Why I am a Colo

We call each other out on colo (colonial mentality) moves all the time. It's always for jokes but I admit today that I am a colo. Here are a few reasons why I think I am a colo. I went to dinner with these older oyinbo (white) friends of mine instead of keeping it real with my aunt that's here from Naija. One way to justify my decision is that we've had plans to meet up since June. However, my aunt came all the way from Naija. Another way to justify it is that I only had this one day with them and my aunt is here for another week. Still, I am a colo. Why else would I go out to dinner have soup and salad only to come back home to heat up leftover meatpie and peppered gizzards from yesterday's World Cup party? I am a real colo o. Anytime I am in the company of white folks, I eat well. As in, I eat clean. Salads all the way. No sme sme (messing around). For some reason, they inspire me to eat healthy even when they are not. For instance, this couple had pasta and some breaded stuff. Anyway, I thought I'd call myself out today for an obviously colo move. I mean, it really takes the cake.

The last time I was called colo was the 4th of July. As we were driving into the parking garage, this oyinbo neighbor chick of ours asked what we were doing that day - I was just planning on studying because I had finals that week. She mentioned something about joining her at the pool and frozen margaritas. That same day, my friends of the past 18 years were having a party. Which one did I attend? The colo in me couldn't resist. I hit that party up. DH called me out on being a colo but went with me and I enjoyed the frozen margarita.

My colo hall of fame, the one that tops all others and really makes me mad comes from a time that I had this garage sale. I had tons to sell - personal and business. Anyway, I had been trying to sell my leftover spa equipment and I had posted a sign at the skincare institute about this ridiculous sale I was having. I mean, it was like 90-95% off stuff. My facial bed went for like 50 bucks and those things go for $500. It was my way of doing saara (charity). I really thought I was doing a good deed. Anyway, so that is how this one lady, Debra P. Bozeman called and said "Wow, what a deal, I can't believe you're giving all this away." Anyway, she had her husband arrange to meet me and they both kept blowing up my phone. It was a Saturday and I was at the salon trying to do up my 'do and that's how I was just going in and out of the dryer trying to give them directions and what not. You will not believe that they drove over 50 miles and came in this pick-up truck with a dragging thing behind it (similar to what those landscapers have). That's probably the line of work the man was in. Anyway, I was a little surprised at the huge truck and figured they meant business. So, I got chatting with Debra P. Bozeman and found out that she was a student at the skincare institute, about to graduate and was looking to start her own business in skincare. She was delighted that I had so much to sell and it felt good to be able to 'bless' someone. Anyway, that's how she took a hot towel cabi, magnifying lamp, facial chair, facial steamer and other items for a whopping $270. You can imagine how much stuff she took if the bed cost only $50. While she was there, I decided to bless her with some additional supplies, there was this 20-ton cotton thingy (probably two years' supply of cotton), spa robes, mixing bowls, brushes and other knickknacks. I just dashed her those items since she was going to need them and there was no need for her to buy them when I had tons of stuff. Anyway, so that's how Ms. Debra P. Bozeman took the stuff. She didn't buy the stuff, she took it. She wrote a check for $270 - Bank of America and bounced.

Why was this a colo move? Throughout my entire garage sale, I had been accepting CASH only from both oyinbos and dudus (blacks). However, here comes Ms. Sweetface Debra P. Bozeman and I accept her check. Omo men, that check bounced from here to Cape Town. I only knew that the check bounced when I checked my account online and saw that I'd been charged a fee. Now, those fees make me see red. When I investigated further, I saw that it was for this madam. Okay, calmos, I call her and she was as nasty as ever. I couldn't believe my ears. I call her husband and he acted like he didn't know me. WHAAAAAAAT? I couldn't believe it. That's how my colo turned on me. Two years later, I still have the proof of this my colo. I still have the check and it's sitting right here on my desk. It still makes me mad to think about it. In fact, I just called the number and a Mexican-sounding dude picked up the phone. It's all good though. This is an example of how to steal from others. I am not mad about the money, just mad that I was taken advantage of. It sucks to feel cheated. In fact, I was so mad that one day, I called and prayed for her. I actually left her a message praying for her because I felt that for her to actually do something like that, her situation must have been pitiful. However, I'm back to being mad now. This, just like others, too will pass.