He Will Stray But You Have to Forgive Him

Stayed out late talking to my girls about moving back to Naija. It was pretty interesting what came out from that conversation or rather what turned out to be the focus of that conversation. In our desire to go back, we were talking about some things that we need to take into consideration - jobs, housing, whether or not it is possible to get by without hiring domestic staff (that in itself would be a topic for another day but suffice it to say that Alice - 100% American-isn't keen on it), traffic, and finally, Naija men in Naija! We secretly fear that our men will change in that environment. I don't know what else to call it except compare it to a lion getting his territory back.

In talking about moving back to Naija and the pluses and minuses, why do Naija men and their actions have to be on the potential problem list? Nneka just recently got back from a scouting trip to Naija and says it is appalling how men cheat on their wives openly without recourse. It makes us all sick. My take on it was that when it all comes down to it, women want to be married so badly that they'll take anything to stay in the marriage. They don't want the divorcee stigma and all that it carries so they'd rather stay in a bad marriage than be divorced. People tend to blame everyone else but the man for his role in a bad marriage. My take on it is that we need to hold our men accountable for their actions. The two people in a relationship need to be held accountable for their actions, that goes without saying. We need to have rules of engagement. It is not okay in our books for them to do what they like. We need to tell our friends that it is not okay, it is not acceptable. We need to teach our daughters to demand more from their men. To demand full commitment to their relationships, the running of their homes, and the raising of their children. I don't know where my fire comes from but I have always been like this. This is a topic I am passionate about and it spills into the way women are treated in our society. I fear that I might in the minority when it comes to expecting more from our men.

In our culture, if he cheats, then it's natural. I remember someone telling me during the family blessing time (The period of time after the reception when both families separately pray for the new couple) that, "He will stray, but you have to forgive him". I was too tired to say anything but who says that to a newlywed on her wedding night? We smiled at each other because we both know the deal. We still quote that 'uncle' (he was a friend of a friend) to this day. Anyhow, to get back to last night. The general consensus in Naija seems to be that it is that it is okay for men to cheat. It is even expected. Men who don't are mocked and the butt of jokes. Not all men cheat. Of that I am sure. However, I wonder what keeps those who don't from straying when it's okay to cheat?