Clothing Drive Update

I have been meaning to put up an update about the clothing drive for children in Rwanda and Nigeria. A few weeks ago, I got an email saying that the first batch of clothes had arrived and how happy they were to have received them. In true African tradition, it was filled with prayers and well-wishes for all those who had helped. It was so sweet, so touching that I decided that I would continue the drive through the end of the year.

Since then, I’ve asked for family and friends to donate more clothes, toys, books, blankets, bottles, and all things kid-related. I have already received quite a bit for the next go-round. It’s all been so great. I am amazed at how generous people are. One co-worker who takes public transportation to work dragged two heavy bags from the train station all in the name of helping people she doesn’t know. It was really cool. As I dragged the bags to my car at the end of the day, I was in plain awe of her dedication.

Of course there has also been the down-side of people not fulfilling their promises. Actually, that’s not so bad. I love that they are interested enough to say they’ll do something. We all lead very busy lives so I understand if they are not able to get to it. What wasn’t too cool was not getting any kind of reaction from folks that you think would want to help. You know, getting a blank stare. Like, whatever. I am not an overly sensitive person but that kinda hurt for whatever reason.

Forget that. This post was really to say that it worked! I am thrilled that the “eagle has landed”. I am ecstatic at how well-received the clothing drive has been. Despite all my initial worries, it has gone well. The clothes were not ‘stolen’ or sold on the black market like some people said they would. They got to their final destination intact and that gives me hope for the other batches en route.

Clothing Drive

So, I've got the wheels set in motion for my clothing drive. February 16th is the deadline for my family, friends, co-workers, etc to give me new and gently used clothes for my children. My children = the children (1-18) in the orphanages in Naija and the newborn babies in Rwanda. I am so glad to have gotten it off the ground. I actually started telling people last year but received a couple of nasty emails.

There's always a silver lining though. One of my friends has been so super collecting donations on my behalf. This past weekend, she dropped off bags and bags of clothes and she's got more coming. God bless you, B! My lil' sis has also donated some new clothes fresh from France. God bless you, GB! So many people have promised to clear out their closets before my deadline. It's all wonderful. I can't wait to box them all up and ship them off to their final destinations.

DH and I somehow got talking about how many pens we have in the house. It's ridiculous. We have loads and loads of pens. It's also funny because at my desk at work, I always have to scramble to find my one lonesome pen. Anyways, I grabbed a handful on my way out the door ('cause I'm tired of looking for that one biro) and he was like why don't we ship some to Naija. I found that in itself so funny. Ship biros? Alrighty then. He was like, what if we got boxes and boxes and shipped them to kids in Naija schools? We talked some more about it and thought maybe after this clothes drive, we'll do a school supplies drive and find a school in Naija that we'll supply with all manner of school supplies. Neat, ain't it? We'll see about that if people aren't tired of me by then. Asking for donations can almost seem like begging. You have to be strong-willed about it.

I'm still looking for someone to ship my stuff to Naija and Rwanda. I heard there's some guy that'll ship for $2 per pound. That doesn't sound like a bad deal. If that doesn't work out, I'll use the good old US Postal Service. I'm hoping I can get a reliable shipping agent though. Anyone knows one in Atlanta, please let me know. I've heard of some people that'll do it but you have to get the stuff to New York.

The Who's Your Daddy, Do You Have Money, and What Have You Done With It Award

Whew! That's quite a mouthful! I totally respect what the future awards are all about but when I saw the description of the Best Use of Goodwill award, I had to say, "Give me a break, people!" Isn't that classism at its best? When will we ever evolve from being an elitist who is your daddy type society. Come on y'all! This is supposed to be a forward thinking group yet they come up with this type of thing?

When you first read the words "Best Use of Goodwill", this is certainly not what you'd expect - at least not all of it. Here's the description of the category directly from their website:
"Best Use of Goodwill Whilst we intensely admire those who have been able to do well in spite of their disadvantaged backgrounds, we also appreciate those young people who have been able to use fame, acclaim, success, popularity, achievement, love etc to achieve something great either for themselves or for their society. Children of accomplished and/or famous Nigerians who have used their parents’ name wisely and effectively for positive ends are those we seek – so this award is for young people from a famous and/or wealthy parents/families but who have been able not only to work hard via an active engagement with the Nigerian environment, but who have also taken advantage of their family’s goodwill to make a positive impact on society."

I don't know but if I were a child of Chief, Doctor, Honorable, Your Highness so and so and I were actively involved in making a positive impact on society, I would be totally offended by this award. I mean, if I worked hard and did my part to make things better for others, I would hate to be short-listed for this award simply because I was the child of Chief, Doctor, Honorable, Your Highness so and so and I did something good for my society. Those two things are mutually exclusive. I would want my achievements to be noted just for what they are and not because of my family's background. We need to stop putting people on a pedestal just because they come from a well-known family and/or have money. So many people who don't come from those backgrounds still give back. Where's their award category? Okay, don't go setting up an award category for the Your Daddy Ain't Got No Name or No Money But You Have Done Great Things In Our Society award. That would just be as offensive.

Totally Uninspired

I'm at this stage in my life where I need to take concrete steps to make my life more meaningful. That sounds so cliche but I need to do something MORE with my life. I have tons of ideas but I haven't been inspired to take the next step. My mind's been working overtime and there's been pressure from DH to do SOMETHING already but yet nothing. Maybe I need to take a trip to home country to get some motivation. It always helps spur me into action or at least gets my creative juices flowing.

Here's one idea I have floating around - I think I may have even blogged about my experience visiting the Motherless Babies Home in Lekki and seeing a little boy dressed in little girl clothing. I want to organize a clothing drive specifically for kids. I have tried to talk to my friends about this but somehow the conversation turns back to them/us: Em, what if I have another baby? It's been five years but you never know? So when next are we taking a trip? We need to take a vacation! Huh? I just told you about these kids needing clothes and that's what you have to say?

I can't really blame anyone for not seeing my vision. It's my deal not theirs. Also, I have been a total slacker. It has been a while since I took that trip but haven't done too much since then. I need to investigate this further - Is it okay to give little kids used clothes? I could always ask for new clothing but don't know that I can go far with that. It might be best to start with what people don't want and gradually move up. What about the jazz issue? I have heard that some Naija people don't like to give away their used clothes for fear that those that receive them will harm them with black magic. Also, how do I get the clothes there if I do a drive here? It can get expensive mailing these things - I know from experience. I can only pay for so much shipping. I think about all these issues and hit the brakes.

Well, if it doesn't work out in Nigeria, what about Rwanda? Maybe I need to concentrate on Rwanda. I know for a fact that they appreciate the clothes. I've given away new and used items from Blu's layette and have been told how appreciative the new mothers over there are. I feel I should do more than just that but I'm stuck - totally uninspired. Maybe I need to find someone who shares this passion and take this one step further.

What Do Nigerians Excel In?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it is that Nigerians do very well. What is it that we excel in? What one thing or maybe two, three or four things can we say that Nigerians are really good at? I don't know if I am not thinking through this really well but I really am not sure. We are definitely good at many things but as far as excelling in certain areas, I don't know. You know how the Swiss are known for their watches, the Belgians for their chocolates, waffles, beer, the Germans for their cars, the French for their food, fashion, strikes (LOL).... What is it that Nigerians do really well? Someone said 419 but just like an Italian would reject the notion that they are known for their association with mafias, I reject that notion also. I probably would come up with an answer to this myself but was wondering out loud.

Nigeria's Presidential Elections

From what I heard on CNN, there were 25 candidates on Saturday. How do you choose from 25 different candidates? Weren't there primaries held to limit the final vote to the candidates with the highest percentages of votes? I was only aware of seven that were running at some point - Yar'adua, Buhari, Atiku Abubakar, Utomi, Okotie, Duke and Orji Kalu. At the beginning of the process, I was very excited because I thought things truly had changed in Nigeria for us to finally have candidates like Duke and Utomi putting throwing in their hats.

However, as things progressed, the old Nigeria began to surface. It turns out that the future leader would be selected, not elected when he was chosen by his party as the candidate. Why weren't the people given a chance to choose their party's candidate in primary elections? Instead, a few old cronnies got together to decide for the country. Naija is messed up like that. I hate that last sentence. I hate that I even thought to say that but things like that happen in Nigeria. What were the issues? What did the candidates stand for?

Apart from Duke and Utomi, I never really got to know what the candidates were about. I am looking forward to the day when we'll vote based on what candidates can do, the issues they hope to tackle when they are in office. I asked a few Nigerians around me: "Would you have voted if you were in Nigeria?" Some said yes and I asked who they would vote for? Without knowing the man, they said Yar' adua because that's who the current president supports and with nothing else to go by, that's the choice they would have made. I most likely would have voted at the gubernatorial level but other than that, I think I would have saved myself the trouble of voting for a president that had already been selected a long time ago. That's speaking as an outsider. Perhaps if I was in Nigeria, I would know more but based on what I've read about the presidential process, I would have been better off staying at home. Sad indeed.

Why Don’t We Do More?

I find myself wondering why more Nigerians are not whistleblowers. Why do we allow wrongs to continue without reporting to the appropriate authority? For instance, why is it that we allow ourselves to be chanced (taken advantage of) by policemen over and over again? Everyone I know has a Naija police story to tell. Why is it that we don’t hold people accountable for their actions? Why is it that we live in a mess? Why is it that nothing works? Why? Why aren’t we a people called to action? Why do we just let things be? Do we not care? Are we too lazy to stand up for something?

The other day, I was with friends and I said the next time I’m in Naija and I get stopped by a policeman asking for a bribe, I will refuse to for as long as I possibly can, give the bribe only if I have to, cram the officer’s name and number in my head and then go to the nearest police station and report the situation. Funny right? My friends too just laughed and said whatever. Like, you really have time to waste? Actually, I just might have some extra time on my hands. I am tired of always being chanced (such a Naija word) whenever I’m in Naija. There’s always someone trying to get one over on me. Even though the whole reporting of police officers may not get me anywhere, I’d still be interested in knowing how many people will stand up and say enough is enough.

Speaking of whistle blowing, I have been a whistleblower for the longest. I’m one of those people that fills out suggestion cards at restaurants, stores, etc. I don’t care if no one reads them (okay, maybe I care a little) but I fill them out in the event that someone ends up reading it. One whistleblowing episode that comes to mind dates back to form 1 (middle school). Smoking was not allowed on school premises and I’d read the school prospectus thoroughly before my first day of school. Anyhow, at break time (recess) one day, my friends and I discovered some form 6 (high school) seniors smoking behind the food vendors’ kiosks. My pre-teen spirit was incensed because these guys were breaking the rules. I didn’t know who they were but I felt compelled to report them - not to my class prefect, not to my teacher, or vice principal, I went to the PRINCIPAL. I got the names of all the seniors from my class prefect by asking “what’s that senior’s name?” and promptly writing it down on a sheet of paper. I gathered my witnesses, the friends I’d been to lunch with (some of them backed out) and we went to the principal’s office. He was quite impressed and the next day, those seniors were called out at assembly and flogged right in front of the whole school. LOL. The principal didn’t reveal his sources and nobody except my friends and I knew how the whole thing happened.

Now that I’m older and wiser, this whole episode seems funny and not as dramatic as I thought it was back then. However, it reminds me that there’s something within me that gets called to action. I can’t just sit back and not say anything. I am a reporter so y’all just watch out. Whistleblowing does not always pay but I’m a whistleblower all the same. Some years ago at another job, I stumbled upon a new hire that I felt had no business being hired. Some background information validated my claims that the individual was far from qualified for the job. This person had only been hired as a favor and was getting paid beaucoup bucks. I went over to the person in charge of all hiring to voice my concerns and the reaction I got was shocking. I was asked what I wanted in return, what my goals were and if there was a job within the company that I might be interested in. This individual was trying to shut me up. Needless to say, I didn’t work there for much longer but I’ve never regretted the fact that I spoke up. I have digressed; the point of this post was to ask why Nigerians are so laid back when faced with injustice? We seem to just shrug and take whatever junk is thrown our way. Our people and our country suffer from lack of people who genuinely care. Okay, I know that there are people who put themselves out on the line but there's not enough of them. The lesson our laissez-faire attitude teaches future generations is that the people who came before them don't give a hoot.

Kneel Down and Feed Your Husband

I have been having conversations with people all around me about the Nigerian (Yoruba mostly) tradition of the wife kneeling down to feed her husband cake at their wedding. My sister and I like most women of our age group love, love, love attending weddings. Especially Naija weddings. That's where we get to mix with other Naijas, check out people's fashion sense or lackthereof and pretty much have a good time. One thing that drives us both crazy is the Naija or is it Yoruba tradition of the bride kneeling to feed her husband a piece of their wedding cake. It just drives me crazy. What's that about?

In all of the weddings that I attended where the bride knelt down, there has never been a move on the groom's part to join her (indicating that they are partners) or even dissuade her from the discomfort of kneeling down in her gorgeous gown. They usually smile smugly and enjoy the attention. Guys I have talked to say it's about submission. It is humiliating more like it. One of the reasons given by older people is that it shows that the girl has been well brought up. I just plain don't like it. However, it is a personal choice. If a woman wants to be submissive, then it's up to her. I just don't like the way it is portrayed as an act of respect. There are many ways to show respect without belittling a human being.

At my wedding, I was nervous about being asked to do it. Sometimes, the person or persons overseeing the cutting of the cake (usually friends of the parents) will not ask the bride to show this sign of respect but guests at the wedding might yell "kneel down, kneel down" and she'll end up doing it. Anyhow, at my wedding, I was all tied up in knots because I didn't know whether or not I'd be asked. As we were making our way to cut the cake from our table, I kept telling DH "I'm not doing it, I'm really not". We had already had the discussion. Several times. Yet, I was nervous about having to disobey the officiant. Luckily, she didn't ask me to, neither did his aunt and uncle standing behind us, nor our guests. All that nervousness for nothing. In fact, contrary to the typical kneeling down, she asked us to seal it with a kiss. Nice.