Ugh! I CAN'T STAND OUR BABA PORTER!!!

Seriously. I cannot stand him. First of all, a porter is a person (usually a man) that carries out concierge-type duties. When I was at Moremi Hall, my dorm at the University of Lagos, there were several of them and we called them Baba Porter pronounced (PORTA). Their main job was to announce when people had guests and let people in or out of the gate. I guess they were older that's why they were called Babas.

Anyway, anyway, we have one where I live and I totally cannot stand him. First of all, let me describe him. He is an older gentleman and this is probably going to be the last job of his career. It is a pretty sweet deal compared to people his age who are forced to take up jobs at places like Wal-Mart that require them to stand up all day long. Our Baba Porter gets to sit behind a desk between 9-5 (usually stays from 10-4, but whatever) and surf the internet all day long when he's actually at his desk. His main job is to let people through the gates (without getting up, all he does is press a button). His job also entails delivering FedEx packages when people are out, opening peoples' doors for service people while they are at work, helping out with the drycleaning service i.e. giving the people that come to collect the drycleaning your drycleaning when you take them to him, etc.

Most people I talk to hardly ever use him for all these extra services. I only use his services for opening doors for people. In fact, when we have cleaning people come, he doesn't even open our door for them, he just gives them the keys after making me fax over a release (like dude, you don't know my voice? He NEVER does this to DH). Anyway, he also lets me into my place when I lock myself out (which is like twice a year!) and delivers packages once every three months for us o pari. That's it. I don't use the many services that they say he provides like getting tickets, booking restaurants, etc. The less contact I have with him, the better. In fact, I try not to have any contact with him because he is so annoying.

Reasons why:

• He is very lazy. I have caught him sleeping in his car several times. Okay, so he's old but he's never at his desk when you need him and there are people that really do need him.
• He is a busybody. He knows everybody's gist and doesn't mind sharing with anyone. Who cares??? I don't need to know dirt about my neighbors.
• He displays unreasonable Naija gateman-type behavior. I don't have a better term other than one day, I came home from work real quick to get something so I parked in front of the doorway so that I could be in and out and he made me drive my car all the way to the back. People do that all the time when they are going to be in and out but I guess I had to be his scapegoat of the day. I think this is what started my irritation.
• He committed the biggest no-no or faux-pas. One day, he came into our place when we were out without our permission to drop off a package. Okay, what happened to leaving it in front of our door like we usually ask him to or calling to find out what we woul d like to do like he usually does before we say go ahead and leave it outside? Instead, I come home from work one day and call it woman's intuition but I knew someone had been in my house. Then I saw a strange package on my dining table. I picked up the phone to call DH to ask him if he'd been home but he hadn't. Baba Porter had been at our place in our absence! That was just so freaky to me. Like, how are you going to make me uncomfortable in my own home? I started thinking what if he'd installed some peeping Tom devices. Probably not, but still this whole episode made me uncomfortable. Since we're not the best of friends, I asked DH to talk to him about this and make it CLEAR that he is not allowed to do that EVER again. Seriously. Because he has our keys doesn't mean he can let himself in any time. What happened to calling first which is the protocol when people are at work? Sheesh!!!
• Finally, today, I locked myself out of the main door. I don't know what's wrong with me!!! I am working from home today and went to drop off the mail for the mailman (who by the way, I greeted but he didn't reply. Whatever. I'm going to call the Post Office to let them know that our mail smells of smoke every time. LOL. It really does.) Anyway, I forgot to take the new set of keys they issued and had to walk round to Baba Porter's desk so he could buzz me in. While I was there, I asked him for a set of keys for my sister-in-law who didn't get a copy when the new keys were distributed. Guess what? He asked me to make her a copy. Why? Pourquoi? Doesn't she pay her dues that are also used to pay his salary? I was like, "Um, no. The notice says each person will receive new keys." and he replied, "Well, you'll need to make her a copy." Now, I don't like to go back and forth with people - I don't have that kind of time but I was like "Excuse me, there should be enough keys for everyone." That's when he said he was outof keys. Okay, he could have said that all along and that would have been the end of the matter. Now, I know that it's not possible for them to run out of keys because they were supposed to make enough for everyone but I wasn't about to stay and argue with him. The dude just reminds me of those unreasonable gatemen in Naija.

K. Enough of my ranting. I really just don't like him.

Even my family knows this. One day, I forget where I was but my sister and my mom needed to get something from my place while I was out. I was on the phone with my sister while she was right in front of him but instead of having her hand him her cellphone, I called him on his own phone to tell him to let her in. Ol girl, see how I spared you??? He coulda lodged something in your phone. Okay, that wasn't nice but dude gets on my nerves like that.