty often. Sometimes, I wished I wasn't attached to my job so I could do whatever takes my fancy. This is huge! I pray to God that it works out because one of my goals in life is to help others and this definitely would be helping to provide jobs - hence the help others thing I was talking about.

My entrepreneurial friends and I often talk about doing business in Nigeria and all that it entails. It seems that the government is doing a lot to encourage foreign investment in Nigeria but what about the infrastructure? How is my business plan going to work if I don't have electricity? What about transporting my goods? How does that work? My ideal business would involve trading with other African countries and expanding outside the continent. Who makes this feasible? How does trade within the continent work with the many barriers to free movement? I understand it is possible to go to Ghana and as far as the Ivory Coast by road but at what level of frustration? It is difficult enough going to Cotonou from Lagos, I would be hard-pressed to venture further. All this just makes one want to give up but when there's a will, there's a way. I'm one to try things at least once and this new venture is something I'm willing to try.