A load off my shoulders

So this week has had its ups and downs and I'm glad it's over. A load has literally been lifted off my shoulders. Even though it's Thursday today, I almost feel like it's Friday. TGIT! Anyways, I had my review on Tuesday and with the way things have gone this year, I thought it would really be rough. I mean my biggest project flat out didn't take off when it should have - I take responsibility for 10% of it but as project manager, anyone looking in from the outside would blame me 100%. Anyway, some of the issues included - a lot of unexpected turnover (not my fault), lots of new people added to the mix in the middle of the project so there was that learning curve to deal with (not my fault), a totally incompetent consultant on the project that I should have gotten fired much sooner (there's my 10%).

Sometimes it seems that we are too compassionate for our own good. I'm talking about women now. We feel sorry for people and don't want anyone to lose their job even when they really should. I have really learnt from this experience and will take a much tougher stance in the future. When women are tough - as they should be in certain situations - the b word starts to pop up and in the organization, they are known as the tough b. I see now that I just need to forget about what people think and just get the job done. That being said, I still can't let go of that side of my brain that wants to pull others along. There'll have to be a balance because when it comes to review time, it's my head on the line.

I went into my review fully prepared to take responsibility for what happened. I did that right off the bat and it was smooth sailing from then on. Not only did I take responsibility for my mistakes or shortcomings, I had a plan mapped out for the future. I had stayed up until 2:30 in the morning working on my project plan and totally changed the way it has been handled in the past. This project is going to be ongoing and a huge part of my job so I'm taking charge of it now and taking no prisoners along the way.

That being said, I didn't make the demands (for lack of a better word) that had been on my mind because I was so engrossed in coming out of that review unscathed. Now that it's gone well and my boss is happy with the way I handled things, and my plans for the future, I'm going to have to ask for a separate meeting to figure out where we go from here. In short, what's in it for me? What we looking at? Where the dollars at? I'm not as interested in the last one as the fact that I need a lot more flexibility. Seriously. I'll take flexibility over money these days. Funny how life has changed such that I'm not as concerned about how much I make as I am about my quality of life. Maybe it's the fact that I have never thought that an employer would make me rich - that's a subject for another day. Right now, I'm just happy the review's over and a load's been lifted off my shoulders.