Kneel Down and Feed Your Husband
I have been having conversations with people all around me about the Nigerian (Yoruba mostly) tradition of the wife kneeling down to feed her husband cake at their wedding. My sister and I like most women of our age group love, love, love attending weddings. Especially Naija weddings. That's where we get to mix with other Naijas, check out people's fashion sense or lackthereof and pretty much have a good time. One thing that drives us both crazy is the Naija or is it Yoruba tradition of the bride kneeling to feed her husband a piece of their wedding cake. It just drives me crazy. What's that about?
In all of the weddings that I attended where the bride knelt down, there has never been a move on the groom's part to join her (indicating that they are partners) or even dissuade her from the discomfort of kneeling down in her gorgeous gown. They usually smile smugly and enjoy the attention. Guys I have talked to say it's about submission. It is humiliating more like it. One of the reasons given by older people is that it shows that the girl has been well brought up. I just plain don't like it. However, it is a personal choice. If a woman wants to be submissive, then it's up to her. I just don't like the way it is portrayed as an act of respect. There are many ways to show respect without belittling a human being.
At my wedding, I was nervous about being asked to do it. Sometimes, the person or persons overseeing the cutting of the cake (usually friends of the parents) will not ask the bride to show this sign of respect but guests at the wedding might yell "kneel down, kneel down" and she'll end up doing it. Anyhow, at my wedding, I was all tied up in knots because I didn't know whether or not I'd be asked. As we were making our way to cut the cake from our table, I kept telling DH "I'm not doing it, I'm really not". We had already had the discussion. Several times. Yet, I was nervous about having to disobey the officiant. Luckily, she didn't ask me to, neither did his aunt and uncle standing behind us, nor our guests. All that nervousness for nothing. In fact, contrary to the typical kneeling down, she asked us to seal it with a kiss. Nice.
posted by Gbemi's Piece @ 6:07 PM
13 Comments:
Hi, Since i was little i always wondered why it was only the brides that knelt down to feed the grooms. I don't like the idea and i'm most definitely not going to do it. No matter what happens.
By the way I love your blog.
Hi Adunni, thanks for the compliment. I certainly don't like it either and don't know that this tradition is going to change any time soon. It's funny that even all the way in America, the tendency is for the bride to kneel. To each her own though.
I didn't kneel down either -- I've always found it insulting how the man just stands there while the wife is practically prostrating to him. In 2006!
I totally agree with you on this. A relationship is an interdependent one (not a dependent or independent one)so, even though they say the husband's the head of the home it doesn't make the wife the 'tail'. Rather, 'cos it an interdependent relationship, to me it makes them equal partners.
"...many ways to show respect..." very true, in fact to me 'tis all in the attitude. But, please permit me to differ with you that the act (of kneeling down, which 'm indifferent to) is belittling a human been; i think that's quite a harsh word.
Nice blogs though.
All of you are just crazy hogs. Africans demand for the bride to kneel and feed her husband cake or wine depending on the culture and it will take nothing away from women. I do not see women in America complaining that men kneel down to propose to them or should they stop that too?. If you feel to big to accept people's way of culture, stay out of it. You may try marrying a westerner since marrying a Yoruba man will make you kneel down.
I married a Yoruba woman and I am Igbo, raised in PH and we don't prostrate in our culture yet we were made to do it for the family of the bride anyway; Much ado over nothing if you ask me. Did the prostration make me any less of a man or should I disobey Yoruba culture because it looks odd for a tall man like me to prostrate before men and women whom I don't even know?.
Women needs to get a life and stop viewing every aspect of our culture as something that was designed to subdue them, I will suggest they work on their self esteem first before seeking for total emancipation from the shackles of men(if there is any).
With love,
Zikora Obiajulu
@Timi,
Stop fooling yourself by believing that the husband and wife have 50/50 authority in a home. It tilts somehow due to so many factors and I suggest women think twice before seeking for that crown because it comes with so many thorns.
There can never be 2 captains in a boat; it's either the man or the woman who heads the household and I am sorry to say that in todays world, financial prowess seem to be the deciding factor as mankind has evolved totally into a secular entity. People seldom care about God and what He says about relationships and that is why relationships get rocky in high proportion.
I'd advise any married woman to first check how her husband feels about authority and if he holds it dearly, she may tread carefully in that area as his ego may be tied to it unless she wants to be divorced in a jiffy.
Authority and heading the household is no biggie, after all there are many single women who head their own household and are tired of it already as long as they find a husband who is ready to lay off the burden from them.
So, stop using vocabulary to paint headship in relationships b/c no matter how hard you try, one party in a marriage must be dominant while the other recessive and when both parties are fiery, that marriage will never last long.
My mom is the recessive one between my parents but her laid back nature gave her more power and dominion over my dad. That is called reverse psychology and it works on men. You wonder why submissive women have the most power over their husbands?
With love,
Zikora Obiajulu
@Timi,
Stop fooling yourself by believing that the husband and wife have 50/50 authority in a home. It tilts somehow due to so many factors and I suggest women think twice before seeking for that crown because it comes with so many thorns.
There can never be 2 captains in a boat; it's either the man or the woman who heads the household and I am sorry to say that in todays world, financial prowess seem to be the deciding factor as mankind has evolved totally into a secular entity. People seldom care about God and what He says about relationships and that is why relationships get rocky in high proportion.
I'd advise any married woman to first check how her husband feels about authority and if he holds it dearly, she may tread carefully in that area as his ego may be tied to it unless she wants to be divorced in a jiffy.
Authority and heading the household is no biggie, after all there are many single women who head their own household and are tired of it already as long as they find a husband who is ready to lay off the burden from them.
So, stop using vocabulary to paint headship in relationships b/c no matter how hard you try, one party in a marriage must be dominant while the other recessive and when both parties are fiery, that marriage will never last long.
My mom is the recessive one between my parents but her laid back nature gave her more power and dominion over my dad. That is called reverse psychology and it works on men. You wonder why submissive women have the most power over their husbands?
With love,
Zikora Obiajulu
Kneeling at a wedding to feed ur husband is no biggie especially cos its just for a few seconds... yes, it doesnt take as long as his prostrating for your family takes!
its tradition, one that doesnt hurt so quit complaining. it doesnt make you any less than the woman u are.
However, its not compulsory, i know of a case where the bride (my friend) had been warned by her husband-to-be not to kneel. He just didnt like it so there was no point. All she did was move to the edge of the seat and do the feeding. Infact while the MC was tryna make her kneel, he cautioned him against it. so kneeling or not, just be submissive to the man. Simple!
its cultural.
go do an Indian style wedding if you dont like the culture.
prostrating before my wife's family was no big deal.
But I would be alarmed if my wife said she won't kneel for a second to give me a peice of cake.
Pride is killing the black woman in America and is the reason why 75%of you are single and most of the marriages do not work.
You end by saying its no big deal...yet the whole diatribe on whether to do it or not.....
If no big deal, then JUST DO IT!!!
I agree with Zikora, we are just bastardizing and over analyzing every aspect of our cultures in light of Western culture....And i ask why? Has western culture the epitome in family life?
Abeg..all this grammer...be true to yourself and stop trying to copy copy West in everything
Madam UgoBabe
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