Telling my side of the story

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

2008-05-05T12:44:00.001-04:00

I haven't been out to celebrate Cinco de Mayo in a long while but for those who are celebrating, have a margarita on me. Better still, have a shrimp fajita nachos (half-size) from my favorite Mexican spot. I haven't had one of those in a while too. Don't know how good they are for the waistline. Anyways, this is a quick post to say that I'm going away for a while. Have fun y'all!

Clothing Drive Update

2008-05-05T11:51:00.003-04:00

I have been meaning to put up an update about the clothing drive for children in Rwanda and Nigeria. A few weeks ago, I got an email saying that the first batch of clothes had arrived and how happy they were to have received them. In true African tradition, it was filled with prayers and well-wishes for all those who had helped. It was so sweet, so touching that I decided that I would continue the drive through the end of the year.

Since then, I’ve asked for family and friends to donate more clothes, toys, books, blankets, bottles, and all things kid-related. I have already received quite a bit for the next go-round. It’s all been so great. I am amazed at how generous people are. One co-worker who takes public transportation to work dragged two heavy bags from the train station all in the name of helping people she doesn’t know. It was really cool. As I dragged the bags to my car at the end of the day, I was in plain awe of her dedication.

Of course there has also been the down-side of people not fulfilling their promises. Actually, that’s not so bad. I love that they are interested enough to say they’ll do something. We all lead very busy lives so I understand if they are not able to get to it. What wasn’t too cool was not getting any kind of reaction from folks that you think would want to help. You know, getting a blank stare. Like, whatever. I am not an overly sensitive person but that kinda hurt for whatever reason.

Forget that. This post was really to say that it worked! I am thrilled that the “eagle has landed”. I am ecstatic at how well-received the clothing drive has been. Despite all my initial worries, it has gone well. The clothes were not ‘stolen’ or sold on the black market like some people said they would. They got to their final destination intact and that gives me hope for the other batches en route.

Let’s put Blu on a schedule

2008-04-30T09:25:00.001-04:00

Arggggggggh! My son has become a little bit of a terror at night. He’s cranky, loud (as in if we had a noisy generator going, the neighbors two miles away would still be able to hear him), and plain unsettled. I think he’s over stimulated. There’s too much going on around him. I don’t have a night time routine. Everything I’ve read says babies need some sort of routine. However, we just haven’t been able to stick to one. We tried once before and it worked. It was a pain to get him used to it, but it was great while it lasted. Unfortunately, when we went out of town, things went haywire. Now, it’s time to bring on the routine or put him on some kind of schedule.

Here’s what I’d like. I would like him to have at least one good nap during the day. Two, if the first nap is short (an hour or less). However, the second nap can start no later than 3:00PM. I’d like to be able to take him to the park on some evenings so he can get some fresh air. Finally, I’d like to get him in bed at 7:30PM…8:30PM at the latest. He’s a baby, what is he doing staying up so late? Also, in terms of his eating – he needs to do better in terms of solids. For all these to work, I’m going to need everyone on board.

Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, I think the reason we haven’t been too hard on him having a routine is because we ourselves would have to be on a routine as well. For him to be in bed by 7:30 would mean that we would need to be home by 7:00PM at the latest, give him a bath, read to him and then put him in bed. Also, I can’t have CNN on low while I’m trying to put him to sleep. I know… what was I thinking? This would also mean no longer being able to go out to dinner as a family, etc. Anyway, I’ve learnt my lesson and I am all for a routine now. Lack of sleep is whack.

Things to do when you’re looking for love or hitting the refresh button on your current love life

2008-04-28T12:31:00.003-04:00

** I am no expert. This is what I would say if I were asked for my honest opinion.**

Get a relooking
There’s nothing like losing a few extra pounds to kick-start a love campaign. This is not about going from a size sixteen to a size zero. This is about giving yourself a relooking if you haven’t had one in a while or if you think you need one. Relooking is French for makeover. It’s my belief that when you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, there’s some positive energy around you that draws people to you. You can always tell when a woman knows she looks good, she’s confident and that’s very attractive. Update that wardrobe and be happy – very happy – with what you see before you walk out of the door. So, if you’re looking for love or need to hit that refresh button, go ahead and do what you have to do in that area.

Get interesting
So, what’s interesting about you? What do you spend the majority of your time doing? What are you involved in? Don’t be one-dimensional. Take up some hobbies, go out with friends, join a massage club, volunteer, frequent your house of worship, become a member of your library, become a mentor, go hiking, try rock climbing. Do something. Just don’t do one thing and one thing only. That’s plain old boring and who likes boring? If you’re already in a relationship, this is a yes-yes (as opposed to no-no). Pick up new and interesting things OUTSIDE of your relationship so that you have something new to talk about.

Get out
Don’t stay home all the time. Go somewhere. Find something to do. Definitely don’t sit around waiting for him to show up at your doorstep. Sure, if you think he might come in the shape of the FedEx guy. (Nothing against FedEx guys, just saying no one really comes up to your doorstep these days). Go out and visit friends in another part of town or go out and get your nails done. Just get out of the house. Connect with the world. It’s all part of being multi-dimensional.

Get friendly
Be open to new friendships. Make friends with people in your immediate surroundings – work, church, gym, wherever. If you’ve seen someone more than once. Actually, three or more times, introduce yourself and just make conversation. They kind of know you anyway.

Get online
Three words. Match. Dot. Com. I can’t say it enough. I know three married couples that met online. Yes, they are Naija. Why are we so close minded? If you don’t like going out, go online. What’s the harm? You are indoors, in your comfort zone. Dangerous? So is meeting someone randomly at the gas station. These days, you have to be very careful but I think the online space can be used to make conversation and to prepare yourself for off-line dating. Just see what’s out there. Okay, if you’re not ready for online dating sites, definitely be on facebook. Hi-5 is kind of old now but use facebook to re-connect with people you already know or to meet people that your friends know. Oh and by the way, definitely have a cute picture on your profile. None of that question mark nonsense if you’re looking. And definitely don’t be caught with any crazy pictures online. If you’re looking kind of questionable in someone’s picture, be sure to ask them kindly to take it off or at least remove your name from the tag. If you’re already in a relationship, don’t go online looking for relationships. That’s a no-no.

Testing the waters

2008-04-25T10:27:00.005-04:00

Lately, I have been feeling quite overwhelmed with work. Not that I have too too much on my plate. I have quite a bit but there's a lot of stuff in there that I don't FEEL like doing. This has got me thinking about testing the waters. Put my resume out there and see what happens. However, that's not a fool-proof option. I like my job for the most part and I LOVE the company I work for.

So then, why am I looking to leave? I am a very creative person and I feel like my creativity is being stifled. So then, what makes me think I can be more creative elsewhere? I don’t know that I can, but then again, I don’t know that I can’t. Besides, who knows what I can get by putting myself out there? Now that I have an MBA, who knows if that changes things? Anyways, being me, I probably won’t be completely happy with a new job. I probably just need to amp up my side-gig. Working in corporate America gives me a steady paycheck while I get really great satisfaction and fulfillment from my side-gig.

This post is boring me already! I think the point of it is that I need to take my MBA use it for myself. I didn’t walk all those blocks to class in the last stages of my pregnancy for nothing. And in the hot sun too! I am thinking of emailing my profs and asking them to put me on projects that they know about on a pro-bono basis. I might get a big fat NO but then again, I might get into a gig that leads to other things. I’m officially juiced out. More on this later.

My Vegan Baby

2008-04-16T15:38:00.002-04:00

So Blu doesn’t eat any animal products. And now that the laughter has died down, let me explain. I am not comfortable feeding my baby any animal products. I have been advised to feed him eggs, chicken, meat, etc. No can do. At least not before he turns one. And now the obvious question – am I a vegan? I wish I were but while I am gradually, painstakingly trying to reduce my own animal product consumption, I am trying to delay his consumption of said products for as long as possible. Seriously speaking, I am afraid, very afraid of what we’re eating in this country. I haven’t seen any of the scary stuff that I’ve heard people talk about. However, from what I understand about how poultry and beef are processed, I wish I had been raised vegetarian. Vegan, in fact. It really is scary.

How did this go from Blu to me? Typical. Anyway, so please for the next few months, don’t nobody try to feed my son any animal products. For real, I'm afraid someone is going to try to sneak behind my back and give him something on my contraband list. Let’s give him at least one year of ‘safe’ foods, okay? After that one year, we’ll see if we can go two, then three, then four. Maybe at four, he’ll decide he doesn’t want to eat meat and then he can convince his mom and dad to leave it alone. I know a little boy that did. Blu, please help us.

Woman on a cake mission

2008-04-07T11:45:00.005-04:00

One of the things on my list of things to do before I turned thirty was "learn to bake something, anything." My big 3-0 has long come and gone but I've decided that there's stuff on my list that I still want to accomplish in this lifetime. With my mom, aunts, cousin, and grandma being great bakers, I'm thinking that might be one thing I could knock off easily.

A few weeks ago, I put my all into baking a cake that turned out okay. Being that I have OCD, I can't deal with okay. One guy at work suggested I might want to get a mixer. And so I did. Since then, I've made all sorts of cakes with different frosting/flavor combinations. The other day, I made some cupcakes and took them to work. They were gone within minutes! As in, I dropped them in the kitchen on my floor and by the time I went back to get coffee (I'd gone to get my coffee mug from my desk) - they were all gone.

I've been warned not to take people eating your stuff as a sign or anything so I didn't think much of it. Apparently, some people would just about eat anything if it's free. I typically want to know where they came from, who made them, whether or not the person has pets in their kitchen, etc. Anyway, I didn't think anything of it until this one lady waiting to get coffee told another woman that the cupcakes were exquisite. Oh, joy! I think. I know she didn't see me drop them off so her comment wasn't for my benefit or anything.

Fast forward a couple of days. Our nieces came to visit so I offered them the cakes I'd saved for them. To my dismay, one of them just licked off all the frosting and ate a few bites of the cake. The other ate more than half and abandoned the other half. Hmmm... so now I'm at a loss - were my cupcakes really 'exquisite' or did they really tank? I was beginning to feel like a guru but now I'm not so sure. Anyway, the plan is to bake something well and that was just one recipe I picked up (excuses, excuses).

He said Mama and other happenings

2008-03-17T14:50:00.004-04:00

Just this morning as I was getting ready to go to work, I heard Nanny #3 teaching Blu to say Mama. I've never asked her to do that so I thought "good woman" and went about my normal business. Next thing, as I was putting on my shoes, I heard him say "Mama". Oh, joy! My boy done did it! He said Mama! I was thrilled but that feeling I was hoping for wasn't quite there because I know he's sounding off. He doesn't mean it for real. Still, I'm glad he knows how. I'll be happier when he says it to me and knows what it means.

Other than that, I've started thinking about his first birthday. I was hoping we'd move by the time his first birthday comes around. But alas, with the market the way it is, I doubt that we'll be moving any time soon. Since our place is not conducive to the kind of party I want (with animals and all) I'll have to think of something else. Meanwhile, I've made several edits to my imaginary invitee list. I am uninviting people that haven't come to see him. Haba, one whole year? Forget that. Anyone that hasn't visited him won't be invited. I'll have to tell a 'friend' who already said she's bringing two kids if I have a party.

Boy, do this kid wear me out. I am physically tired just trying to keep up with the little guy. And he can't even walk. He loves his freedom and so every once in a while when he's tired of being held, I'll put him down and let him to do his thing. The only thing is that I can't turn my back when he's roaming the grounds. The other day, he tried to stick his finger in an electrical outlet and before that, I think he licked my shoe. Double ewwww! I washed his mouth out. Three times. Can't believe he'd do such a thing.

My New Obssession

2008-03-13T15:00:00.008-04:00

So, I've lost like 15 pounds since my woe-is-me-I-need-to-lose-weight-after-having-a-baby post. However, I keep adding twenty pounds to my original goal. The plan was to get back to my PPW(pre-pregnancy weight). Now that I'm almost there, I have decided I want to go back to my wedding-day weight. It's funny, when I was at that weight, I was working out furiously to lose even more weight. My trainer at the time told me that was the thinnest I would probably ever be in my life. Tufiakwa! God forbid, I thought to myself at the time. He said that after fasting, working out, starving and dieting for their wedding day, most women never get back to that size. Well, how 'bout we see about that?

Anyhow, I have decided that I want better for myself than my PPW. I want to come close to my wedding day size. I don't think I'll go lower than that though. The thing that blows my mind was that there was a time I never thought I'd be a few cupcakes and rice dinners away from my PPW. Now that I know I can do it, I'm setting bigger goals for myself. DH says that once I "gba were" something, he knows better than to get in my way. So, this is my new obssession. I have been working out four days a week, running harder than I've ever run (willingly), and eating okay some days and off the plan on other days (girl scout cookies, anyone?). It's all good.

About the running, it's amazing to me that I'm able to do it at all. I have always HATED running. Thank you, God. And also thanks to DH for making me run all those days I'd rather have schlumped on the sofa watching mindless tv.

More About My Guy (Obama Supporter)

2008-02-22T15:12:00.001-05:00

The guy from the first video talks some more about his background and why he supports Obama. He's originally from Ghana and has quite an interesting story.

Don't Mess with Obama Supporters

2008-02-22T15:07:00.001-05:00

Especially not one of African descent! Yes, I'm partial to my African brothers. In this video, the reporter incorrectly assumes that the young man casually dressed, wearing a baseball cap, and a (no word for this really) necklace and chewing gum doesn't have solid reasons for supporting Obama. How wrong was he?

Yes You Did

2008-02-21T12:29:00.011-05:00

Remember, Bill Clinton's "I did NOT have sex with that woman". Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick's version of that bold-faced lie is written on this t-shirt. Erm, yes you did!

V-Day Update

2008-02-21T11:33:00.004-05:00

DH didn't disappoint. I got the flowers (delivered at the end of my work day) and I got the gifts. That, and best of all, the sweetest card. It was really touching. The words on the card took my breath away.

I know Valentine's Day to many is a Hallmark holiday, still, I like it. I look forward to it every year. I would hate for us to not do something special on that day. Yes, we have the whole year to show each other appreciation but what's wrong with definitely doing something on that particular day? It doesn't have to be about the gifts (I say that now but just you wait for that one day I don't get anything). Seriously speaking, it doesn't have to be about the gifts. That one thoughtful card or one sweet note makes it extra special in my books.

That day, I ordered from our favorite spot since we couldn't do dinner outside the house and he went to pick it up. By the time he got back, I had placed his gift on his side of the bed. We went for a run and by the time I went to get changed, I noticed two little boxes and a card on my side of the bed. Too funny. He was surprised I got him something but pleased nonetheless. It made me want to spoil him more. That's the gift-giving part of my V-Day. That being said, I have no expectations for next year. I totally stressed out this year being that things are now different with a baby and all. My biggest fear was that we wouldn't make time for ourselves..

My first Valentine's Day with BOB

2008-02-14T18:53:00.000-05:00

This is our first Valentine’s Day with baby on board. This is the first Valentine’s Day that we haven’t had plans. The first Valentine’s Day with no late night after-work dinner. The first Valentine’s Day without flowers? The first Valentine’s Day without a gift? I don’t know. DH hasn’t given me anything yet. No flowers delivered to my job. For the past seven years, I’ve had flowers delivered. At first it was embarrassing. Everybody was like na wa for this your toaster o. I was embarrassed but definitely feeling the love. Year after year, I got something at work and then again when I got home. After a while, the mailroom guys started saying things like see you this time next year. Now, I’m sitting here expecting a lil’ something wondering if I’ll have to make the decision about whether to leave my flowers at work or enjoy them at home?

Maybe this year is supposed to be different. I don’t know. The other day, despite the frigid weather, I took Blu out to buy DH’s gift. I never really bought him anything on V-Day. I’m a me chick. I don’t usually do for him. I felt I owed him something because he’s been nice and I haven’t really reciprocated the niceness. I planned to leave it by his bedside table to surprise him in the morning when he woke up. Instead, the me inside surfaced and said, “How about you just hold on to see what he has planned for you?” I know, that’s not the business.

Maybe this year is indeed supposed to be different. Maybe I’m supposed to be the one doing the toasting. Maybe I’ll give him his gift at dinner and buy some tickets to see Ms. Scott. Surprise him like he surprised me with Stevie tickets. How do grown folks do Valentine’s Day? Is this what I should be expecting the rest of my life? Maybe it’s temporary until Blu gets out of the house. WooHOO! 18 more years of this. Nice!

I Don Tire

2008-02-13T16:15:00.005-05:00

Have you ever been in a position where you were tired of everything including yourself? I am just fed up with quite a bit and I'm lashing out unfairly at people closest to me. Here's a list of what's annoying me and why:

My nanny situation: From Nanny #1 to Nanny #2 and now to perhaps Nanny #3 and Nanny #4. Yes o, in such a short time, I have gone through so many nannies. Nannies 3 and 4 are the most current. They know each other and want to do a work-share with each working a few days a week. Being in the sorry (read desperate) situation I'm in, I agreed. I am in agreement until the daycare we want has an opening for Blu.
Work: This is related to the above situation. I've had to bail out of work so many days in a row that I might as well be a stay-at-home mom. The other day, Blu had a 103 degree temperature and I found myself torn between taking him to the emergency room or getting to my 9 o'clock meeting on time. Guess what I chose? I hate that I was even put in that position. In the car, I broke down and shed some major tears. That must have been my first mommy meltdown.
Workout/Trainer: So I made DH my trainer. Who begged me? I hate running and he wants us to go running five times a week. Rain o, snow o, wetin consign him, we must run. I haven't told him that he's been fired. Today, I signed up with a new trainer. Shhhh... I don't know how to break the news to him. Maybe over dinner.
Moi: I am just in a sucky mood. DH has been calling me a lot and instead of being nice/pleasant, I told him he was blowing up my phone. That didn't go too well. Bad timing as tomorrow's Valentine's day.

Leaving the Goody-Goodie Behind

2008-02-07T14:48:00.000-05:00

At work, I’m rapidly gaining a reputation that I need to discard. I am quickly becoming the safe, boring black girl on the team. It is becoming rather obvious because ain’t that many black girls to begin with and second of all, ain’t that many that fall into the goody-goodie category. I think all this is coming from our oga pata pata (boss’s boss) saying something about me being somewhat of a goody-goodie. People thought it was a compliment but inside I was like, “I’m never going to get anywhere now”.

This whole thing has got me worried. Probably because I have seen that there’s not too much in a goody-goodie’s future career-wise. The goody-goodie is only good for doing the stuff that nobody wants to do but everyone knows the goody-goodie will do without complaining. I am worried about being excluded from the upward-bound list at work because of their impression of me. It all sounds so high school to me even as I write this.

Whenever we go out as a group, I NEVER drink. NEVER. EVER. That of course makes my situation worse. The last time the team met up for drinks at a wine bar, I ordered bottled water. The thing is, I think it is tacky to drink on the job or outside work with work folks. I have seen way too many people act inappropriately because of alcohol to know that I never want to be like that. This is coming for somebody that has never gotten drunk. I just don’t want to take any chances.

So, I have decided that the next best thing I can do is to stop looking so dowdy at work. My work style is way too conservative - probably because I've become more conservative outside of work. When I look at the people at the top, most of them got some element of je ne sais quoi about them, in addition to having the necessary skill set needed to do the work. I sense a relooking coming.

Yes We Can - Barack Obama Music Video

2008-02-05T10:30:00.001-05:00

Let's try this again. I thought I posted this yesterday. Here's the video I was talking about. It's Super Tuesday. Go out and vote. Vote for change. Obama 08!

Yes. We. Can.

2008-02-04T15:11:00.001-05:00

Will.i.am produced this piece based on Obama's New Hampshire speech. Kudos to the celebs that got behind him - Common, Kate Walsh, John Legend, Herbie Hancock, Aisha Tyler, The dude from Lost - Harold Perrineau, Ashley from Fresh Prince of Bel Air - Tatyana Ali, Scarlett Johansson,k Nicole S...... from the Pussy Cat Dolls, Hill Harper and many others. Tres inspirational. I have pitched my tent.

I'm Just Big

2008-02-02T08:57:00.000-05:00

So the other day, this girl that should know better asks if I have a bun in the oven. Bun ke? What do you mean bun? She points to her belly (which excuse me, is not the flattest in the world and I’m not being mean). I said: “No, I’m just big.”

I’m just amazed at how unupset I am these days at people thinking I’m either pregnant or still pregnant. Believe it or not but just a couple of months ago, this guy that I hardly ever see at work was at a meeting where I was presenting. When I went to sit down next to him, he asked when my baby was due. I looked at him straight in the eyes and said: “I had my son months ago.” And I was totally not embarrassed. Dude was though. We spent the rest of the meeting exchanging notes. Him apologizing and me telling him it was okay. Really. He totally didn’t upset me.

I really don’t blame all these people. Everyone that has had a baby lately has come out looking better than they did before they got pregnant. Not just the celebs. Even regular people I know. For some reason, I seem to be struggling. I have accepted that it will take me a little longer than I had originally thought. I almost accepted it when a friend told me that I will never get down to my regular size. Almost. Thank God for DH who was there when I hung up. He totally told me otherwise. Thankfully.

The Kilpatricks Are A Mess

2008-01-31T09:04:00.000-05:00

Sorry to all those living in Detroit but your Mayor - Kwame and his wife Carlita are a mess. A hot mess. That was some drama that played itself out on national tv. The Mayor of Detroit was sued by a couple of police officers who said that he used his security detail to cover up an affair he was having with his chief of staff. Sworn under oath, both the Mayor and his mistress denied that they ever had an affair. The mistress even rolled her eyes when asked whether she'd had an affair with the Mayor.

Turns out that they did have an affair. The text messages between them was proof. Note to all: If you're doing something not quite legit, don't use your official blackberry, cellphone, laptop, computer to spill out the details. All that stuff belongs to your boss and he/she/they can always come back and get you. In this case, they were both employed by the state and the state now has records of all their exchanges.

Why is the Mrs. a mess? She allowed herself to be dragged into her husband's mess. She showed up on tv professing to love this man who has so humiliated her. She could have stayed by his side quietly to show support or stayed at home. When in this situation, just do Hillary. She came out on top in the Monica Lewinsky saga. If she not, her behavior would have come back to haunt her at such a critical time in her political career.

Of course the mistress, Christine Beatty is an even hotter mess. She had no business messing with her married boss especially since she was married herself. This story reminded me of all the romantic affairs that have unfolded in the public eye vis-a-vis politicians. It seems important to me that the wives come away from the scandal with their dignity intact.

Nanny Number Two

2008-01-31T07:16:00.001-05:00

Our first Nanny has gone bye bye. One day in December (after receiving her Christmas bonus, son's birthday and Christmas gifts), as I handed her printed schedules for the next two months, she told me that she wouldn't be here past January 19th. What!!! Why? She said something came up and she would need to leave. She wasn't very specific.

After getting past the shock and hurt and almost begging, I put all efforts into looking for Nanny Number Two. It's amazing, you go through this phase where you want to keep the first nanny at all costs because you feel you've got such a great thing going. If it's more money, tell us how much we can pay you. You make sure it wasn't anything you did - the printed schedules, your son getting bigger and thus heavier to carry. At one point, I just had to stop all the madness and say enough's enough.

Needless to say, for the past month, I've been trying to find my Nanny Number Two. This time around, with the experience of having a very good nanny - relatively - I had a better idea of what my family needed. That, and with a more attractive package and two weeks paid vacation we began our search. We interviewed many on the phone, called in fewer for interviews and finally, chose someone that had interviewed with us before but came in a close second to Nanny Number One.

We decided to give her a test period and if it didn't work out, we'd try daycare. After bringing her in a few times during #1's off-days to see how/if she would work out, I am not so sure. The pluses - She's got experience, she's good with the baby i.e. she reads him well, sings to him etc. She's also quite stable. At least I'm hoping with maturity comes stability. There are other pluses that I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I like.

The minus - She's been late every single time. Almost. Her first day, she was five minutes late. Her second day, an hour maybe? Apparently, she got lost and by the time she found her way, I was already at work. Her third day, twenty minutes late. Her fourth day, she was an hour early. I would so love to work with her but we've got to get the time thing right.

Free Day!

2008-01-24T17:20:00.000-05:00

I have a rare day off tomorrow and I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. The plan is to make use of the day to the fullest as in, not waste a single minute. I fear the day will go to waste if I don’t have a plan. So here’s the plan:

8:00 am – Hand Blu over to his Nanny and run off to the gym
8:35 am – Yes o, just 30 mins at the gym. That’s enough for a sister. Anyway, shower, get dressed.
9:00 am – Drop off the stuff I need to mail at the post office. Maybe some eviction letters included as some people are getting on my nerves.
9:30 am – Hit the shops. I have a $10 DSW certificate. I MUST buy something from that big ol’ store. Speaking of big ol’ things, it’s time for me to replace my tired over-sized purse that I use for a laptop bag and I also need an over-sized jacket for this weather. I don't know how I can go to two different places in the space of two hours.
11:30 – Get nails done, get brows waxed. It’s been a while since my brows felt some hot wax.
1:00PM – Orthopedic appointment. My yeye trainer broke my arm.
3:00PM – Hit more shops. Maybe get my hair cornrowed. I’m getting tired of the weekly salon visits. This back to natural thing might be for the birds. Besides, this yeye running messes with my hair.
5:00PM – Get my Mexican. I can’t forget that.
5:30PM – Sayonara, Nanny. Hello, Blu.

How I Love the Modern Naija Man

2008-01-22T16:34:00.000-05:00

I don’t say this often but I lurrrrr me some Naija men. Not all, some. In particular, I’m loving me the modern ones. I so love them. Coming from me, this is strange. I am not usually one to shower praises on Naija men. In fact, I have a post titled “Why You Shouldn’t Marry a Naija Man” dedicated to my FACS (free and clear sisters). I never published it because 1. It’s not entirely fair. 2. I married one. 3. I knew I’d regret posting it.

That’s besides the point. Today, I want to declare that I love me some Naija men. For so many reasons too. Let’s start with my cousin’s husband. We were on the phone chitchatting and he tells me that he’s staying home with the kids now because his wife got a new job making more money. Unbelievable. This, coming from a Naija man’s man? I found it hard to believe.

For the past two years, he’s worked, no, toiled for his family. Working incredible hours while my cousin went to school and took her professional exams. He supported the family rather generously; she got a new car and her dream house, they took vacations without him and lived the good life while he worked his butt off. Now, apparently, she’s got a great job that requires a lot of traveling and he’s taking care of their babies while she moves ahead in her career. He said all this to me with no ounce of somehow-ness. As in, he was very proud of her and it was clear to me that he was beaming with pride on the other end. Now, that’s just fab. Of course he’s not sitting on his butt all day, he’s got his PP that he runs on the side that brings in a ton of cash but the main gist of the story is that he’s happy to take care of the kids while she does her corporate thing.

The thing that’s pretty appealing to me about this is that I know so many men that will do the same thing. They’ll let their wives forge ahead while they take care of the home front. By take care of the home front, I don’t mean sit down and just watch the kids. These men would want to do a little more than that. As I rattle of the list in my head, it amazes me that these are all Naija men that I am thinking of. That’s just wonderful. We’ve come a long way in our generation. We’ve got men that support us, men that are happy to take care of the babies, men that take pride in their cooking and most importantly, men that are truly responsible and take their duties as fathers and husbands very seriously. It is really awesome. My friend’s husband makes the best desserts and brings some over every time they come and visit. Ain’t that a trip? A Naija man that’s not afraid to show people on the outside that he cooks.

It’s so easy to get together with your girls and complain that our (Naija) men don’t do this or that. The truth is that they’ve come a loooooooooong way from their dads. They are not their fathers. They love their children and their wives openly and deeply. It’s just such a wonderful thing.

How Mama Got Her Groove Back..Kinda

2008-01-20T01:31:00.000-05:00

For the first time since Blu's birth, I had my first real big people's outing. As we were getting ready, I pointed out to DH that this was my first real big people's outing and he found that hard to believe. What about this person's event, he said, I was like that was a BABY shower! What about that person's thing, he said, and I replied: "YOU went and said you were representing us, remember?" Mae's 30th was my first real people's outing in a long time without a belly - yes o, my country self went to a few big people's events when I was expecting Blu. Anyway, there was no way I was going to miss out on this here gig. My friend Dolly had been hyping it forever saying there was going to be a soul singer, it was going to be in this new lounge, bla, bla, bla.

Thank God for sisters who agree to babysit, we had a reliable babysitter for Blu and we were all set to go. Not before he displayed for us well well. My boy did all sortsa things that prevented us from leaving the house on time. We finally got there and it felt so good to be out with my crowd. In no time, I had a resfreshing beverage in my hands and was enjoying the ambiance. Dolly and co really put their foot in it - they transformed the lounge big time with Mae's theme. I know who to call for my next gig.

The music was good, the soul singer was excellent, the beverages were a welcome change from what I've been used to, but two hours later, I started missing my Blu and mama had to go be with her baby. I heard the party was on until 3 in the morning and I missed out on a lot of major moments. All the same, I enjoyed the little time I spent at the party. Note to self: I's a mama now and I can't hang like I used to. At least not right now.

Clothing Drive

2008-01-16T15:25:00.001-05:00

So, I've got the wheels set in motion for my clothing drive. February 16th is the deadline for my family, friends, co-workers, etc to give me new and gently used clothes for my children. My children = the children (1-18) in the orphanages in Naija and the newborn babies in Rwanda. I am so glad to have gotten it off the ground. I actually started telling people last year but received a couple of nasty emails.

There's always a silver lining though. One of my friends has been so super collecting donations on my behalf. This past weekend, she dropped off bags and bags of clothes and she's got more coming. God bless you, B! My lil' sis has also donated some new clothes fresh from France. God bless you, GB! So many people have promised to clear out their closets before my deadline. It's all wonderful. I can't wait to box them all up and ship them off to their final destinations.

DH and I somehow got talking about how many pens we have in the house. It's ridiculous. We have loads and loads of pens. It's also funny because at my desk at work, I always have to scramble to find my one lonesome pen. Anyways, I grabbed a handful on my way out the door ('cause I'm tired of looking for that one biro) and he was like why don't we ship some to Naija. I found that in itself so funny. Ship biros? Alrighty then. He was like, what if we got boxes and boxes and shipped them to kids in Naija schools? We talked some more about it and thought maybe after this clothes drive, we'll do a school supplies drive and find a school in Naija that we'll supply with all manner of school supplies. Neat, ain't it? We'll see about that if people aren't tired of me by then. Asking for donations can almost seem like begging. You have to be strong-willed about it.

I'm still looking for someone to ship my stuff to Naija and Rwanda. I heard there's some guy that'll ship for $2 per pound. That doesn't sound like a bad deal. If that doesn't work out, I'll use the good old US Postal Service. I'm hoping I can get a reliable shipping agent though. Anyone knows one in Atlanta, please let me know. I've heard of some people that'll do it but you have to get the stuff to New York.

Advice for 2008

2008-01-04T09:52:00.000-05:00

I got this from a friend and some of the points the writer made struck a chord with me. The first one about discarding people or events that do me no good, for one. I noticed that after the birth of my son, I have been cautious about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. There are so many friends that have had to go and not necessarily because they were bad but because they didn't add value to my life or weren't positive. Anyway, enough talk. Here's the shortened version of someone's "Good Points for 2008". Some apply and some don't.

Good Points for 2008
Best Wishes in 2008!!
o Go through your cell phone, caller id, calendar, and email addresses and discard all the people and events that mean you no good or don't benefit your life!
I sure will. There are some people I ain't called in a while and something tells me I am not going to call them any time soon.
o Stop making excuses about your life and make changes!
True.
o If you are involved w/ a person, job, or circumstance that is doing more harm than good, do yourself a favor - LET IT GO!
Hmmm, this applies to many someones I know.
o Take care of your kids and devote a weekend or two when you spend "quality" time with them. Who cares if you miss out on a "mix"! You can
party anytime!
Okay, no nanny this weekend. She was scheduled to come for no particular reason. I'll ask her not to come. Next weekend though is a different story I've got something really exciting going that doesn't involve kids - Mama's gotta get her groove on.
o Get your debt in order! Eventually you'll want a nice home and car in your name!
In my case, you'll want to borrow money for business. So girl, keep your money straight.
o Listen more! Talk Less!
I agree. My lips are sealed.
o Tell him no for once!
Why? Whad’he do?
o Tell people you love them before your hear about some great tragedy inthe world or lose a close friend!
This is tough. I am Naija we don’t really say “I love you”.
o Stop being someone's mistress; especially if you are aware that youare!!!!
o Stop waiting on Tax Season and Save Now!
Wasn’t really waiting on tax season, Uncle Sam isn’t that generous. I do have to save a lot more though.
o Eat what you need and not just because you can!
This is so true. I need to cut back seriously.
o Be more positive and stop being a grouch!
Can I be a grouch in the mornings though?
o STOP HATIN! If you don't like my style, DO YOU!
o Start telling your children that when you're having a "grown folks" conversation, they need to go play. (Remember back when)
This is true. I see so many kids gleefully listening in on grown folks’ conversations. People, you can’t really code in your native tongue. Your kids are sharper than you think.
o Men and women! Cry more! It's therapeutic.
o Stop tripping about not being where you want to be! What have you beendoing to get there?!?
I am so guilty of this. I capital B all the time about how I am not where I want to be but don’t do anything to get there.
o If you aren't in relationship, it's not the end of the world! Self loveis waaaaay more valuable!
o Keep your opinion to yourself! We all know what others should do, but what about you?
This reminds me of a story about this HIV positive woman in Naija that was featured on CNN. She said “I have HIV but what about You?” People would sneer at her about her status but really, what about you/me?
o If God delivers you from a messy relationship, friend or situation, whydo you keep PULLING THEM BACK? Let it go!
I love that - delivered - sometimes we do need to be delivered from certain relationships, friends, or situations.
o FORGIVE! FORGIVE! FORGIVE! All of us have been forgiven for some low life things! So open your heart! Remember - God forgave you.
o Learn a new hobby! Broaden your mind.
True. I need to learn to bake. I have been saying that forever.
o If you're single, start going on more dates with different types of people. Don't just stick to the same type of woman or man!
Again this applies to many someones.
o Stop forwarding all the text messages you receive; everyone doesn't have unlimited text messages!!
LOL!
o Lastly, if it's only 5 minutes a day have a little talk with Jesus! Let Him know you want to be better today than you were yesterday and watch Him turn things around for you!
So true.

The boy has spoken

2007-12-04T21:15:00.000-05:00

My boy Blu has finally said his first coherent word and it was not the Ma-ma I have been teaching him.He said Da-da. Nonsense and ingredients. I have been betrayed. After everything I have done for him, he choses his daddy over me. Throughout this evening, he has been repeating da-da over and over again. Sometimes stretching it out - daaaaaaahdaaaaaaaaah - as if he really wants me to know whose side he is on. Thinking he was confused, I repeated ma-ma over and over again at bath time, and then again as I dressed him, and then again as I held him, but no, that's too hard for my boy. DH and I have a bet going on and I seem to have lost. Not tonight, I have put our little soldier to bed already. I can't have him saying da-da when his daddy gets home. Not tonight anyway. Some other day maybe. I couldn't take the "I told you so!" tonight.

The origin of the word pikin

2007-11-30T13:37:00.000-05:00

DH and I were talking the other day and he wondered what the origin of the word pikin was. Without thinking, I said picaninny or is it pickaninny? Anyway, I think we get the word pikin from the word picaninny. If so, that's such a shame. Picaninny is such an offensive term for a black child. It was used way back when to describe slave children. In fact, I remember reading a book in my Literature class in college and the white woman in the story said something about picaninnies. How disparaging. My professor (a white man) had to apologize - he too hated the word. Anyway, if that's truly the origin of the word pikin - don't nobody ask me about my pikin again. Seriously, don't say: "How the pikins dem?" I won't say it either.

Speaking of disparaging words or terms. I seriously hate the word akata. On behalf of all black people, all African Americans, that term should not be used ever. It is such a disparaging term. It is so easy to be in the company of other Nigerians and use the word. It seems to flow easily for some people. Talking about akata this, akata that. Not always in a bad light, they might say "How is that your akata friend?" referring 'fondly' to a friend of mine. I just hate it for all that it represents. I especially hate it when you remind people of the origin of the word and they insist on using it. Can't we come up with another word for African American?

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T23:08:00.000-05:00

This Thanksgiving I had no specific plans i.e. I wasn't invited anywhere and didn't plan on cooking up a spread either. I thought it would be nice to spend the day volunteering was glad when one of my sisters came up with specific plans for us to do so. I am glad we did because HFHH never disappoints. It is always a great experience and you get to do satisfying work that leaves you feeling great.

My favorite thing to do at these dinners is to serve the people. For me, that's where the fun's at - you get to interact with people coming through the lines, you work as a team with others, and get the satisfaction of actually feeding people which is what it's all about. HFHH is actually more than just feeding the hungry, they have a free clinic, a job recruitment center, a barber shop and beauty salon (saw a lady getting her brows done), and a place where people can pick up donated clothes. It is truly awesome the work Elizabeth Omilami and her family are doing. They are keeping their father's vision alive and that's fantastic.

Interestingly enough, a few other people had the same idea this Thanksgiving. As we were coming off the elevator, Reverend Al (Al Sharpton) was trying to make his way in. I was going to tell him that I am a big fan of his work and I love his radio show - I listen to him all the time - but he took a call on his cellphone right before he got into the elevator. Congressman John Lewis was also there to volunteer. He dished out stuffing for me when I was doing the rounds. I'm not to keen on him at the moment being that he's endorsed Hillary. I wish he'd endorsed Obama. I just feel like MLK would have endorsed Obama were he alive today. For the first time that we have a viable candidate, I feel like we should all rally behind him. I digress... Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy Huxtable from the Cosby Show) was also there to volunteer. My sister and I were dishing out veggies next to her and her brother on the line. She's really low key. A few people asked to take her picture but she insisted on finishing the work she was there for before taking photographs. Good for her.

Happy Thanksgiving. It was a great one.

Weird Food Combinations

2007-11-19T13:25:00.000-05:00

We Africans have the weirdest food combos sha. The other day, I went to the African grocery store to buy some yams, salad cream, garri and illegal i.e. not-usually-allowed mede mede (junk food) like chin chin and plantain chips. Anyhow, as I was standing in line, I perceived this fantabulous aroma coming from right behind me. Seriously, it was this strong, deep inside Isale-Eko buka-like aroma. I turned around to look and it was this dude eating from one of those syrofoam to-go boxes with the different compartments. I looked closer (nosey rosie that I am) and saw that he was eating agoyin beans. I was about to turn around to pay for my stuff when I noticed something unusual or out of place - in one of the compartments, there was a steaming peeled boiled egg on top of a small serving of spaghetti. What???? Agoyin beans with spaghetti and a boiled egg. Who eats that? How unusual.

It totally reminds me of a time I was in the Law buttery in Lag. (I don't if that's how to spell it or why a cafeteria is called a buttery). Back then, the Law buttery was the place to go if you needed something to eat between classes. Anyhow, I had just ordered my usual 1 fried rice, no meat, no nothing (I was a vegetarian then) and this girl comes up after me and orders 1 amala, ewedu, and 1 egg. First of all, you had to say 1 or 2 to indicate how many helpings you wanted. Secondly, this girl was about to eat amala with a boiled egg??? Now that's serious.

I really shouldn't be one to call what people eat weird. For lunch I had yam, stew and broccoli. Gotta get something green in there. LOL.

The Who's Your Daddy, Do You Have Money, and What Have You Done With It Award

2007-11-18T18:52:00.001-05:00

Whew! That's quite a mouthful! I totally respect what the future awards are all about but when I saw the description of the Best Use of Goodwill award, I had to say, "Give me a break, people!" Isn't that classism at its best? When will we ever evolve from being an elitist who is your daddy type society. Come on y'all! This is supposed to be a forward thinking group yet they come up with this type of thing?

When you first read the words "Best Use of Goodwill", this is certainly not what you'd expect - at least not all of it. Here's the description of the category directly from their website:
"Best Use of Goodwill Whilst we intensely admire those who have been able to do well in spite of their disadvantaged backgrounds, we also appreciate those young people who have been able to use fame, acclaim, success, popularity, achievement, love etc to achieve something great either for themselves or for their society. Children of accomplished and/or famous Nigerians who have used their parents’ name wisely and effectively for positive ends are those we seek – so this award is for young people from a famous and/or wealthy parents/families but who have been able not only to work hard via an active engagement with the Nigerian environment, but who have also taken advantage of their family’s goodwill to make a positive impact on society."

I don't know but if I were a child of Chief, Doctor, Honorable, Your Highness so and so and I were actively involved in making a positive impact on society, I would be totally offended by this award. I mean, if I worked hard and did my part to make things better for others, I would hate to be short-listed for this award simply because I was the child of Chief, Doctor, Honorable, Your Highness so and so and I did something good for my society. Those two things are mutually exclusive. I would want my achievements to be noted just for what they are and not because of my family's background. We need to stop putting people on a pedestal just because they come from a well-known family and/or have money. So many people who don't come from those backgrounds still give back. Where's their award category? Okay, don't go setting up an award category for the Your Daddy Ain't Got No Name or No Money But You Have Done Great Things In Our Society award. That would just be as offensive.

What's for Dinner? 11/16/07

2007-11-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

Because I am rather jobless, we are having three cheese (cheddar, asiago, parmesan) au gratin potatoes, roasted chicken marinated in lemon (like for yassa) and caesar salad with store-bought croutons. I was going to make ewa (beans) but ewa just takes too long to cook.

Lil sis - Don't you wish you were in town? Ha ha!!!

Totally Uninspired

2007-11-16T12:10:00.000-05:00

I'm at this stage in my life where I need to take concrete steps to make my life more meaningful. That sounds so cliche but I need to do something MORE with my life. I have tons of ideas but I haven't been inspired to take the next step. My mind's been working overtime and there's been pressure from DH to do SOMETHING already but yet nothing. Maybe I need to take a trip to home country to get some motivation. It always helps spur me into action or at least gets my creative juices flowing.

Here's one idea I have floating around - I think I may have even blogged about my experience visiting the Motherless Babies Home in Lekki and seeing a little boy dressed in little girl clothing. I want to organize a clothing drive specifically for kids. I have tried to talk to my friends about this but somehow the conversation turns back to them/us: Em, what if I have another baby? It's been five years but you never know? So when next are we taking a trip? We need to take a vacation! Huh? I just told you about these kids needing clothes and that's what you have to say?

I can't really blame anyone for not seeing my vision. It's my deal not theirs. Also, I have been a total slacker. It has been a while since I took that trip but haven't done too much since then. I need to investigate this further - Is it okay to give little kids used clothes? I could always ask for new clothing but don't know that I can go far with that. It might be best to start with what people don't want and gradually move up. What about the jazz issue? I have heard that some Naija people don't like to give away their used clothes for fear that those that receive them will harm them with black magic. Also, how do I get the clothes there if I do a drive here? It can get expensive mailing these things - I know from experience. I can only pay for so much shipping. I think about all these issues and hit the brakes.

Well, if it doesn't work out in Nigeria, what about Rwanda? Maybe I need to concentrate on Rwanda. I know for a fact that they appreciate the clothes. I've given away new and used items from Blu's layette and have been told how appreciative the new mothers over there are. I feel I should do more than just that but I'm stuck - totally uninspired. Maybe I need to find someone who shares this passion and take this one step further.

Nanny's First Day

2007-11-16T11:15:00.000-05:00

After going through a series of interviews, reference checks, nanny cams, etc, etc, we have hired Blu's new nanny. Her name funnily enough is Fannie. I don't know why that always makes me smile. "Hey Blu, there's your nanny, Fannie." Anyways, I had her come in a little later on her first day and was with her the entire day to get her settled in. As it stands, I think we (rather I) made a good choice. She's all that I was looking for in a nanny. Most importantly, she is good with Blu and loves on him. She spent a lot of time playing with him. Even getting on the floor with him and everythang. I'm his mama and I ain't ever been on the floor with him. It really feels good to be working (from home) and knowing that someone is taking care of my bebe. Taking good care of my bebe - talking to him and singing to him. It's awesome. God please let this last.

A nanny is not a house girl. A nanny is not a house girl. A nanny is not a house girl. I have to repeat that to myself. I hate the whole house girl concept but being Naija, I do have some tendencies. For instance, I hate folding laundry. I hate hate hate this chore. I can do the laundry (when it's up to my neck) but I hate to fold it. So naturally, since Blu sleeps half the time that Fannie's here, I asked if she wouldn't mind folding the laundry. I know, I know. She did an excellent job though. When DH came home, I had to show him this miracle that was perfectly folded clothes that resembled a shelf at the Gap. But I made up for it by making her a smoked salmon caesar salad when I made one for myself at lunchtime and then I offered her tea and cupcakes (yeah, I shouldn't be baking those) for afternoon tea. I also had her leave early just because. Actually, I think I just wanted to hold my baby. Anyhow, Blu's nanny has started and we are happy people.

What Do Nigerians Excel In?

2007-11-09T12:14:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it is that Nigerians do very well. What is it that we excel in? What one thing or maybe two, three or four things can we say that Nigerians are really good at? I don't know if I am not thinking through this really well but I really am not sure. We are definitely good at many things but as far as excelling in certain areas, I don't know. You know how the Swiss are known for their watches, the Belgians for their chocolates, waffles, beer, the Germans for their cars, the French for their food, fashion, strikes (LOL).... What is it that Nigerians do really well? Someone said 419 but just like an Italian would reject the notion that they are known for their association with mafias, I reject that notion also. I probably would come up with an answer to this myself but was wondering out loud.

Nanny vs. Daycare

2007-10-24T07:42:00.000-04:00

Once again we are doing the nanny-daycare-nanny-daycare dance. What's it going to be? I was almost settling into the idea of Blu going to the daycare at DH's job when an opportunity came to interview a few nannies. After narrowing it down to two potential candidates, I think we might be getting a nanny but I'm not sure. I still need to think through it. I'm all about the details sometimes. I'm thinking about things such as will she eat our food or bring hers in? This is a somewhat valid concern because we never have a fully stocked fridge being that I put grocery shopping at the back of my to do list. Should she cook for us? They both offered to and I said no, that's okay. I was immediately reprimanded by a friend who said I should have left it open.

One of the candidates wanted to know if it was okay to bring her 4-year old with her. I'm not opposed to it but can I get sued if her daughter gets injured ? (not a very valid concern but I did think about it) Will the little girl be noisy on the days that I have to work from home? This particular nanny knows CPR and can drive so that definitely outweighs any cons associated with bringing her daughter. As for the other nanny, I really, really liked her. There's something about an older woman that just screams mother, caring, stable. She may not be, who knows? But I really liked her just on sight. One thing though, she doesn't speak too much English. Is that even correct? She didn't speak much during the interview and I'm wondering if we'll have communication issues. Again, I liked her because she seems stable and I'm looking for someone who is willing to work with us for a few years. I want someone who's going to love on him almost like his Mama (my term) and be happy doing it. The ideal candidate would be someone like our dada who was just so sweet bringing us puff puff every morning on her way to work. My mom says she still asks after us.

As far as daycare goes, it won't be that inconvenient should we choose to go that route. DH will take Blu with him everyday since the daycare is in his building. However, we would have to get him ready in the morning (and we are so not morning people ourselves) and there are days when we would almost break our necks trying to pick him up before the 6pm or else deadline. Of course the daycare environment is somewhat stable in the sense that they won't quit on you (usually). I'm just not sure about the loving part - the babies stay in their cots all day long and are not held or cuddled much.

Right now, I am loving the freedom having a nanny would give us. We could go out to eat/play/whatever without Blu; I could go get my nails done on my way home from work; when my sister visits we could leave our babies with the nanny and just take off! It all seems exciting now but all of this is dependent on finding the right dada for Blu.

Mama Gotta Work

2007-10-24T07:00:00.000-04:00

In a few days, I will be kissing my son (and DH - let me not forget my dear DH) goodbye and heading off to the airport. I so hate it. I so dread it. But Mama gotta work. So soon after getting off maternity leave, I'm already leaving my child. How's that for a welcome back? Speaking of my welcome back, it's so funny how those pregnancy magazines prepared me for my first day back. I'd read so many articles on how to 'ease' back in, how to show you've still got it, and how to deal with co-workers and bosses who think you've just come back from a loooooooong vacation in Hawaii. Those articles sure prepared me for what I was about to face. But nothing, NOTHING could have prepared me for my boss saying : "How do you feel about traveling?" on my FIRST day back.

Excuse me, how the (many, many bad words) am I supposed to feel? How about I feel like quitting but need to be responsible and not do anything that drastic? I was supposed to travel my first week but put it off until now. I'm trying to get a positive outlook about it all. It would be hard to spend just one night away from Blu. I doubt that I'll get any sleep. But Mama's gotta work. And Mama's decided to do a good job while she's at it. No point in half stepping. I done entered it so I might as well do my best.

My Stats - October 4, 2007

2007-10-04T20:40:00.000-04:00

OMG! I just went back to see my stats right after boot camp last year and all I can say is how the mighty have fallen! Thank God for blogging - I didn't have a record of this elsewhere. Anyhow, here are my stats from last October:
Weight - 156
Hips (oh so very important) - 39
Waist - 29
Upper waist (? worrahell, it's smaller so I measured it) - 27
Thigh (one) - 21
Arm - 11.25

Fast forward one year (and one baby): here are my stats today:
Weight - 178.5
Hips - 44
Waist - 37 (is this possible???)
Upper waist - 33
Thigh (one) - 25 (no wonder they rub together)
Arm - 13.5

Now I definitely know that I have to do something. Seriously.

What Would You Pay For a New Body?

2007-10-04T19:54:00.000-04:00

How much would you pay to get a new body? What would you pay for a totally different body -not necessarily J-Lo or Janet after she lost those 60 pounds - but a better version of your current self? How much would you be willing to pay for a tighter bod? I asked myself that question as I wrote my new personal trainer a check this evening. Is it responsible to spend the equivalent of 18 months of membership at my old gym in one month when we now have an extra mouth to feed? Is it really responsible?

Here's how I arrived at my answer. When you step on your new bathroom scales and nearly faint when you see 178.5 maybe it is not so irresponsible. When you eat all you want when you get pregnant, lose twenty pounds then regain seven because you can't stay away from the fridge, maybe it's not so irresponsible because doing nothing means that you will gradually eat your way back to your weight pre-delivery. When your thighs rub against each other in a way that you have never felt and you have to walk with your feet very wide apart, maybe it's not so irresponsible. When you cannot wear your regular jeans that you wore throughout your pregnancy AFTER you had your baby, maybe that's not irresponsible. Finally, when you can only wear one pair of jeans, two shorts, and leggings (thank God they came back!) out of all the clothes in your closet, paying extra for a personal trainer might not be a bad idea. Oh and finally finally, when you don't feel good - when you are not at your personal best and it is affecting your mood, getting a personal trainer might be necessary even if it's only for a short while.

I am really wondering if I made a right decision getting this personal trainer keeping in mind that I am paying him the equivalent of eighteen boxes of 216-count pampers. I know this because I had to buy a stash today for my little boy Blu. In the end, I am hoping that a healthier, happier mommy will somehow result in a healthier, happier family and that is priceless, no?

Moringa, Moringa!

2007-09-23T05:23:00.001-04:00

That my mother is a huge fan of moringa and is an understatement. She loves this natural product in all its forms - powder, tonic, soap, ointment, balm. She definitely loves everything about moringa. I, on the other hand, not so much. She loves the fact that it's great for detoxing, combined with other herbs, it's great for the skin, etc etc. Whenever you have anything, my mom says to take moringa. Mom, there's this bla bla bla going on with me and she'll say "try moringa". Mom, there's another bla bla bla bothering me and she'll say "have you used moringa".

I don't know what it is I don't like about it. Maybe I started off on the wrong footing. My first experience with Moringa was when she started me off on the tonic that came in this huge ribena-sized bottle. It tasted awful. She rattled off the list of health benefits associated with taking the tonic but as much as I tried, I couldn't get past a quarter of the bottle. And try I did - closing my eyes and gulping down the required spoonful was a killer - but it didn't help. Still, every time she visits, she brings with her an armful of moringa products that mysteriously find their way to the back of my bathroom cabinet.

One fine day, I ran out of soap and then I remembered I had moringa soap in the back of my bathroom cabinet. Next thing I knew, discovered some kind of irritation and of course I blamed it on moringa. I immediately threw out anything that had moringa in it. Now that I think about it, the irritation could have been from a number of places like our drill sergeant guy making us lie down in the wet grass during bootcamp.

On her last visit, my mom brought with her some more moringa goodies. This time, there was a moringa and neem soap which funnily enough smells delicious and then a balm which also has this minty smell that's not at all offensive. To cut to the chase, I recently had some kind of irration on my finger and before my mom could say "try moringa", I put some on the finger. One day later, it's all cleared up and so I'm saying moringa, moringa what a fantastic herb.

Blu has some rashes and at some point when nothing the peds prescribed was working, I momentarily considered putting some of that balm on him. However, being the same person that wouldn't let anyone put epo (palm oil) on my child, I doubt that I'll go that far. Mommy can use moringa but Blu, not so much. At least not until I get further clarification from my own mommy. I may not have to go that far, I can already guess what she'll say.

War of the Paci(fier)

2007-09-17T16:43:00.000-04:00

From day one we've been ambivalent about whether or not we would use pacifiers. I did not have any particular opinion for or against but the people around me had definitive opinions about whether or not to introduce them to infants. Those who were for pacis thought they were a lifesaver and like visa (or Mastercard) they wouldn't go anywhere without it - ROCKS (as in dry joke). Anyway, those that were against pacis warned us not to even start because there would be no end to it - it would be hard to wean him off it if we ever started.

Our decision was made for us when one of the lovely nurses at the hospital wheeled in our little man and there he was with a paci in his mouth totally going for it! Chei! How for do? From that day on, we figured we'd be a paci family. My mom, by the way, isn't against pacis so that kinda sorta made me feel good. Now, not only are we a paci family, we are a very specific type of paci family. In short, Blu only likes one paci. Don't ever give him any other kind of paci, you would deeply, deeply regret it. The paci he loves is the same one he was given at the hospital. There must be some kind of jazz (African magic) in it.

So, we started out with three of these lovely pacis and after a couple of episodes - one fell down in a public bathroom and another fell down in the parking lot - we are down to one. In a panic, I started looking for this paci everywhere ...well, just Target, but I didn't find it there. I looked closely at the last paci standing and noticed that there was a phone number on it in very small print. Thank God for Marketing geniuses! That had to be a Marketing person that campaigned to have the toll-free number in front of the paci. I dialed that number and they referred me to their website. I take that back, that Marketing person was no genius - why not just put the webbie on the paci if that's the sole means of distribution? I digress. I have now ordered three additional pacis and can't wait for them to get here. We were out today and I kept holding on to the paci for dear life just in case it dropped from his mouth. God help us! I know, I know, I really should buy one of them paci attachers, right? Or perhaps even wean him off completely? The former is a lot easier to do so as soon as I get a moment, I'll go look for an attacher.

Cleaning Day!

2007-09-17T16:35:00.000-04:00

Today is a good day! I feel like shouting from the rooftops. I am so happy that my house is being cleaned - by someone else. It is ridikles (ridiculous) how happy I am about this. There's just something about walking into a professionally cleaned home. It's like walking into a hotel room for the first time. They seem to be doing extra extra - really going above and beyond. Just walked into the kitchen and all the knobs on the stove were gone - as in they were cleaning that deep. I didn't even know you could take off the knobs that lower and increase the level of heat.

The only snag is that these folks are my neighbor's cleaners. We didn't ask the neighbors for a referral or anything, we just cornered the 'group leader' one day and asked if they would do our place. I hope the neighbors don't mind sha. People can be territorial about stuff like this. Anyway, who cares??? For now, I am just thrilled and I hope we can work something out. They are asking for twenty bucks more than our last company. Not a big deal today but if we are to become regulars, that might be an issue.

What Do You Do All Day?

2007-09-01T05:45:00.001-04:00

People often ask, "What do you do all day?" when they find out I am on maternity leave. Silly question. What else is there to do? I take care of my baby all day, init? What else could I be doing? People that ask that question seem to think that I am sitting pretty eating bonbons and watching tv. While I must admit to having watched more than a few Bridezillas, What Not to Wear, Whose Wedding Is It Anyway, and just about any other show on WE tv or Style Network, I am all tved out at this point and there is a lot more to this phase in my life than leisurely living.

Seriously, I don't know how full-time stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) do it. I get so tired trying to juggle everything! There's always something to do. Whereas at work, my nine to five, I get some downtime and a lunch break on top of that. I just had an epiphany - the difference between moms who work at home and outside the home is that one has a start time and an end time. A nine to five can be just that - from 9am to 5pm. Not so much when you work at home. Not that I am complaining - I get to be with my son Blu all day long and his dad is jealous that he can't do the same. It's a blessing and a privilege to be able to spend this time at home with my son. Apart from the obvious bonding, I get to see him smile (which is still rare at this stage), hear him make the funniest noises, and decide which of his baffs he is going to wear that day before he gets too big and outgrows it.

I am really not looking forward to going back to work at this point. Well, sometimes I really really want to go back. It would be nice to get away from the expectations people place on a wanabee SAHM. I feel bad when my house is in a mess and people come over. Surely, they must be thinking, "What does she do all day?" Also, shouldn't there be food - cooked food - in the house if I am home? I think it is rather expected and sometimes I just want to go back to work so that I don't feel as guilty for not having it together. It is safe to say that I couldn't a full time SAHM. I am not cut out for housework. I would love to be a SAHM but don't nobody expect me to cook and clean. If we ever decided that I would stay home, my job would be to hang out with Blu - feed him, dress him, take him to the park and on play dates. I can do laundry and cook a few times a week but that's the most I can commit to.

Been So Long

2007-08-13T17:24:00.000-04:00

Today is my first day back after being away from blogsville for such a long time. It's going to be fun catching up with all my favorite blogs. I am also curious about new ones from comments that were left on my earlier posts. I just hope I'll have enough time to go through them and that it wouldn't be an overwhelming task.

While I was gone, I had me a baby. Yes, I am somebody's mommy! Hard to believe but there he is sleeping less than three feet away from me - my bundle of all things exciting. My life has taken a 360 turn and I'm a different me. A less selfish me. A bigger boneded me (lost 20 still have another 12-15 or maybe 20 more to lose). A more serious me (I haven't laughed at other people's foolishness in a while). A less uptight me (hey, how for do, he peed on me this morning!). I am slowing getting used to the concept of we versus me. It's going to be an exciting ride. My life done changed and in more ways than one, it's for the better.

Craving School

2007-07-09T00:06:00.001-04:00

I swear I am not bored or anything but this evening, as I was sitting in front of my laptop drafting letters to my tenants about transferring their utilities, I heard myself utter the following: "Is it a long case? Do you need help?" DH was sitting on the other side of the table minding his business and reading a case from a humongous textbook. It was kind of an unusual question because I'd kinda sworn off helping him with any school work after I found myself typing his last term paper at 2 in the morning a couple of months ago while he was sleeping. I guess I've changed my mind ever since I found out that he got a solid 20 out of 20 on that paper. I'm not boasting or anything but in my final semester, I got 2 As and one B plus and that's with me being preggers, working full-time, going to school full-time and taking a capstone class. I just had to throw that in there. I don't know if I miss school already but I really don't mind helping with this latest paper. There's something about writing an academic paper that seems attractive to me right now. I'm sure it's against school rules but whatever, it's an interesting case about Coca-Cola.

In any case, I should probably be busying myself with more important things like getting the baby's car seat, reading up on what to do when the baby gets here like how to bathe a newborn, etc. I'm totally clueless. This weekend, my friend came over with her three year-old son and she asked me to help him in the bathroom. When he was done peeing, I asked him to clean himself with tp and he said he didn't usually. I checked with my friend and she said: "Don't you know that boys just shake off the excess pee?" I seriously didn't know that. At this point, I would be a little lost if I had a boy. Maybe the whole desire to do schoolwork is me trying to wrap my head around something that's more familiar to me. Who knows?

Squiggly Red Little Things

2007-07-03T10:34:00.000-04:00

For the most part, I have been 'lucky' with my pregnancy. By lucky, I mean I managed to escape the dreaded squiggly red things. Or so I thought. Yesterday, as I was getting ready for bed, I took a look looked at my back in my full length mirror and to my absolute horror discovered a brigade of squiggly red little things had taken over the back of my legs and my inner thighs.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! I got some stretch marks! I thought I had escaped them. I thought I was lucky. I was so vain. I thought I was so close to the end and I hadn't been blessed with those awful things without a cure. I dare somebody to tell me there's a cure for stretch marks. There's no cure! In the past, I have fallen victim to all the miracle creams and treatments and I repeat, there is no cure! None. Nada. Once you get it, that's it. You either live with it or get cosmetic surgery - laser treatments.

In my ignorance, I thought the only obvious place to get stretch marks once you get pregnant was your stomach. For those who don't know, almost every part of your body is at risk. From day one, I rubbed cocoa butter, shea butter, almond oil or bio oil on my belly every single day. Just about anything that I found from l'Occitane to Wal-Mart to Bath & Body Works to Target to Walgreens that promised to 'prevent' stretch marks, I bought. I am glad to say that my belly has been spared. However, I failed to be as obsessed over other parts of my body as I was about my belly and now I have squiggly red little things on my thighs and legs. Big hiss!

What If?

2007-06-19T17:04:00.001-04:00

Out of the blue, I applied for a job in Nigeria and I've been wondering what if ever since. What if I get the job? What next? It's something I would totally LOVE to do but my life would take a 360 turn hopefully for the better but then again, it could be for the worse. What do I know about living in Naija after having been gone for so long? What would it be like? Where would my future kid go to school? Would I have to go to the market - ew. Would life be more fun with family and friends? Where would I live? Can't really live with the folks and we don't have a place of our own in Naija. Wait, wait, DH is NOT in Naija. I'm assuming he would move at some point. This is still me in the la-la stage. I haven't heard back from them but would LOVE, love, love to get that job. It sounds like a great opportunity. This is verrrrry forward of me but hey, sometimes I like to dream.

A Night on Broadway

2007-06-15T15:54:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to blog about my Color Purple experience since forever but never found time. Eventually, I bought my own damn tickets to the show (sad but true). DH never took the hint so I bought two of the cheapest seats in the house in case I had to go alone or worse still, in case I didn't end up going at all. I didn't want to be out too much cash if that happened. So we get up there and the lady asks to see our tickets, she looks at me and says dammmmmmn! I guess the seats were that bad, huh? Anyway, she takes pity on my bulging belly and lets us seat near the rail at the first level so we could have a good view without having to go way back to where our actual seats were. Thank you, ma'am!

Fantasia was fabulous! She did an awesome job acting and of course, singing. I was especially surprised by her acting ability. I know she did that Lifetime movie but I didn't see it. The cast was great. I loved Sofia and Shug Avery. Harpo didn't disappoint and the Mr. was well-portrayed. I was especially thrilled that almost all of my favorite lines from the movie were used. Anyone wanting to go see The Color Purple on Broadway should definitely go. The music was out of this world. The wardrobe was spectacular. Loved it when Miss Celie started wearing the pants. The wardrobe people did due diligence.

The only thing I had a problem with was the 'Africa' scene where they were playing some yeye (useless) Africansoundingfromttheirpointofview music and the outfits were just plain ridiculous. You know, the long flowing robes with the up to the sky headwraps? It didn't look like it could be from any particular African country that I know of. Seriously, anyone wanting to incorporate anything African into their play, movie, or whatever should consider consulting with a native of one of the 52 countries just for a teeny bit of authenticity. I am sure American audiences too are tired with the Coming to America type images and rubbish music and gibberish talk that don't make sense. Other than that, it was great. A tad bit long at almost three hours but well worth seeing from upgraded seats, if possible. If I could, I would go see the show in Chicago because I think Michelle Williams would make an interesting Shug Avery. It would be nice to see her in a femme fatale type role, very different from my impressions of her as a third of Destiny's Child.

One last thing, I always thought going to Broadway was this shishi thing to do but it turns out that you'll be okay showing up in jeans and a tee. What a spoiler. There are some things you just want to dress up for.

All My Life I Had to Fight

2007-06-12T12:44:00.000-04:00

Remember this line from the Color Purple?
“All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my uncles. I had to fight my brothers. A girl child ain't safe in a family of men, but I ain't never thought I'd have to fight in my own house!”

I feel Sofia's struggle and exasperation with having to struggle through life. I will say though that her struggle is on another level entirely. So here's how I feel about work: All my life I’ve had to fight for what I’ve wanted and I am still having to fight. When do we get to that point where we’re just sailing? Where everything is just cool, just flowing, no wahala especially when it comes to work? I feel like I’ve always had to struggle to get from one level to the next. Almost nothing has been easy or given to me. Not that I expect that things should or would be easy, it would be nice to not to have to struggle all the time. Think of this in terms of having a car and being denied gas randomly when you go to the gas station. Sometimes, you're able to pump gas without a problem and other times, no fuel for you. Then you look around and there are other cars that seem to be able to get gas all willy nilly. Probably not the best analogy. But anyways...

The highlight of my career - and this dates back to about six years - was when I got promoted without asking for it. Just like that, I was recommended for a position and it was mine because someone said so. Even that particular event wasn’t without drama. I wasn’t paid at the level of the position but I figured that with time, after proving myself, I would automatically get the raise I felt I deserved. Obviously, nothing is really ‘automatic’ and so I had to fight for my raise. The rest of my journey has pretty much been like that – one struggle after another.

The latest one is the struggle to work from home after the baby. I must say that it has been a battle. From my point of view it seems rather unfair (laughable use of the word - I certainly am not a kid crying about something being unfair). However, based on my work environment where working from home full-time is available to some and now doesn't seem likely to be available to me, I feel as though something's most definitely amiss. All the same, my plan is to trudge along and do my best all the time. The good thing about life is that we've all got the ability to make choices. Note to self: either deal with it or stop whining.

Do you know what you're having?

2007-06-03T12:11:00.000-04:00

That's a commonly asked question of expectant mothers. I get asked this at least five times a day. At least. At the very minimum. Everywhere I go, people want to know. Yesterday, I had a pregnancy massage scheduled and the masseur wanted to know, the receptionist also asked. After that, I went to get my brows waxed and my nails done. The waxeuse/esthetician wanted to know. Funnily enough, before asking what I'm having, she asked if I was pregnant. Okay, like my 40-inch waistline is due to gas or something. LOL. Anyway, after I was done with my brows, I moved on to the nail section and the nail tech also wanted to know. When I was done with that, I went to VS to get yet another bra. So much for my ever-growing poitrine. The lady in the dressing room wanted to know. I went to a couple more places and all the people I interacted with wanted to know: Is it a boy? Is it a girl?

IT'S A SURPRISE - We are not finding out.

How to ask to work from home

2007-05-31T17:16:00.000-04:00

So, for the longest, I have been meaning to ask to work from home. Here's why. When I was interviewed for my position, I was told that six months into my job, I could work from home - full time. Trust me, I was excited beyond belief and gave my all to this job. I even told my husband to give me the room I needed to do 'extra' on the job because I wanted to prove that I was worth it. Anyway, being the efiko that I am, I didn't ask to work from home until a year into the job. Not only did I wait a whole year to ask, but I asked to work from home just one day a week. Don't ask me why. It must be a Naija thing - I didn't want to do aseju or appear overeager. I didn't want to jump at the earliest opportunity. Like mention it at my six-month review or something.

I waited a whole year to ask. You guessed it. I was refused. Soit disant that things had changed, the mood on our team was no longer the same because half of my group had been phased out. The work from home thing had been kinda sorta cancelled but I was told that if I had a business reason to work from home, I could. Now, what's a good business reason to work from home? Anyway, over time, this 'rule' has changed to "You can work from home whenever you feel like, just let me know". I take advantage of this from time to time. However, it's been a while since the other half of our team was phased out and I am thinking of asking to work from home again. This time though, I want what I was promised at my interview. I want to work from home full-time.

What are good reasons for asking for this besides the fact that I was promised this at the time of hire? I am going to speak to my boss tomorrow (for sure). I say this all the time but I mean it, I will definitely bring it up tomorrow. However, before our meeting, I want to be prepared. Anyone that can help, please do. My biggest reason for wanting to do this now is because I am preparing to have a baby and it breaks my heart to have to leave my child with people I do not know. That, and the fact that I haven't found a daycare - all the ones I called have a sixteen month waiting list. I don't think this would sit well with my boss but it's the truth. What's a girl to do? I am willing to look for another job if it doesn't go well. I just need to know now so that I can start looking. Again, it's quality of life over anything else.

All I want for my birthday is...

2007-05-26T07:21:00.000-04:00

To see the Color Purple. That's it. O pari. I am turning 30 and should be getting a 'big' gift right? I definitely think so. But I don't want anything 'big'. I just want to see the Color Purple on Broadway. That's it. No dinner (necessarily) and certainly no frills (anyone been to an evening Broadway show please tell me how to dress). This year, I was very specific about my gift. Might have something to do with what they say about turning 30 but I didn't hesitate to say what I'd like. No ifs ands or buts about it. I was very specific.

So, why do I still see DH on Audi's website looking for a car? It used to be the Beemer website. I had mentioned that I liked both cars. However, I no longer want a car for my birthday or anything. I am happy to keep my formerly bashed car for the next five years. Again, I don't want a car! I can be low maintenance like that and don't see any problems driving the same car for ten years. Seriously, after my last accident, I know for sure that I don't want a car! That's not important to me. Anyone who knows him should please reiterate this. All I want is to see the Color Purple on Broadway while Fantasia is still in it. Thank you very much. Merci beaucoup. Muchas gracias. Ose pupo. Nagode. How do you say thanks in Ibo?

The moral of this is that it is important to LISTEN. Communication is key, they say. You could save yourself many many dollars by just listening. The cheapest Color Purple ticket out there is $26 and the cheapest Audi out there is $$$$. See the difference? My point exactly. One mo' question: Why I can't have a man that is excited about going to musicals or the theatre?

A load off my shoulders

2007-05-24T10:53:00.000-04:00

So this week has had its ups and downs and I'm glad it's over. A load has literally been lifted off my shoulders. Even though it's Thursday today, I almost feel like it's Friday. TGIT! Anyways, I had my review on Tuesday and with the way things have gone this year, I thought it would really be rough. I mean my biggest project flat out didn't take off when it should have - I take responsibility for 10% of it but as project manager, anyone looking in from the outside would blame me 100%. Anyway, some of the issues included - a lot of unexpected turnover (not my fault), lots of new people added to the mix in the middle of the project so there was that learning curve to deal with (not my fault), a totally incompetent consultant on the project that I should have gotten fired much sooner (there's my 10%).

Sometimes it seems that we are too compassionate for our own good. I'm talking about women now. We feel sorry for people and don't want anyone to lose their job even when they really should. I have really learnt from this experience and will take a much tougher stance in the future. When women are tough - as they should be in certain situations - the b word starts to pop up and in the organization, they are known as the tough b. I see now that I just need to forget about what people think and just get the job done. That being said, I still can't let go of that side of my brain that wants to pull others along. There'll have to be a balance because when it comes to review time, it's my head on the line.

I went into my review fully prepared to take responsibility for what happened. I did that right off the bat and it was smooth sailing from then on. Not only did I take responsibility for my mistakes or shortcomings, I had a plan mapped out for the future. I had stayed up until 2:30 in the morning working on my project plan and totally changed the way it has been handled in the past. This project is going to be ongoing and a huge part of my job so I'm taking charge of it now and taking no prisoners along the way.

That being said, I didn't make the demands (for lack of a better word) that had been on my mind because I was so engrossed in coming out of that review unscathed. Now that it's gone well and my boss is happy with the way I handled things, and my plans for the future, I'm going to have to ask for a separate meeting to figure out where we go from here. In short, what's in it for me? What we looking at? Where the dollars at? I'm not as interested in the last one as the fact that I need a lot more flexibility. Seriously. I'll take flexibility over money these days. Funny how life has changed such that I'm not as concerned about how much I make as I am about my quality of life. Maybe it's the fact that I have never thought that an employer would make me rich - that's a subject for another day. Right now, I'm just happy the review's over and a load's been lifted off my shoulders.

Lights, Camera, Action

2007-05-23T11:09:00.000-04:00

In a few minutes, I will be recording a videotaped session that will be viewed by our customers across the country and maybe even worldwide. Like people who know me often tell me, I am worried about the wrong things. I am worried about how I will come out sounding. I am one of those people that makes fun of Naijas that I see on the news. Gosh, see how they are speaking. They are so razz, etc. Now, I might be the one judged by another Naija person. I don't like to fake the funk but in this case, I will be speaking properr (a la Tyler Perry). I'm sure people that know me will be like hmm, how far? Whatever. Like I said, I am worried about the wrong things. Should I pronounce my name the easy way - as in the same way as my voicemail at work? Or should I pronounce it like the way my Aunty calls me? Hmm. Tough one. Oh well. It'll be alright. It's not going to be more than five minutes long. I think.

One, two, buckle my shoe

2007-05-16T09:56:00.000-04:00

I can't. I can't even touch my toes. It literally hurts. I realized that I am indeed pregnant and can't deny it when I couldn't buckle my own shoes this past weekend. I guess what I have to do now is buy some new ones without straps. Another excuse to go shopping. Seriously though, it's been a good ride. I went to the doctors the other day and they say my baby's growing bigger than they would have thought. Not surprising considering my 40-inch waistline. Cool, I think?

Graduation Day

2007-05-14T12:02:00.000-04:00

Graduation Day has come and gone. It was very different from my undergrad experience. Instead of actually participating, hi-fiving and just being part of the fun, I was more or less a spectator at my own graduation. I looked with interest at the bachelor’s degree candidates, they seemed full of excitement, hope, and whatchumacallit? more hope. Goodluck to them.

It’s funny, when you now look back, those undergrad days were the bomb. My classes were usually around 10 am or later, and some of my classes met just once a week. That was the easy life. It didn’t seem that way at the time but it sure does now. I think the Masters degree candidates on the other side of the hall, like me, were very jaded. Someone said, “I guess it hasn’t hit them that they are actually going to have to ‘work’ from now on.” We’ve all been part of the active workforce for a while and have become rather cynical about what your degree really accomplishes.

All the same, I was happy to be walking (graduating), even though I’d started out feeling sad that my sisters weren’t able to be there and my friends (also jaded) didn’t see any point in coming to see me walk. It really was a good day. My number one supporter was in the stands with his giant camera around his neck. It made me feel a little sad for him that he was up there alone and not with a group like other families cheering on their loved ones. In the end, I was happy to finally get a hold of my fake certificate and shake the school president’s hand. Yup, that cylindrical thing they give you is indeed fake, the ‘real’ one arrives in about four weeks. Still, it feels good to have this part of my life over. I am not sure what to do next though. It’s not For one very brief moment, I thought it might be nice to go back and get a Ph.D, thus fulfilling a brief fantasy of contributing one day to Nigeria’s young minds as a university professor (I call it my third and final career). Nah, that probably ain’t ever happening. I did think about it though.

Anyways, to celebrate, we went to Nan – the stuck up Thai restaurant in midtown. We were too early and so we decided to go to Dolce – Ashton Kutcher’s new spot. It was still too early for that so we eventually went to Grape to get appetizers before heading back to Nan. They did not disappoint – the hostess wasn’t warm – she gave us an hour to eat and get out – and the Red Snapper was excellent as usual. We ended up going to our favorite dessert joint and by the time we got home at seven or so, I was beat. I napped for a couple of hours and then headed out for drinks with friends until two in the morning. Not so bad day, n’est-ce pas?

Locked Myself Out Again!

2007-05-11T15:53:00.000-04:00

I swear I am not high on anything but I keep locking myself out of the house! This morning, I picked up the wrong set of keys thinking they were my regular set and then jam-locked the door. When I got outside, I realized I was holding the wrong car keys. Man! Dang! Again? I went to look for my friend, Baba Porter to let me into my house but he was nowhere to be found. Not surprising, he begins work at 9:00am but doesn't show up until way after. Bummer. I had errands to run before going to work and this wasn’t exactly in my plans for the day. On a whim, I called up DH to see if he knew of a way for me to pick our lock. Sho’ nuff, he did. He walked me through how to do it. Please note that this is not a lesson on how to pick locks so I won’t go into details here. Besides, I don’t want any oles (thieves) showing up at my door. Anyway, after a few tries, I was in the house. I picked up my correct set of keys and headed out. What is up with me these days? I can’t seem to keep it together. All is well though.

Can I get some sushi?

2007-05-10T16:06:00.000-04:00

The answer is probably no but I'm planning to go to Fune tomorrow night anyways. It's this new sushi spot in Atlanta with a Sex and the City-like atmosphere that my friend raved about. They have a live DJ and the interiors look very cool. I heard their scorpion (not really scorpion, made with shrimp and shaped like a scorpion) is off the chain! I am really looking forward to it. Haven't been anywhere spectacular lately and I'm hoping this place is as cool as it sounds. I already know that I'm getting the seaweed salad and some kind of yakitori for sure.

It's really not about me though. I am taking DH there to celebrate my graduation. Might sound weird that I'm taking him out but it's really to show my appreciation of him being such a good sport during the tough times I had with school. Might also sound corny that I signed him up for a celebration of 'supporters' at school. It is a mini 'graduation' ceremony for spouses, parents, etc that provided encouragement and support for graduates while they were in school. They get a 'diploma' at the end of the ceremony. Again, it seems a little corny and contrived and it's really not his style or my style but I like the idea behind it. Besides, it's only 45 minutes long so we can collect he certificate and then head out to do something we both like - sushi.

When A Man Says I'll Take Care Of It...

2007-05-09T11:52:00.000-04:00

Saturday afternoon after a very light 'lunch' with our friends who were in town for the weekend, I got up immediately to do my auto-pilot clear up thing. I did the dishes and then got out the broom, dustpan, brush, and mop out of the broom closet to wax my magic on the kitchen floor. DH saw this and said "Go ahead and relax honey, I'll take care of this." Something in me wanted to say no because the floors were bothering me and I wanted to just get to them really quickly. But something even bigger in me did want to relax so I just said "Okay" and left my supplies leaning against the wall for him to do his thing.

The broom, dustpan, etc were leaning against the wall where I left them the rest of the day on Saturday. They were also there on Sunday and on Monday they were still where I left them. Finally on Tuesday evening, I just went ahead and did my quick sweep and mop action. I know he meant it when he said he'd help. I just couldn't wait any more. So when a man says he'll take care of it, either wait on him to do it in his own time or DIY (do it yourself).

I so miss my baby daddy

2007-05-05T06:25:00.000-04:00

So, I’ve only been gone since Wednesday and for good reason too, but I’ve recently come to the conclusion that there won’t be many more trips for me without my baby. I so miss him. Too much sef. So what if I haven’t told him how much but it almost hurts physically this thing that I’m feeling. Something always happens to me whenever I go out of town without him. At first, it’s this sense of relief, I can finally eat breakfast in bed and watch chick flicks all day long if I want to. Next comes this feeling that some part of me is missing and it's hard to focus. I'm at the airport waiting to catch my flight back home. There won’t be any more trips without him for some time to come if I can help it.

My last class ever!

2007-05-01T10:41:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had my last class EVER. As in lai lai and ti ti lai lai. Forever and ever. It wasn't bittersweet. It was sweet. I even dressed up for the occasion. I usually go home between work and school to just chill, watch tv or take a nap. Yesterday, I stayed at work late and went straight from work. I wanted to get it over and done with.

It was the last class ever for many MBAs in my class and you should have seen people jubilating (isn't that such a Naija word - jubilate). Anyway, we had our final presentations and people were so relieved that it was their last in-class presentation ever. I did mine without even looking at my slides - I was like whatever, nobody's listening anyway. Before I started, I asked the class if it was okay to give them the short version and everyone was like, yeah, sure! I think my team did okay. We were at an A going into that presentation, I hope we maintained it. I still have one final exam I have to take from home and submit by next Monday. It's a case on HP. I think I'll work on it and get it to him by Friday. I've moved on already.

Anyways, come and join me sing alleluyah! I am done. Finished. I called my girlfriend for a quick chat as I was driving to class and she asked how many classes I had left. I was like "that's it - I'm done, it's my last class ever." She said "forever?" I said "yes, forever." DH once mentioned me doing a PhD. He thinks I could handle it. PhD? Lai lai. Never. I am seriously done.

Ugh! I CAN'T STAND OUR BABA PORTER!!!

2007-04-27T13:29:00.000-04:00

Seriously. I cannot stand him. First of all, a porter is a person (usually a man) that carries out concierge-type duties. When I was at Moremi Hall, my dorm at the University of Lagos, there were several of them and we called them Baba Porter pronounced (PORTA). Their main job was to announce when people had guests and let people in or out of the gate. I guess they were older that's why they were called Babas.

Anyway, anyway, we have one where I live and I totally cannot stand him. First of all, let me describe him. He is an older gentleman and this is probably going to be the last job of his career. It is a pretty sweet deal compared to people his age who are forced to take up jobs at places like Wal-Mart that require them to stand up all day long. Our Baba Porter gets to sit behind a desk between 9-5 (usually stays from 10-4, but whatever) and surf the internet all day long when he's actually at his desk. His main job is to let people through the gates (without getting up, all he does is press a button). His job also entails delivering FedEx packages when people are out, opening peoples' doors for service people while they are at work, helping out with the drycleaning service i.e. giving the people that come to collect the drycleaning your drycleaning when you take them to him, etc.

Most people I talk to hardly ever use him for all these extra services. I only use his services for opening doors for people. In fact, when we have cleaning people come, he doesn't even open our door for them, he just gives them the keys after making me fax over a release (like dude, you don't know my voice? He NEVER does this to DH). Anyway, he also lets me into my place when I lock myself out (which is like twice a year!) and delivers packages once every three months for us o pari. That's it. I don't use the many services that they say he provides like getting tickets, booking restaurants, etc. The less contact I have with him, the better. In fact, I try not to have any contact with him because he is so annoying.

Reasons why:

He is very lazy. I have caught him sleeping in his car several times. Okay, so he's old but he's never at his desk when you need him and there are people that really do need him.
He is a busybody. He knows everybody's gist and doesn't mind sharing with anyone. Who cares??? I don't need to know dirt about my neighbors.
He displays unreasonable Naija gateman-type behavior. I don't have a better term other than one day, I came home from work real quick to get something so I parked in front of the doorway so that I could be in and out and he made me drive my car all the way to the back. People do that all the time when they are going to be in and out but I guess I had to be his scapegoat of the day. I think this is what started my irritation.
He committed the biggest no-no or faux-pas. One day, he came into our place when we were out without our permission to drop off a package. Okay, what happened to leaving it in front of our door like we usually ask him to or calling to find out what we woul d like to do like he usually does before we say go ahead and leave it outside? Instead, I come home from work one day and call it woman's intuition but I knew someone had been in my house. Then I saw a strange package on my dining table. I picked up the phone to call DH to ask him if he'd been home but he hadn't. Baba Porter had been at our place in our absence! That was just so freaky to me. Like, how are you going to make me uncomfortable in my own home? I started thinking what if he'd installed some peeping Tom devices. Probably not, but still this whole episode made me uncomfortable. Since we're not the best of friends, I asked DH to talk to him about this and make it CLEAR that he is not allowed to do that EVER again. Seriously. Because he has our keys doesn't mean he can let himself in any time. What happened to calling first which is the protocol when people are at work? Sheesh!!!
Finally, today, I locked myself out of the main door. I don't know what's wrong with me!!! I am working from home today and went to drop off the mail for the mailman (who by the way, I greeted but he didn't reply. Whatever. I'm going to call the Post Office to let them know that our mail smells of smoke every time. LOL. It really does.) Anyway, I forgot to take the new set of keys they issued and had to walk round to Baba Porter's desk so he could buzz me in. While I was there, I asked him for a set of keys for my sister-in-law who didn't get a copy when the new keys were distributed. Guess what? He asked me to make her a copy. Why? Pourquoi? Doesn't she pay her dues that are also used to pay his salary? I was like, "Um, no. The notice says each person will receive new keys." and he replied, "Well, you'll need to make her a copy." Now, I don't like to go back and forth with people - I don't have that kind of time but I was like "Excuse me, there should be enough keys for everyone." That's when he said he was outof keys. Okay, he could have said that all along and that would have been the end of the matter. Now, I know that it's not possible for them to run out of keys because they were supposed to make enough for everyone but I wasn't about to stay and argue with him. The dude just reminds me of those unreasonable gatemen in Naija.

K. Enough of my ranting. I really just don't like him.

Even my family knows this. One day, I forget where I was but my sister and my mom needed to get something from my place while I was out. I was on the phone with my sister while she was right in front of him but instead of having her hand him her cellphone, I called him on his own phone to tell him to let her in. Ol girl, see how I spared you??? He coulda lodged something in your phone. Okay, that wasn't nice but dude gets on my nerves like that.

Confessions: Mine and Middle Schoolers

2007-04-25T15:47:00.000-04:00

My confessions:

Last night, I had trouble going back to sleep so I got out a tub of chocolate ice cream that has been sitting in my freezer for like a month and ate three quarters of it! I sure did. Not only that, I ate it straight from the tub (something I NEVER do) and splashed chocolate syrup on top of it before digging in.
Since I couldn't sleep, I stayed up till almost two in the morning watching Middle School Confessions on HBO. That really had me troubled. I watched most of it, TIVOed the rest and went to bed truly disturbed.
I didn't want to get up this morning. Scratch that. I couldn't get up this morning. It was really hard waking up around 8:30.
Finally, in my groggy state, I locked myself out of the house and because I didn't feel like asking Baba Porter (again) to let me back in, I just went to work like that. Needless to say, I can't get in the house until after 10 tonight when DH and I get back from class so I won't be going home between work and school to watch Oprah or take a nap. Too bad.

On to the point of this post. That episode (I don't know if it's a series) of Middle School Confessions was about issues affecting children between 11 and 14. They interviewed a bunch of kids in that age group who talked candidly about sex, depression, violence, alchohol abuse, family life, etc. Man, every parent, aspiring parent, or plain simple concerned citizen ought to watch that show. It was truly bothersome. What those kids are doing, thinking, going through, is mindblowing. One of the kids that struck me was Miri Rae, a sweet looking be-spectacled 12-year old who says she is gay. She didn't say that she'd had any encounters with another girl other than she had found herself liking another girl. My thing was this, how could she be so sure? They also featured a 14 year old boy who had already gone all the way with another boy and was definitely sure he was gay. I was just left confused about Miri Rae. Did she jump into conclusions or is she really gay? I don't know. Her mom too wanted her to be open minded and not be in a hurry to label herself because of how she would be judged by society. Life's hard as it is.

Another person that worried me was Orlando, a bi-racial 14 year old whose dad is in jail and his mom and high school counselor were doing their best to put him on the right track. He skips school, smokes, drinks, and hangs out with older guys who could very well be drug dealers. This is a prime example of a boy that needs some serious intervention if not, he'll be laying dead in an alley somewhere. His mom seems to have lost total control of him. She didn't seem strong enough. She said the system has failed him. Has she failed him? She let him out of the house and said "Stay out of trouble" when he wanted to hit the streets after skipping school for the day. Stay out of trouble? He was going to look for trouble! As soon as he was out of the house, he was back on the streets hanging out with the no-good crowd, smoking and drinking.

Then the next group I remember are what I would tag the 'silly' girls. They are in fact really silly. These are 12 year old girls who casually engage in oral sex and other very intimate acts with boys so that the boys can like them. They haven't gone all the way yet but it won't be long if they keep going the way they are. I wonder where their sense of self-esteem is? Somebody needs to take those girls aside and tell them what they are really worth. It is a sad state of affairs for girls if they feel like the best way for boys to like them is to let them touch them. Of course they will like them, but not for long! It's going to be on to the next girl when they are done with them. Man, someone needs to teach them the same lessons I was taught - hold yourself to high standards, don't give it up easily, etc. All that's missing these days. I sound old but these girls are 12 for crying out loud. One of them's going to be dealing with pregnancy soon and their moms had better take notice!

Nigeria's Presidential Elections

2007-04-24T10:43:00.000-04:00

From what I heard on CNN, there were 25 candidates on Saturday. How do you choose from 25 different candidates? Weren't there primaries held to limit the final vote to the candidates with the highest percentages of votes? I was only aware of seven that were running at some point - Yar'adua, Buhari, Atiku Abubakar, Utomi, Okotie, Duke and Orji Kalu. At the beginning of the process, I was very excited because I thought things truly had changed in Nigeria for us to finally have candidates like Duke and Utomi putting throwing in their hats.

However, as things progressed, the old Nigeria began to surface. It turns out that the future leader would be selected, not elected when he was chosen by his party as the candidate. Why weren't the people given a chance to choose their party's candidate in primary elections? Instead, a few old cronnies got together to decide for the country. Naija is messed up like that. I hate that last sentence. I hate that I even thought to say that but things like that happen in Nigeria. What were the issues? What did the candidates stand for?

Apart from Duke and Utomi, I never really got to know what the candidates were about. I am looking forward to the day when we'll vote based on what candidates can do, the issues they hope to tackle when they are in office. I asked a few Nigerians around me: "Would you have voted if you were in Nigeria?" Some said yes and I asked who they would vote for? Without knowing the man, they said Yar' adua because that's who the current president supports and with nothing else to go by, that's the choice they would have made. I most likely would have voted at the gubernatorial level but other than that, I think I would have saved myself the trouble of voting for a president that had already been selected a long time ago. That's speaking as an outsider. Perhaps if I was in Nigeria, I would know more but based on what I've read about the presidential process, I would have been better off staying at home. Sad indeed.

Back ON the Saddle

2007-04-14T11:44:00.000-04:00

Is it on or in the saddle? I am using on because it has this connotation of more control. As in, I'm on top of things versus letting things overwhelm me. Anyways, all is well. I am counting down to the last two or three weeks of school. For most (two) of my classes, we've got two meetings and then it's bye bye forever. I've had what I hope is my toughest final in all my classes. That was on Wednesday. Once again (meaning I did this on the last exam), I stared at the paper for a while not quite knowing which way to go with my answer. I got through the exam so-so and then the next morning I woke up feeling somehow that my answers were wrong. God help me on that one. If I fail, I don't graduate. How about that for some cheery news?

Anyways, today is Saturday and I'll be working on two of my projects. Not a great way to spend Saturday so here's what else I'll be doing: I'm going to get my eyebrows waxed - It's been like a month so they are looking muy (very) bushy. That should lift me up cause I've been feeling kinda yoogly. Also, I am going to the MAC counter at Bloomies (where the make-up artists are hotter) to return the NC45 I bought for my sister. (Yes, you - Since you don't need it any more, I will be exchanging it for some eyeliner or gloss and pocketing the change.) I am walking to the mall so that should take care of my exercise for the day. While I'm at the mall, I'mma pick me up a new bra from VS. Yes, sad state of affairs so I am taking advantage of the $10 off coupon I got in the mail. It's funny how I don't think Victoria's Secret has the best bras but I find myself going there for such things by default. Seriously, my most comfortable bra is one that I got for $10.99 from Target but they don't have it any more and I can't read the name of the brand to search for it online hence VS is going to get my $$ today.

When I'm done with all that. I'm going to head home or to Borders to face my projects. How about that for a Saturday? At some point, I'mma have to go to the farmer's market to pick up some fish. Earlier this week, one of the scrolls at the bottom of the screen on CNN said that the chicken is a distant cousin of some kinda dinosaur. That definitely put me off chicken for a while (I'm sure this is a very temporary feeling). It's going to be chicken of the sea for me and my household for now.

Le Monde Sans Tunji

2007-03-28T09:36:00.000-04:00

We have lost our darling nephew
It is so painful to imagine a world without our darling TJ Maxx
There’ll no longer be “Tunji, do the honors…”
It’s painful to imagine summers without Tunji
IHOP has lost its biggest fan
There’s one less soccer fanatic in the world
One guy is missing his brother
Two girls are missing their brother
Countless aunts and uncles are missing their nephew
We can’t imagine what his parents must be going through
TJ we’ll miss you
Ever so dearly
Your mom says you knew we loved you
We truly did
Always and forever

The Pressure’s Off

2007-03-22T16:30:00.000-04:00

March 21st has finally come and gone and I didn’t make the deadline for my biggest project this year. Oh well. I don’t think I’m about to be fired for that. The ulcer-like feeling is gone. The pressure’s off and I can get my life back. No more 10-12 hour days. Thank goodness.

Meanwhile, I feel so bad because I have not been spending as much time as I’d like with DH. Some mornings, I put together a packed lunch for work. Whenever I do, I make up a lunch bag for DH as well. It’s my way of saying “have a good day!” without actually speaking. The other morning, I was in a real rush to get out of the house and I put out some stuff for him but didn’t have enough time to put everything together so I kind of left it half undone. No biggie really but I just felt bad that I didn’t have the extra minute to spare. I was running late so I just yelled out as I was heading out that I left his stuff unfinished, sorry. (I had time for mine though). Anyways, he was in the shower and couldn’t hear me so I yelled again and he was like no worries. No worries, no biggie, but I feel bad whenever it seems like I am putting work over him. Terrible, isn’t it? He said and meant no worries because he could do it himself. Still, I can’t but feel bad sometimes.

Why Don’t We Do More?

2007-03-15T11:47:00.000-04:00

I find myself wondering why more Nigerians are not whistleblowers. Why do we allow wrongs to continue without reporting to the appropriate authority? For instance, why is it that we allow ourselves to be chanced (taken advantage of) by policemen over and over again? Everyone I know has a Naija police story to tell. Why is it that we don’t hold people accountable for their actions? Why is it that we live in a mess? Why is it that nothing works? Why? Why aren’t we a people called to action? Why do we just let things be? Do we not care? Are we too lazy to stand up for something?

The other day, I was with friends and I said the next time I’m in Naija and I get stopped by a policeman asking for a bribe, I will refuse to for as long as I possibly can, give the bribe only if I have to, cram the officer’s name and number in my head and then go to the nearest police station and report the situation. Funny right? My friends too just laughed and said whatever. Like, you really have time to waste? Actually, I just might have some extra time on my hands. I am tired of always being chanced (such a Naija word) whenever I’m in Naija. There’s always someone trying to get one over on me. Even though the whole reporting of police officers may not get me anywhere, I’d still be interested in knowing how many people will stand up and say enough is enough.

Speaking of whistle blowing, I have been a whistleblower for the longest. I’m one of those people that fills out suggestion cards at restaurants, stores, etc. I don’t care if no one reads them (okay, maybe I care a little) but I fill them out in the event that someone ends up reading it. One whistleblowing episode that comes to mind dates back to form 1 (middle school). Smoking was not allowed on school premises and I’d read the school prospectus thoroughly before my first day of school. Anyhow, at break time (recess) one day, my friends and I discovered some form 6 (high school) seniors smoking behind the food vendors’ kiosks. My pre-teen spirit was incensed because these guys were breaking the rules. I didn’t know who they were but I felt compelled to report them - not to my class prefect, not to my teacher, or vice principal, I went to the PRINCIPAL. I got the names of all the seniors from my class prefect by asking “what’s that senior’s name?” and promptly writing it down on a sheet of paper. I gathered my witnesses, the friends I’d been to lunch with (some of them backed out) and we went to the principal’s office. He was quite impressed and the next day, those seniors were called out at assembly and flogged right in front of the whole school. LOL. The principal didn’t reveal his sources and nobody except my friends and I knew how the whole thing happened.

Now that I’m older and wiser, this whole episode seems funny and not as dramatic as I thought it was back then. However, it reminds me that there’s something within me that gets called to action. I can’t just sit back and not say anything. I am a reporter so y’all just watch out. Whistleblowing does not always pay but I’m a whistleblower all the same. Some years ago at another job, I stumbled upon a new hire that I felt had no business being hired. Some background information validated my claims that the individual was far from qualified for the job. This person had only been hired as a favor and was getting paid beaucoup bucks. I went over to the person in charge of all hiring to voice my concerns and the reaction I got was shocking. I was asked what I wanted in return, what my goals were and if there was a job within the company that I might be interested in. This individual was trying to shut me up. Needless to say, I didn’t work there for much longer but I’ve never regretted the fact that I spoke up. I have digressed; the point of this post was to ask why Nigerians are so laid back when faced with injustice? We seem to just shrug and take whatever junk is thrown our way. Our people and our country suffer from lack of people who genuinely care. Okay, I know that there are people who put themselves out on the line but there's not enough of them. The lesson our laissez-faire attitude teaches future generations is that the people who came before them don't give a hoot.

Wondrous Weekend

2007-03-12T17:01:00.000-04:00

This weekend was quite interesting to say the least. Let me start off by saying that my townhouse has been rented! Yup, it was rented as of Friday so I didn’t have the open house on Saturday. I didn’t sleep in even though I knew I wasn’t going to host the open house. What’s this waking up at 7 o’clock deal every weekend? I didn’t go to bed until 1:30 am but still, I woke up early the next day. Anyways, just wanted to say that my townhouse has finally been rented out to this couple and I am praying it all works out. Here’s to a 12-month issue-free lease. And here’s to not going to the place two, three, four times a week to show people that weren’t ready to rent. Thank goodness!

Saturday started off great. We walked/jogged three miles at 8 something. Only thing was this time around, I missed ogling at my favorite house. There’s this eco-friendly (I have no proof that it actually is, it just looks eco-friendly) house that is just the bomb around the ways. The owner also owns the adjacent lot and they have some kind of vegetable garden growing. That is so my dream house. If I had money, I'd just walk up there and make an offer. I don’t know how I missed checking it out but that's the highlight of my route. DH’s open house turned out to be one-kind. I went with him since I didn’t have mine but it looks like we’re going to have another one next Saturday. I need to dedicate more time to talk about what happened. People have some serious issues.

It was my girlfriend’s birthday weekend and our plan was to take her to dinner and do something fun afterwards. We are all grown now. It’s unbelievable. The theme was grown and sexy but that somehow backfired on me. Let’s just say I’m glad DH encouraged me to take a shawl because I didn’t get the memo that we weren't doing that any more. We were celebrating her 30th and we’d suggested going to dinner and then going to a lounge afterwards but she didn’t want to go anywhere there would be smoking and drinking. Ummm, okay. How about drinking only? There weren’t that many choices left but on the way to work that morning, I heard on the radio that the comedy club was featuring quite a few good acts. It would be something fun for us to do in place of going to a lounge. There was no smoking allowed so I thought that would be perfect for all of us. I can’t stand the smell of smoke. We met up at a restaurant and I got there early with balloons and a Birthday Queen tiara waiting for her. It was really important to us that she feel special. People react to turning 30 differently but the most important thing for us was her happiness. She so deserves it.

Dinner was good. Dessert was great. We turned the wrong way on our way to the comedy club and landed smack dab in the hood. We went to a gas station to ask for directions but these drunk-looking men came up wanting to chat. Eventually, this really young-looking cop came back and we asked him for directions instead. He was really gracious when we asked him for the particular street. He was like “Where are y’all going? Uptown?” I wondered how he just guessed where we were going but apparently on that street it’s either the comedy club or the strip club. He guessed right. We said yes and he drove ahead of us and showed us the way to the comedy club. Really nice of him. Anyways, trust our people. The line getting into the comedy club was loooooong. Why? I don’t know. Even though we had our tickets, we had to wait in line. They even had a VIP section with a shorter line but they still made people on that line wait. Whatever. The jokes by and large were very BET ComicView-like or HBO comedy-like and I’d forgotten how much comedians like to use bad words. Other than that it was fun. I stole glances at my girlfriend who is pretty conservative and a few times I was worried at how some of the jokes might affect her. I was glad when she called me the next day to say thank you and that she’d had a great time. She’s not the kind to say that just to be polite so I believe her.

Life Is Good

2007-03-08T04:19:00.000-05:00

It's so easy to whine about life and how things don't always go my way but here are some reasons why life is good:

Despite health scares - some of it caused by me being a hypochondriac, I am healthy.
We got some dining chairs that I LOVE. Y'all need to see them. Totally cool and on SALE. They are plush and comfortable. Vastly different from the earthy looking ones we had going, these totally change the entire look of the place. Spur of the moment purchase but absolutely no regrets.
Hung out with three of girls from my inner circle back in the day this weekend and their new families. I am so happy that we are in touch and still have each other's best interest at heart after almost 20 years of friendship. How cool is that?
Oh, and one of my friends betrayed me recently and I'm okay with it because I knew she would. Actually, make that two. Two of my girls - not just one. You can't tell someone something and expect them not to tell anyone. Girls like to talk. I knew they would that's why I only give such gist about myself and nobody else. If it gets out, it's my gist. Besides, I half-expected it to anyway. I let the major culprit know that I knew what she had done and kept it light. We're still cool. Back in the day, it would have been a huge deal. These days, I'm like whatever.
The least likely of my girlfriends kept her word and it feels good because she'll be the only one I'll be sure of in the future. Need to give her kudos for doing that. I so threatened her. I'm glad she didn't drop the ball.
Moving on. I got asked to do what I call an ise iya (don't really know how to translate this but it's pretty much something my oga asks me to do that I don't feel like doing). It involves me doing a web & audio training for people to access time and time again. I didn't really want to do it because I don't like the idea of having my voice recorded like that for some reason. Also, I wasn't sure I could maintain the phonetics for that long without resorting to my Naija-speak. I guess I also don't want to hear in the hallways: "Who did that recording? They sure had an accent." Spoke to DH about it and ended up not feeling so bad about having to do it. Life is good when you can turn a negative into a positive.
What else? Oh yeah, my scale broke. Not literally. It stopped working and I had to toss it out. I haven't been able to weigh myself in my usual everyday compulsive fashion since November maybe. Anyways, I sure have packed up some pounds since that time and the good news is that I am totally loving my body as it is right now. Really weird, but hey, I ain't lyin'.
An old friend said she saw some pictures of me and asked if I was pregnant. Comments like that have the propensity to upset me and I will probably post about how inappropriate it is to ask if a woman is pregnant in the future. Normally, I can't stand when people ask that but I said to her, "No, I was just fat." Life is good when I say stuff like that without being sarcastic. If I looked preggie in that pic, it was because of the extras. And I really thought I was looking good with my mohawk and cutesy strapless dress. Moving on before I get mad about that.
DH and I did three miles yesterday around us. I finally got a chance to show him houses that I had been eyeing. God knows if I lived in one of them, I probably would never want to move back to Naija. Okay, that last sentence does not fit in there. The point of that was we finally worked out together for the first time since a long time.
When we got back, he made eba while I was in the shower. We had been debating about getting Chinese or cooking on our way home. I know. That's why I am fat :-)
It's Spring Break this week. It's not the same as when you're in undergrad and can literally check out for a week. However, I get to come home and stay home. What that means is this, I am living my pre-grad school life for a week and it feels good.
I discovered this place that does dry cleaning for $1.50 a piece. That is so ridiculous! Spring jackets too! I tried them out by only giving them eight pieces and there were no oil stains or other foreign stains on any of my clothes when they came back. I am totally going back there.
Despite using most of my bi-weekly allowance (more on this later) to get my hair braided, I didn't go back to the ATM for more money to tide me over the next two weeks. This cash-only thing might work and that's a good thing.
Last but not least, I'd been feeling bad about having to drive my bashed car like that to work but as I was leaving for the day, I saw one green Camry that's way way bashed. Kinda funny to feel good about not having the worst looking car on the block.
Oh, and finally, finally. I am so on a roll when it comes to getting our last two properties rented out. DH says he's got his wife back because something in me just sparked and I've been aggressive about getting these places rented. I placed ads on craigslist and in the paper and I have (yes, TWO) open houses on Saturday. I'll be at one from 10:00 am and eight people have confirmed that they'll be coming. DH will be at the other from 11:00 (good wife that I am, he gets to sleep in) and four people have confirmed they'll be there. The best part about that is that we had those numbers as of Wednesday. Who knows how many more will call because surely, not everyone will show up. The best best part is that I have two people so serious about the one I am showing that one wants to meet, sign a lease and put a down payment on the place today. The other says he'll fax in his pay stubs as proof of employment. If all goes well, I might have to cancel my open house and guess who'll be sleeping in? HaHAHAHAAA!!! (wicked laugh)

I don bash my car

2007-03-05T17:06:00.000-05:00

The other day, I was meeting up DH for lunch and less than three minutes after we hung up, I was in an accident. What a bummer. This was going to be the first time in a very loooooooooooong while that we were meeting up for lunch and I went from ecstatic to almost tearful in less than three minutes. It was such a stupid haxident. Really silly. The front of my car is bashed in and just looks ignorant. Now I know I won’t be getting a new car anytime soon. It’s no fun at all. I haven’t taken it to my friends at Classic Collision to find out how much I must pay this time to straighten up this mess. The last time I had a scratch from someone hitting the rear, it cost five hundred bucks. That was just a little scratch and paint job. With this one, there’s no telling how much it will cost.

One of my broda (older Naija male) friends knows someone that can fix my car. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too expensive. I’m really really bummed about my car because I don’t need to be spending any money unnecessarily. My car’s so ugly now. It’s a total disgrace. I’m being ever so careful these days because it doesn’t matter who’s at fault – I just don’t want any more dents. Meanwhile, I’ve had such bad luck with this one car and silly haxidents that I am no longer entertaining the idea of buying a new car. I really was getting my head round the idea of getting a new ride before the end of the year. With my track record with this one, I think I’ll just fix it and bring it up to par. Bummer.

Goody-Goodies

2007-03-01T12:06:00.000-05:00

11.15.2006

I have always been skeptical of people that try hard to appear ‘good’. Call them goody-goodies, holy rollers, efikos, do-gooders, goody two shoes, whatever. I do not like them much because they are insincere. Not that I don’t like them, I don’t care for such behavior. It happens to everyone, you are with other people and you feel the need to put on your goodie cap. I catch myself doing this also. The other day, I think it was Friday, we had some Christianly folk over and even though I had been looking forward to having a glass of plum wine that evening, I decided against it because they were present. I didn’t want them to have the wrong impression of me. Eventually, I told myself that I would have some wine if I very well felt like it and poured DH a glass as well so that I wouldn't be the only 'bad' one in the room.

Not to pick on any particular group of people but some Christians tend to fall into the goody-goodie trap. They always feel the need to put on a good face. My friends and I once had a monthly fellowship that lasted a few months but eventually got canned. I have always wondered what happened, why we couldn’t sustain it and then it occurred to me that we probably got tired of putting on goody faces. Or maybe we got tired of acting overly good?

The other day, I was at another bible study and there it was again, people putting on their goody face. I don’t know, maybe one day, it will cease to irritate me. However, that day I felt particularly uneasy. The group seemed determined to pick on homosexuals and how their behavior is not right. Okay, so you’re not gay but isn't there something that you probably do in your private life that others would consider ‘wrong’? We all know that nobody is perfect, not one of us is perfect, yet, we avoid those conversations and pick on obvious targets. It irritated me to no end that real issues were not being discussed. Instead, everyone found comfort in doing the gay-bashing thing and no one got a chance to say what areas in their own lives could possibly use some improvement. How about the fact that there’s a lot going on in the world that we are not involved with? There are so many ways we could give back to our communities yet we spend all of our time avoiding the real issues. It gets tiring after a while.

Now, goody-goodies not only abound in the church, they are also in the workplace. People who feel like they know it all and no one else has anything half-intelligent to contribute. They are the center of attention displaying employee-of-the-year-like behavior only when the boss is looking. It is all about appearances with such people. They will copy the entire office on emails just to announce they’ve caught an error in someone else’s presentation. How about going to the person directly, the rest of the group did not need yet another email from you? These people will smile at you one minute and stab you in the back the next. The other day we were at a meeting and it was funny seeing two goody-goodies trying to outdo each other. It was like we were back in primary school and they were both vying to be teacher’s pet. They both had an opinion about everything and made everyone sick at the end of the meeting. I think it was in Time magazine or maybe Inc. that I read about the pressure people are under because of the apparent need to say something at meetings in order to appear intelligent to others. Here’s the deal, if you don’t have something valid to say, you don’t have to say anything at all. People, myself included, will be glad you did.

Green Series

2007-03-01T11:53:00.000-05:00

These days, I've got a lot on my plate and not much time to blog. I'm going to be putting up blogs that never got posted for one reason or the other. Green is my favorite color and for some reason, I've decided to publish these posts in green so that it's clear that they were not written in 'real-time'. It should be interesting because some of them didn't make it because they were not very PC (politically correct) or because they were too whiny. I'm such a self-censorer. Not that that's a word but you get the picture.

Totally un-related, but I've been thinking about telling my friends that I have a blog. I'm not exactly sure why but I hate talking on the phone aimlessly and this might be a good way for them to catch up with me. My friends can be funny as in, how come you didn't wish me happy birthday like you did Filay? Etc. Etc. They are really not that bad but I'm trying to anticipate potential issues.

Hungry Shopping: A Don’t

2007-02-28T11:53:00.000-05:00

Silly me. Silly me. I feel like smacking my behind for being so silly. As I was jejely contemplating going to this store my sister and I discovered to pick up some $60 jeans that I had been agonizing over because they were NOT on sale, my rich-ass girlfriend called to find out what I was doing. I told her what was on my mind and she was like oh well, she was going to a nearby mall to return a purse and asked if I wanted to come along. Why not? The company would be nice and I could just look around to see what was new. Anyways, we met up to go to the mall and she told me the story of her purse. The long and short of it was that a dude she’s known for less than three months bought her a purse because she’d mentioned that she was looking for an everyday purse. Mind you, ol’ girl wasn’t dropping hints to get a purse; she can buy it by her sweet self. Anyways, next thing she knows, dude shows up with this $2,000 Dior purse. How did we know it was $2,000? The lady at the Saks counter rang it up and there it was. Anyways, she still had no use for the purse and wanted to look around to see if she could use her newly-acquired store credit to get something else. Let me just say that if it were me, I would have asked for the entire money to go on my card (Bloomies does this, thank their souls) and walked right out of the store. Instead, my friend was still looking for an everyday purse at Saks. Oh well, she wanted me to help her out so we started looking all over the place for an everyday classic purse. We looked all over the place and finally settled on one from Dolce & Gabbana for sixteen hundred. “Nice”, she said, “I could use the rest to buy some jeans later”. Chacun a sa maladie.

With her situation being settled, she wanted to help me shop. Now, that’s where I shoulda drawn the line because girlfriends we are but shopping buddies we are probably not. I don’t do full price for clothes. At least, not willingly. I have to love it and even then, it requires additional thought. This is my year of staying within my allotted cash budget. Anyways, because I’d been so gracious to her, she decided to show me one joint that I’d never been to in that entire mall. We get there and get this, pants start at $155. At first, I thought the whole store was a joke but the longer I stayed, the more stuff I had in the dressing room. Before we knew it, it was 8:00 PM. We had been in the store for over two, or maybe three hours and I hadn’t had lunch. I am not a happy camper when I’m hungry so I hurriedly paid for all my stuff – 2 pairs of pants, 1 jacket, and some capris for the springtime – so that we could get the heck out of there and go to dinner. Anyway, as I was paying, I heard the lady saying something about returning anything within 10 days, yada, yada, yada. Okay. Thank you very much. In fact, you’ve just given me a great idea, maybe when I’m back to my normal senses, I’ll return all this junk and get my money back. I spent waaaaaaaaaay too much and all I can do now is blame it on hunger. Note to self: Don’t ever go shopping hungry or with rich-ass girlfriends.

Now Showing: Amazing Grace

2007-02-23T10:52:00.000-05:00

This week, I had a few Tsotsi moments. The last time I had such a feeling of excitement/rush of pride was when the movie Tsotsi came out in limited release. Finally, I got to watch an African movie with real Africans in an American movie theatre. The reason for my joy this week is that the independent movie theatre by my house is advertising the movie, Amazing Grace. I have heard so much about Jeta Amata's movie being the first Nigerian film that was shot for the cinemas and not just for release on DVD. I have really been looking forward to seeing the movie because I heard that the quality is a huge step up from Nollywood home videos. The photography and acting are supposed to be amazing. So, when I saw Amazing Grace on the marquee, I thought my moment had finally come to see a Nigerian film on the big screen. Even NPR (National Public Radio) had been advertising the movie all week and that just about sealed it for me.

So therefore (as our people say), I was looking forward to perhaps seeing it this weekend between getting my hair braided and doing my regular weekend runs. I called up my Naija movie buff friend and told her that there was actually going to be a Naija movie showing at the indie theatre. In fact, I told her that she and her husband could drop off their baby with me and go watch it together. As I was checking for showtimes, I realized that the movie in question is Amazing Grace shot in the UK and not The Amazing Grace shot in Calabar by Jeta Amata. So much for spreading gist before checking your facts. That's why it's not good to spread rumors o. I was going to email a bunch of my friends and suggest we go watch it together. Thank God I hadn't done that yet. In many ways, I am disappointed because I thought Naija could have a Tsotsi moment. I wonder what would it take to bring the better Nigerian movies to a theatre near me. Just last night on World News Tonight with Charles Gibson, they talked about Indian movie night at some New Jersey movie theatre. How lucky are they? The main focus was on the Indian food served at the movies. Apparently, popcorn is not the snack for moviegoers - it's something made out of potato. Whatever. Who cares? They are so lucky to be able to watch Bollywood movies on the big screen. It would be nice to have just one (good)Naija movie showing.

Study Days

2007-02-19T16:05:00.000-05:00

I'm home for the next few days to study for my mid-terms. This is the first time I have taken time off expressly to study. There's one class that's really got me nervous and that's my Business Strategy class. It's the essence of my degree and that, plus the professor, is the reason why I'm dedicating so much time to studying. For the next few days, I'll be studying, goofing off, studying, goofing off. Sounds like a good plan. Hopefully, I'll be able to catch Oprah live for the first time in a very long while if it's on during my downtime.

Let's hope my efforts in M. le Professeur's class pay off. He's my toughest professor to date. I don't know if that has anything to do with him being French. From my past experience, French profs are pretty hard core. They push you hard and seem to be hard on themselves too. This guy puts a lot of effort into what he does. He seems really dedicated and strives for perfection which is a good indicator of why he demands perfection. Haven't experienced anything like this before. I tried to bail out of his class after the first day but there were no spaces left in the other classes. It'll be interesting to see the outcome of this class. I know I'm not the only one that tried to bail. Most people that came back did so because they didn't have a choice. This is a rite of passage and everyone must go through this course. As a student, you want an easy teacher and this guy is no walk in the park. Since I'm in it now, I'd better be in it to win it.

My Fried Rice Sucks So Does My Yoruba

2007-02-16T13:38:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, my overly eager-to-please self invited a long-time friend of mine to dinner. Before he even confirmed, I dragged my butt off to the farmer's market in addition to the regular grocery store to do my bi-weekly shopping. My goal was to make egg rolls and spicy sauce for appetizers, a huge salad with fried rice, plantains, and baked hen for the entree and fruit for dessert. Yeah, by the time you go through all that food, I'm not about to kill anyone with a ‘bad’ dessert.

If there's one thing I can usually make, it's fried rice. It’s what I make when I have people over and I don’t want to have to think of anything complicated that my Naija friends wouldn’t like. Trust me, I’ve gotten in trouble for thinking outside the box or being creative. Anyway, fried rice is what I’m good at. I mean, when I lived with my sisters, I would be the one to make the fried rice and my older sister would make the jollof rice whenever we had parties. These days, at least my last two attempts, my fried rice just sucks. No matter what method I try - the sautéing of the rice and adding veggies and other ingredients later or the sautéing of the veggies and separate parboiling (why do they call it that?) of the rice and mixing the two together - nothing works anymore. My fried rice just sucks. In fact, my biggest fan, DH had no comments this time around. He usually says it's good when I complain that it sucks but this time, he ate in silence and so far, he's only eaten one plate out of an entire pot! It must suck really bad. I need a new MO. Thank God my friend wasn’t able to make it to witness the disaster that was my fried rice. For what it’s worth, my baked hen was pretty good if I may say so.

On to my Yoruba. It just sucks majorly. I can't speak Yoruba anymore to save my life. My girlfriend called me at work to talk about business opportunities that she's exploring as well as other things of a personal nature. Because she was at work and didn’t want people around her eavesdropping on our conversation, she asked me to 'code' in Yoruba. I tried my best but my best involved one Yoruba word per sentence. Even though our gist was salacious and sweet, I had to cut it short because I couldn’t hang in Yoruba. I hung up feeling terrible. All my dad’s efforts have come to this. How are my kids ever going to learn Yoruba? I’ve also been thinking: Do most parents want their children to understand their native language? I think it would be nice but then again mine sucks so my expectations will be very low.

Valentine's Day for Women Only?

2007-02-14T11:42:00.000-05:00

On my way to work this morning, I pulled into a CVS to get a V-Day card for my baby daddy and it struck me based on what I found there that Valentine's Day is really geared toward women. It was hard to find any kind of baby daddy/husband/my man card - most of the cards were either for women, kids, or pets. How odd. Don't men deserve something? A token? Aren't cards the ultimate token? If I already felt bad that I didn't have anything special planned (well, just one thing really), this made me feel super bad. Not only had I left things to the last minute, now, I had to contend with a meagre selection that sucked majorly. Poor guys. Poor men, in general. What do they have to look forward to? All holidays are for women. Really. Except Father's Day and that's only if you're a dad. If you're not, then you're out of luck son. Men just have Father's Day and their birthdays and that's pretty much it.

So, my question is: Do women deserve it? Do women deserve to be at the receiving end when it comes to Valentine's Day, Wedding Anniversaries, First Date Anniversaries, First Kiss Anniversaries, and whatever else some of us hold dear? What about the men? What do they want? What would they like? This is really my year for feeling bad. I feel bad because I don't ever think of uber-romantic things to do on Valentine's Day or even on ordinary days. For V-Day, my take has always been he better do the planning. For some reason, this year, I feel like I have some responsibility. On the radio today, they were trying to save men who had forgotten to make plans for tonight from whatever punishment their partners were sure to impose on them for having the audacity to forget to make plans for an oh so important day. What role should women play on such a day? I am normally quick to be judgemental and prone to be all of a sudden traditional when I hear of women bending over backwards for their men. I am usually to ask my girlfriends: Does he deserve it? Shouldn't he be the one doing all the work? How long have y'all been dating before you start doing all these things for him? Are you even sure he is the one?

I haven't heard men protesting so maybe I should just hush and let us womens have Valentines Day.

Big Hair Day

2007-02-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

Nothing I did or could have done could possibly have tamed my hair this morning. So therefore, (as they say in Naija), my hair is very big and I’m having a big hair day. As I looked at my reflection in the elevator mirror, I realized that everything I was wearing was brand spanking new (except my bag and shoes) so I asked myself Oprah-like if that made me feel better. My response to self was no. Still Oprah-like, I had an Aha moment. My inside didn’t match my outside so my outside looks like crap – to me at least. I don’t know if it’s the Monday Blues or what but I’m not feeling too great at the moment.

There’s just this funk that I cannot shake off. It’s terrible because it’s making me act out and I’m not nice to others when I feel this way within. Let’s just say I’m nice enough. No jaras. No extras. Not my usual self. I got to work and shut my door to see if applying some makeup would help. Fond de teint. Mascara. Burt’s Bees on my lips to get that feel good stinging feeling. Lip Gloss to cover up the Burt’s Bees. My favorite eyeshadow. Understated Blush that the MAC lady promised is okay for everyday use. I pulled out my comb and tried to ‘flatten’ my hair one last time. Little success there. I take a look at my overall appearance and I look a tad bit better but I don’t feel better so all that effort leaves me pretty much back to where I started. What is it about this funk that I can’t get rid of? I think I know the answer but knowing does not help. It’s all in the doing. Right now, I can’t do anything.

What to do on Val’s Day?

2007-02-07T11:46:00.000-05:00

Valentine's Day is not really my day to plan; it’s his to plan for me. LOL. This year, he hinted that I’d better be doing something for him too. My record is pretty pitiful. And that's putting it mildly. I am so used to being spoiled. One year, it was the works – flowers, nice dinner, and a HUGE gift cert from my favorite spa, and something else. I say HUGE because I was able to go back three times and got some spa products out of it. Last year, it was a customized dinner at a fancy place and a very thoughtful gift. Let’s just say hold the fancy because I so did not like the dinner. Mussels and stuff – ewww! The cranberry bread that came in the basket was the best part about it. And the view. The restaurant was overlooking a river so that was pretty cool.

This year, I don’t know what we’ll do. We’re both in class – not the same one, thank Jah! – until at least 10pm. I have my least favorite class on that day so I doubt that I’ll be in a good mood when I get home. Maybe I’ll surprise him at work and take him to lunch? I don’t know. I have never done that before – show up at his job to take him to lunch. The last time I showed up at his job at lunchtime, I happened to be in the neighborhood and he brought down lunch for me to take back to work. I guess I still remember it because it was sweet and unexpected. I’m on a budget so it will be high on the sentimental side and low on the dollar end of it. What’s a good gift that is high on the sentimental side and low on the dollar end? The kind that makes you say awwww when you get it and it’s easy to ignore the fact that it was inexpensive? That’s the gift I’m looking to buy. Mine's had better be high on the sentimental side and high on the dollar end. I don't do sentimental only.

Outed, not Ousted

2007-02-05T16:40:00.000-05:00

So, I just found out that one of DH’s friends knows about my blog and in their conversations, she’s dropped quite a few tidbits that allude to the fact that she’s been doing some reading. Okay. So, where do we go from here? I haven't really tried to mask who I am so it’s been easy for anyone who knows me or my family to put two and two together. However, I was unprepared to have things I’ve said come back to ‘bite’ me. When I write, I keep in the back of my head something my mom always taught us – don’t write down things that you will be sorry for – it’s much better to speak those thoughts and have them evaporate instead of having them forever stored on paper. Okay, I really don’t remember exactly what my mom said, but obviously, I’m not doing such a great job of being careful. My one wish is that I don’t ever write anything that will cause permanent damage to myself or others.

So, where do I go from here? Do I not mention personal things because someone’s going to repeat them or feel like they have some kind of advanced knowledge about my life? I really don’t know. I just thought this whole episode was odd.

Mommy for a Day

2007-01-30T15:34:00.000-05:00

This weekend (Saturday only), I had the pleasure of babysitting my friend’s three-year old son. I’ve known him since the day he was born. In fact, I helped take him home from the hospital. I’ve always offered to babysit for my friend because that’s what friends do and I can imagine that it must be difficult for parents to find time alone once they have kids. She never took me up on my offer to babysit so that she and her husband could do dinner and a movie or just straight up get away. Imagine my surprise when my friend calls me late on Friday to find out if I can watch her son the next day. This is like three years after telling her I could. Anyway, I was surprised but I said okay. In fact, I looked forward to it and dreaded it all at the same time because this little boy is all about his mommy. What caused the need for my services? My friend needed to get her hair done desperately and her husband was out of town. Cool. I asked her to come by my place and I would hook her up with my people who are good for last-minute situations. As we dropped her off, her son started to scream and I’m not kidding when I say scream. His face was red and he didn’t stop screaming. My friend looked like she was about to get back in the car but I convinced her to go ahead. There are not too many people that do ‘ethnic’ hair in my area and she’d found someone at the last minute. It would have been her loss if she didn’t seize the opportunity.

Anyways, I drove off with her boy screaming my head off. Then it occurred to me that I needed to strike some kinda deal with this little man. I turned around and asked if he wanted me to turn around and get his mom or if we should go to the park instead. Surprise, surprise, he chose to go to the park. I asked if he wanted us to pick his mom up before we went to the park or if we should just go now and he said he wanted to go now. I asked if his mom would be okay with us going to the park, he said he was pretty sure she would say yes. Nice! I called my friend to reassure her we were okay because I figured she’d be worried since her son was in all kindsa states when we left her. From that point on, the day went smoothly. It’s amazing how you can get children to behave. I had several stops to make before we could get to the park (relax in my crib for like 5 mins, go do amebo at my sisters', drop off my drycleaning, and go to the African store). The whole time, I let him know exactly what was coming next and when we would be going to the park. We finally made it to the park and I let him have his time. He did his thing on the swing and then got all kindsa dirty in the sandpit. It wasn’t until he was neck deep in sand that I realized that my friend might not appreciate me bringing him back dirty so we had to quit the sandpit. Other than that, we had a blast.

All in all, it was a good pretend-mommy day for me. A couple of times, I forgot to buckle the thingy on his car seat. Yeah, I had my Britney moment, but I parked to the side of the road and fixed it quickly. Then, at the store, I caved in and bought him some candy but apparently, his mommy doesn’t give him candy. Dunno how I did that. I probably wouldn’t have bought it for my kid either but I figured it was the nice thing to do since he’d been such a good boy the entire time. Besides, right before picking up his mom, I figured I could get in one last errand. We were at Bed Bath & Beyond buying trash bags and he said I didn’t buy anything for him so I caved in and bought him the candy he'd picked up. What else? Oh yeah. I wasn’t really aware of the whole eating thing. He’d eaten a burger at 3 o’clock and had some goldfish crackers and juice so I thought he was okay. However, by the time we were all back at my house at 7pm, he was pretty cranky and hungry. Go figure. I guess you need to keep those machines well oiled. One thing I did notice was that he was way better behaved with me than with his mom. Apparently, kids know who they can take advantage of and they do so without missing a beat. When we were at the store, I asked him to help me with one of my bags and he obliged. By the time we’d picked his mom up and were carrying all my stuff into the house, I asked him to help me with a bag and he took it and promptly handed it to his mother. I guess he knew when the gig was up.

I Hate Writing!

2007-01-26T14:47:00.000-05:00

For work. I hate writing to appease people; having to find the right words to placate people. I am Naija-educated so I have to find the American words to say things I am thinking. Why, oh why do I have to be politically correct every time I write a communication that will be seen by many? Okay. I just answered that question for myself. If many eyes are going to be on your work, it pays to take the time to make sure you are communicating properly and that you are the least offensive you possibly can. Scratch that. You shouldn’t be offensive at all. I wasn’t planning to go into details but I’ve had several jobs in my life. It’ll take a number posts to cover all the jobs I did to pay my dues before I graduated college. So far, the one I dread the most involves writing!

*******************************************************
Now that I've vented, I'm going to put my fingers to the keyboard and make my money!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2007-01-23T16:01:00.000-05:00

This is from a friend who is thankful to have been home and not out in public when her son started asking her all kindsa questions. Anyway, here’s what happened between Logan and his mom.

Logan: “Mom, do you have a pee-pee too?”
Denise: Rolling her eyes to the sky because she totally didn’t expect this and she was totally dreading this moment. “Oh no, I have a vagina.”
Logan: “You have gina?”
Denise: Laughing inside, trying not to laugh in his face “No, vah-gyna. Anyway, never mind, mommy doesn’t have a pee-pee okay?”
Logan: “So, is your gina on your back?”
Denise: Really hoping he changes the subject quick. “No, it’s not on my back”
Logan: “Can I have a snack?”
Denise: Very thankful he's dropped the subject. “You sure can honey”

*********End of their conversation de salon*********

I was rolling on the floor throughout. Why would he think it's on her back? LOL. Wharramess. I guess that's the kind of entertainment soccer moms get all day long.

Getting to the Next Level

2007-01-23T14:34:00.000-05:00

Oh boy. The next level. We had a guest speaker at one of my classes that really got me thinking about getting to the next level. This guy is pretty young – he worked for huge companies in corporate America, did some consulting, rode the dotcom wave when it was good, is now back in school getting his PhD, and has already been offered a lecturing gig at one of the big universities in the Northeast. That's his career path and it seems to be working out very nicely for him. He's done things that I wish I could do - work with companies both big and small and then pass on the knowledge to young minds. It was really enlightening seeing and listening to a very accomplished, talented, well-spoken black man. Yes, he was a brother. I was in complete awe. Not just me, I could tell that the entire class wanted to soak up this man's knowledge. It’s just not something you see often. When the prof emailed us his credentials to let us know more about who was coming, I was expecting an older white gentleman. You know, the typical 'guest speaker'. So when I got to class yesterday and saw him, it took a minute to register that this was our guest speaker. But that’s really not the point of my whole shpill i.e. that is really not why I am writing this.

The guy made me think about my next step career-wise. He made a comment, an assumption that everyone in class was there to fulfill some sort of goal that couldn’t be described as altruistic. He also said we were probably not there for enlightenment alone. And I thought, hmm… not quite sir, I really am here because I want a deeper level of learning, something better than my undergraduate education; I want to learn the implications of things and not just memorize the definitions like we did in undergrad. My Masters degree will be something that I can be proud of – some personal accomplishment, nothing else.

Even though my reasons for getting another degree started off more or less for different reasons, this guy has made me wonder if I should perhaps be a little more ambitious career-wise. Here’s my current philosophy: I love my job, I love the company I work for, if I can’t work for myself, I will continue to work for this company. That’s been my mantra for the past six or so years. Even when work gets unbelievably boring or I don’t seem to be making much of an impact, my mantra keeps me going. It’s a great company to work for- both for personal and professional reasons. The professional reasons are somewhat boring but on the personal side, where else can I get thirty days of vacation? Yes, that’s thirty days in America! I think that is one of the things that has kept me here. I love the number of days I can take off and do my own thing. However, if I am to take control of my career and get to the next level, I cannot be complacent. I cannot continue to come up with excuses for being complacent. I need to build up my resume. Diversify. Broaden my horizon. Get up outta here one day. I have been complacent for the past six years and I could keep going like this for the next thirty years as long as I keep moving up the ladder. However, is that enough for me to one day look back and say, wow, I had such an accomplished career? In today's world, sticking with the same company for a lifetime is unheard of. I need to think about my next step. Seriously.

New Spot Down the Road

2007-01-18T13:56:00.000-05:00

There's a new space that just opened up in the shopping center down the road from me. I think it's perfect. Maybe not quite perfect because parking there can be tough on busy weekends. Nonetheless, it's great because it's on a busy street close to a mall. My mind is working overtime - should I, should I not? I'm not sure anymore. Could this be a good location for another gloss? I really don't know. I ran the idea by DH last night and he thought it might be right but brought up the parking issue. To be honest, I'm not ready to do anything until after I graduate in the summer. There is no way I'm going to start anything new right now. All the same, I'm going to get some info and find out what they're looking for. These developers get as they be but it doesn't hurt to do some preliminary research.

Speaking of another gloss, I'm really not sure I want to do another one. The people (skilled employee) aspect of it is not that appealing. Maybe something in retail? I've got a few ideas floating in my head. The conception part is always exciting but the work itself can be very demanding. I'll keep thinking about it but it doesn't hurt to dream.

Not Easily Embarrassed

2007-01-17T11:28:00.000-05:00

It’s funny how I no longer get embarrassed. Nothing embarrasses me anymore, nothing. Maybe it’s my ‘tough’ upbringing going to a school where the boys were cruel and the lines between girls and boys were often blurred. I remember all the silly names they called me – duck – referring to the big booty on my skinny frame. So, really, hardly anything embarrasses me anymore. I remember one day back in high school, I was perched on a stool and one guy complained that I was blocking his view and the other guys with him were like leave her alone. I later realized that the only reason they told him to back off me was because my zipper was down and they were enjoying the view. When I realized what the show was about, I simply pulled my zipper up and resumed gisting with my friends. So, really, I don’t get embarrassed. I have had way too many incidents where I could have died of embarrassment to really be easily embarrassed.

How about the day I was out swimming, I must have been 13 or 14 and I came out of the pool only to realize that my tie top was at my waist? I must have flashed all the people at the pool that day. And flash is an understatement because it took a while for me to realize why I was so cold. I think I was embarrassed by that incident but I got over it quickly. No drama. I just told my cousin who was with me what just happened. Like, can you believe that just happened to me? Right after that, I was back in the pool again, but only after triple-tying my top. To this day, I triple tie any halters. No way that mess is ever going to happen to me again. How about the horrible plastic shoes my mom made me wear to (high) school on rainy days? They were funny but hey, my mama said to wear plastic shoes on rainy days. How about the day I was at a hotel in Zurich, I must have been 15, and I got caught greedily stuffing my pockets at the buffet table with those little Kellogg’s packs? That was a tad bit embarrassing but I walked back to my table with dignity because didn’t buffet mean you got to eat all you possibly could? Worse still, how about the time I went to Mr. Bigg’s from Lag and then I took some extra straws and napkins, like two or three, to use in my room later on? How about an employee ran after me and caught up with me as I was getting in my car and asked for the extra napkins? I just handed them over and drove off. That was more annoying than embarrassing, can’t imagine a Burger King employee harassing me about taking extra napkins.

Yesterday, I got to class with just a few minutes to time and to my dismay, some koko head had taken my spot. There wasn’t really any place to sit and I hate to sit in the very front row. I stood in front of the class for a long minute searching for a place to sit, not wanting to sit by Julie and her crew – more on her later. Turns out, the only place to sit was right in front of the class by this chic-looking Ghanaian girl just a row up from them Julie. I hesitated some more because I knew that whatever seat I chose would most likely be my seat for the rest of the semester and I wasn't sure I wanted to sit right there a hair's breath away from my nemesis. Plus, the front row is for suckers, and I sure ain’t one. Unfortunately, there weren’t any seats in my preferred row (second row) or even way in the back so after all my original drama, I took the seat next to Ms. Ghana and sat through the first half of class. As soon as the prof called for a break, I bolted out to use my cell phone in the hallway, took a quick bathroom break and guess what? My zipper had been down the whole time! Way down. As in, down. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Ain’t karma a snitch? The day I decide to act overly dramatic about where to sit and I stand in front of the entire class longer than necessary, my zipper is down. I just pulled up the darn thing and headed back to class. Nice way to bring me back to earth.

Totally Put On the Spot

2007-01-12T15:42:00.000-05:00

There are times when I wish I could drink on the job. Seriously. Usually before a big presentation, I wish I could knock back some vino just to be completely relaxed, confident and coole as they say in Naija. I’m usually not this tense about public speaking, it just depends on the audience. Take the time someone asked me to speak impromptu at a wedding. That was cool. I just did my thing. At work, I can be faced with skeptics especially when it comes to reporting results. Everyone’s eyes are on me like they are just waiting for me to deliver some bad news so that they can pounce on me and tear my entire report apart. O ti su mi o jare. I don tire. I am tired. Why did I have to schedule this on a Friday? That’s where the boozing tendency comes in. Not that I’m an alchy, I just feel like it might could have helped (as they say down here).

Moving on, since I can’t have vino on the job, no point in dreaming. How about my oga totally put me on the spot today? Talking about people should come to me for individual analysis? What individual analysis? I already broke it down for them already. If they are not happy, they should… I don’t know. They should just take their wahala/trouble somewhere else. Obviously, my day didn’t go as planned. I tried to be chirpy, cheery, and bubbly but it didn’t work. There was a lot of silence and stares. I worked my butt off until 11:30PM working on my presentation. Oh well, things will get better. I’m probably going to leave work early so that I can get ready for my dinner party tonight. We're having folks over and it should be fun. I still don’t know what to get/make for dessert. I’m thinking about doing something in between healthy and sinful but can’t think of anything. Looking forward to a nice long weekend. Just got my latest issue of Essence and Marketing News. Then there's school stuff I need to take care of. Will no doubt try to volunteer on Monday. Last year, my sister and I fed the hungry and homeless downtown. She’s not here this year so I’m not quite sure what to do to honor Dr. King.

Never Enough Time

2007-01-10T11:15:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought I had enough on my plate, one of my ‘suggestions’ to my boss has generated a request for two more things. As it is, my to-do list is quite extensive. With all the work stuff, I have to find a way to fit in the three chapters before class tonight. Not technically three whole chapters as I have already started on the first, but still that’s a lot to do for a class that has not even started. Later on, I have a doctor’s appointment that will probably eat up a good two hours and then I have to prepare a report for a meeting this afternoon. Oh, and I have not even begun to list the items on the aforementioned list. Things that I had been putting off that had today as their deadline. Dunno how I always put myself in these situations. I always have too much to do. Lord, help me. On top of all this, I volunteer my services to my colleagues to help with their projects. It’s not like I don’t have my own work o. Just trying to be a team player or what not. Nobody’s ever asked to help me out with mine.

Enough of the complaining or whining. I really have time management issues. I feel like requesting that a big ol’ whiteboard be installed in my office so that I have my to dos listed in front of me. I have some kind of mental block that’s also preventing me from ‘attacking’ the work. Maybe once I’ve written my thoughts, I’ll be able to move on and do what I need to do. In the meantime, I won’t be responding to IMs or taking any calls for the rest of the day. Except of course if it’s family…

2007 – A Year of Wonderfulness

2007-01-08T10:33:00.000-05:00

Wonderfulness is not a real word but I predict that this year will be wonderful. Gosh, I can’t stop thinking how good God is and how wonderful He always is to me. This year, I have got so much to look forward to, it’s unbelievable. Take my good news from Friday, instead of having to take four classes (which is one class more than a full-time load of three classes); my Dean has agreed to use my surplus credits towards the one class I didn't feel like taking. Now, I only have to take three classes. It will be a full-time load nonetheless, but the wonderful thing is that I will graduate at the end of this semester, by God’s grace. I am so excited! I cannot wait for the summer to walk and have my MBA degree with a concentration in Marketing. WooHOO!!! I am waaaaaaaay excited!

So, how do I combine a full-time job with a full-time workload at school? I don’t know. I will have to be very organized and manage my time well. No more waiting until the last minute to do my assignments or study. That cost me an A in my Market Research class. Even though I did all my assignments and worked tirelessly on my project, it was the subtle things that I didn’t do that left me with an 89.7% - less than 0.3 points away from an A. I promise to be such an efiko this semester. I want to graduate with FLYING colors! That’s what I’m aiming for and God help anyone or anything that gets in the way of this. I am not taking any prisoners.

2007 will be a year of so many wonderful things to come. I cannot begin to list them. I am going to focus on being healthy, happy, and successful (however success is defined). I am truly excited to begin this New Year. There is so much to look forward to and I cannot wait to dig in!

Taking Stock of the Past Year

2006-12-30T09:30:00.000-05:00

I am not a retrospective person and taking stock of past activities is not a favorite pastime as I am usually left with a feeling of dissatisfaction. Kinda like a performance review - you do your best but there's always room for improvement so you feel like you come up short no matter how good your boss says you are. The focus is always on the 'needs improvement' section instead of the 'excels in'. However, over the last couple of years, I have gotten used to the fact that the end of the year is a great opportunity to reflect on the past year to review what was accomplished and what wasn't, find out what could be done to make the next year better, yada, yada, yada. Reflecting is obviously not my favorite activity.

If you ask me, 2006 was great. Lots of positive things happened. We went back to school after a long hiatus, we rehabbed some houses like we'd talked about doing, we were smarter about investing because of our experience with Uncle Sam the previous year, we went on vacation, albeit towards the end of the year but we still took a vacation TOGETHER. Stuff like that happened. Good things. However, on the other side, we still ain't painted the house yet (we're still debating whether to do it ourselves or have someone come in and do it for us). Actually, I know the answer to that. We pay people all day long to paint the investment property but we're going to do ours ourselves? That doesn't sound right. So, that's still up for discussion. Also, the situation with our 'home office' is still chaotic and we would like to be more organized next year. Life is so much better when you're organized. For instance, when there's a lot of clutter, you can't find stuff. With tax season approaching, we've got to unearth documents as we prepare to battle once again with Uncle Sam. Our current filing cabinet, with it's labelled folders has been good to us but we need to upgrade to one that can hold legal documents, yada, yada, yada. On the personal side, I've still got lots of room for growth. I say we a lot but I'm not always about us.

Long story short, this past year has been good. We're healthy, we're happy and we thank God for all the miracles we received in 2006.

I miss my gloss

2006-12-13T12:25:00.000-05:00

It all started in 2002 when my best friend from college, Brandi Ann and I (Marianne) talked about doing something together. She had just graduated college and we always said we would start some kind of business together. We spent many nights brainstorming and ended up deciding we wanted to be in the business of beauty. We loved many aspects of beauty so if we did anything, it had to be beauty-related. We thought about a hair salon and then ended up with a full-service spa because I wasn’t really into the idea of doing hair. She would be the hair person and I’d take care of everything else. We ended up going to check out the ‘Harvard’ of beauty schools. That’s what Empire calls themselves and were interviewed by the director. That’s about how far we got with our plans of enrolling. Afterwards, it seemed that the idea of doing something became my dream - Brandi ended up joining the US army and I decided to keep on going.

I enrolled in a program and started taking classes because my dream really was to have a nail spa for women like myself that didn’t want to go to those shady places. I wanted a place that was cheap, fun, and clean. That’s how gloss was born. We opened on October 4, 2003. It really was one of the best times of my life. I enjoyed every minute of it. From working with my newbie contractor to working with my very-absent interior designer to ordering supplies, equipment, and hiring my first set of employees. I loved thinking up a concept and bringing it to life. The day I realized how much I loved gloss was when I was cleaning up at the end of the day and realized that I was happy to do it. There were lots of challenging times especially when it came to dealing with my landlord and employees but it’s not an experience that I would ever regret.

Eventually, my landlord decided that it was time to sell the building and passed me off to the new owner who made it clear that he didn’t want us to be there. It seemed like a blessing in disguise because it had been tough juggling gloss with a full-time job. It also seemed like a good opportunity to get a location better suited to my vision of gloss. However, times have passed and I’ve grown lazy. Owning a small business is a lot of work and a lot of support is needed especially from those closest to you. I was lucky to have my sisters step in whenever I needed someone to tend to the register or take appointments. My older sister was one of my best customers – always coming in to get something done.

I seriously miss gloss. The day I decided that I wouldn’t fight my landlord and would have to close, I almost drove through a red light on my way home that night. Almost. It was that depressing. If I were to do it again, there are many things that I would do differently in terms of hiring the right people and protecting myself from lease agreements. The experience will certainly make me a better businesswoman should I ever chose to go that route. I miss my gloss, I miss my customers, I miss the smell of all those bella pella soaps, I miss running reports at the end of the night to see how we did. gloss was a huge part of my life and this is just my tribute to a long-lost friend.

Ladies' night at gloss

gloss on location at Club Monaco's Martini & Manicures Event

My favorite customer and one of my best employees

My boss lady - people assumed she was the owner

A at Last

2006-12-12T17:13:00.000-05:00

Finally, I’ve got an A in one of my classes. DH was curious about our grades in the final exam and asked if I knew when they would be published. I didn’t so I asked him to find out directly from the prof. Being the Naija-raised student that he is, he didn't take me up on my suggestion, saying that he might get some points knocked off for being ‘forward’. Me, ba, I am forward so I emailed the prof and asked when the grades would be published and if it was possible to know my grade before the publish date. That was on Friday. The prof emailed me back and said he planned to have the grades published on the 20th but he’d tell me my grade the following day, Saturday. Anyhow, early Saturday morning, I was surprised to get the following email from my prof:

“You made your usual excellent grade on the final and will receive an A for the course. (There is not an A+) Have a good holiday season.”

In short, if there was an A+ I’d be getting it, ba? Very noice. That’s going to do wonders for my stagnant GPA.

Meanwhile, my last Marketing class was on Tuesday and the prof announced that we had the option NOT to take the final if we were okay with our grades as they were. Word? Kia kia, I caculated my grade and came up with 90.6. Being ever so grateful to have crossed the ever-elusive, very impossible 90 threshold, I shouted out loud, “Thank you, God!” My prof and classmates turned around to see where that came from but I didn’t care. I packed my bag and baggages and said sayonara to my fellow classmates and went home singing all the way. I was over the moon because I never would have thought in a million years that an A would be possible in that class. Still over the moon, I went online to check my grades to confirm that my calculation gelled with my prof’s. Guess what? They are out of synch. She’s got me at an 89.78. Guess what else? She doesn’t ‘round’. An 89.99 is a B in that class. Anywhere else, it would be rounded to an A.

So there goes my short-lived perfect GPA semester. I gave myself grief about it all weekend and wondered if it would be worth it to take the final to try to bump up my grade. I fluctuated several times between taking it and not taking it. Finally, I told myself that it wouldn’t be worth it. The final exam was one everyone was trying to avoid because it is more about Statistics than anything else we didn't cover the topic to our satisfaction. There’s no way I coulda made an A in the final to carry me through my hump. I will just take my B+ and be happy. I am still praying that a miracle is possible and she’ll have a change of heart after seeing all the work that was put into my project and other work done in that class. If she doesn’t, I’ll be cool with it. I have one A at last and it has restored my confidence in my abilities. I’m happy and looking forward to my (hopefully) last semester. Yup, I applied for graduation last Wednesday.

Sad, but true

2006-12-07T17:20:00.000-05:00

It just occurred to me that the reason why I spend an inordinate amount of time at work is because I am bored. Not all the time, but some of the time. I have always been the super busy kind. If it is not school I am involved with outside of work, then it’s off to the library to borrow some books, if it’s not books, then it’s some kind of side business, if it’s not business, then it’s some kind of dance class, if it’s not dance class, then it’s the gym, if it’s not the gym, then it’s hanging out. There’s the meat of the matter – my hangout buddies have gradually dwindled. I am a bored woman. A friend of mine keeps telling me that when I have kids, then we’ll be back to being tight again. I doubt it. There are lots more reasons why we are not as tight as we once were and it has nothing to do with kids. She feels that kids will slow me down and then we can both be on the same level. I can’t help but feel that maybe it’s time.

I stay at work late whenever I know DH will be working late because I don’t want to go home to an empty house. There’s a void in my life right now with the semester winding down. I have no idea what I’ll do with my extra time. I have been thinking about going back to the library and getting a bunch of books. The only thing is since my last phase of going to the library during my lunch hour at work, I have become a little bit of a germophobe. I imagine where people may have taken those books and I am thinking about just passing on that. Speaking of germophobia for a bit- the other day, I was at the DMV and a lady asked to borrow my magazine. I acted like I didn’t hear her because there was no way I could let her borrow my mag – dunno where her hands have been. If I were to let her read it, I’d have to give it to her for good.

This afternoon, I went to Checkers because I felt like a quick fast food fix. As I was waiting for my order, I watched the girl putting the food together. I noticed she didn’t have any gloves on as she served the fries. I kept praying that it was for another customer. Another colleague of hers was doing the same thing and I noticed that he had gloves on. My worst fears came true when she passed me the bag of food. I didn’t realize when I blurted out, “I apologize for the inconvenience, but I noticed that you served those fries without any gloves on, if you don’t mind…” Without saying a word, she just retracted her outstretched hand and slammed the drive-through window in my face. Next thing I knew, a guy (with gloves on) was dishing out a new set of fries. Although I appreciated her complying with my wishes, I didn't appreciate her attitude and called the 800 customer service number on the bag. I usually don't follow through with things like this but I'm curious to see if they take such things seriously. The bag read something along these lines - "We hope you enjoyed your visit, if you didn't, please call..." It will be interesting to see if Checkers follows up with me. In the mean time, what do I do to overcome this boredom?

It is so on! Maybe

2006-12-04T12:31:00.000-05:00

So, last night, we were both studying for finals and I couldn’t print the answers to the homework because we were out of paper. So, I’m like let’s get out of the house, we’ve been indoors all day and we should get some paper while we’re at it. DH says he’s got a $10 gift card for Best Buy (oh boy!) so we should go get the paper from Best Buy. As soon as he said Best Buy, I knew we were in trouble. There’s no way we would be in and out of that store in 10 minutes. His Best Buy is like my mall (no one particular store comes to mind); he can be in there for hours.

So, we get to Best Buy, pick up the paper and I’m like “Oya, let’s go,” because I wanted to go to Target before they closed. I sure didn’t see the next few minutes coming. Apparently, when it comes to Best Buy, I don’t let him have his way, if we’re at a store I like, we spend hours and he doesn’t complain. Yada yada yada. Long story short, between the Best Buy trip and this morning, I haven’t felt like speaking. How is it that I don’t let him browse through Best Buy? That’s so not fair. I know he’s patient with me when we’re at the mall, but we both have finals and someone had to keep us on track. A ten minute trip took us an hour and I’m supposed to be happy about that? I was already pretty bummed about the fact that I haven’t studied at all for this final. I spent the whole weekend working on a stupid project for my Marketing class. God, please help me get an A on that project after all that work and group meetings. I hope it won’t cost me an A in this class. Right now, the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I’ve got to do better than him in the finals.

I was still planning to give him the silent treatment until this evening when we got to class (as much as I hate driving, I was even going to drive separately sef) but my phone rang a few minutes ago and it was him. Am I mad? Of course I’m not mad (I’m about to get even, bro!). I know he called me to make nice so that I would let him dub my work. I told him that much and he asked how I was sure I wouldn’t be dubbing him? True. I saw/heard him studying until like 2 in the morning while I was watching back to back episodes of Bridezillas and other dumb shows. I really haven’t studied so I guess we’re back to being friends.

Lying on the bathroom floor thinking sinister thoughts

2006-12-03T09:52:00.000-05:00

The meds I have been prescribed are really strong and have been making me sick since I started taking them. I called up my doctor because I was a little disturbed at how sick they've been making me and she said that was the 'preferred' drug. With friends in Pharmaceutical sales, I know that preferred drugs are the ones that doctors readily prescribe because they've struck a deal with the Pharmaceutical companies. They come out cheap to the patients who usually pay less for them than the alternative drugs. At this point, I don't really care what deal has been struck between my doctor and the Pharmaceutical salesperson; I just want to feel better quickly. Apparently, there's a second drug that I would have to pay full price for but I've been warned that it is not the preferred drug. Whatever that means, I'll need to do my own research to know what the side effects are. Anything is better than emptying my stomach five times like I did yesterday.

So, as I was lying on the bathroom floor tired because I didn't have the strength to stand up, here are some crazy thoughts that came to my mind:
I'm so glad I can actually lie on the floor of my bathroom. I don't think there's any other bathroom floor I could lie on.
 I wonder if we still have ants? Baba Porter was supposed to call pest control, I wonder if he actually did or if they all of a sudden just disappeared?
 What if I die? I haven't finished my will yet. Nobody will know what to do with my things. I know one thing they can do, throw away my car. In fact, they can donate it back to the dealership since it's spent so much time there already.
 DH is too funny talking about helping me pull my hair back. What hair? My hair's so short after that winch (witch) cut it like a boy. He's been watching way too many movies. Pull my hair back…LOL
 Hey, this whole thing may not be so bad. I'm sure I have actually lost some weight not eating and not keeping anything down. Hmmm…

I eventually got up around 3:30 and made my way to bed. Boy was I glad to wake up feeling good.

Happy Birthday Maman!

2006-11-29T15:29:00.000-05:00

Today is my moms birthday. My beautiful moms turned 59 today. DH and I stayed up until 1:00am to call her since she's seven or eight hours ahead of us. She screamed, she was so delighted. She was tying her gele, getting ready to go to work when we called. I wish I could be in Kigali celebrating with her. My moms has four girls and each of us has shown her love. My younger sister sent her this note that really sums up how we all feel. Dunno how she did it but everything B wrote,
I second.

Maman,
As you celebrate your birthday today I will start by thanking God for your life, for blessing you with family and friends that you love, for the gift of good health, success in your career and most importantly the abundant blessings he has bestowed upon you.

I pray that the Lord will continue to guide you and bless you in all that you do. As you prepare for your retirement (much deserved) I pray that you will be inspired to spend that time doing what you absolutely love, what makes you happy and most importantly what you find fulfilling.

You have been a great mother not just to me and my sisters but to countless others. Your patience, your love, your sacrifices, your encouragement, your support and your strength, your honesty, are just a few characteristics that make you who you are. Thank you so much for being the best mum anyone could ask for.

I hope that in the years to come we will be able to celebrate your birthday with you. Maman, today we all celebrate you.

God Bless,
On behalf of all your daughters- B

We may not be with her this year but next year, it's on and popping by God's grace. B is our chairwoman in charge of the planning committee for my moms' 60th. I can't wait to live it up with my entire family!!!

The devil is a liar!

2006-11-28T21:55:00.000-05:00

I got a call from my doctor's office today with some terrible news. The kind of call you never want to get. A week ago, I'd been to thedoctor's for my 'annual' check. I used to be good about getting those but it wasn't until last week that I realized that my last annual check was three years ago. Prior to that, I'd been more religious about getting a full physical at least once a year. Anyhow, the exams were pretty uneventful. I guess I'd say uneventful because I didn't have the results at the time.

Fast forward to today. The nurse says that she's left me messages on my home phone. Anyone who knows me knows that my home/land phone is NEVER the best way to reach me. In fact, right now, it is unplugged. Anyhow, so she gets me at work and delivers the news. I was very confused. Why? How? Why me? I've always taken my health for granted. I'm never sick. In fact, I don't feel sick. I feel okay. The good news is that I can undergo a week of intensive treatment and at the end, take a break and then check back with them to make sure that everything is alright.

On to the subject of this post, that's what DH said when I told him what happened. Normally, this would make me laugh or at least smile but today, I believe. I will be well. It will be well. We will be well. Amen.

Les soeurs – Don't freak out. I am fine. Seriously.

Two Little Updates

2006-11-18T07:44:00.000-05:00

Just a couple of updates on posts I made previously. On Wednesday, I was in a bit of a dilemma and I thought I should say that I have made peace with my tailor. It took a few trips back and forth and he has corrected that outfit. I believe it is now decent (pronounced deezent) and wearable. He was so gracious about the whole thing that I will be going back to him. The best thing with him is probably to take a sample because he puts a lot of effort into his work. I still won't be wearing the aso ebi the whole day. I got a cute little black dress on SALE so I should be good with that. My cousin asked me to be an aso ebi lady (dunno what that is but I'll oblige) during the reception so I guess I'mma have to get up out of my black dress by the time we get to the reception. Thank God it was only twenty five bucks!!!

I posted some time ago about how I didn't think books were for me and how I would settle for the second citizen grade of B from now on. I totally take that post back. Earlier this week, we got our grades back in our Management Systems class and I didn't do too badly. The professor passed a stack of grades to one end of the class and each person had to look for their name in the pile and pass it on. A quick comment - I don't really like this because everyone in class who gets the stack before me gets to see my grade. Not that anyone in class knows me besides DH and one consultant guy I've worked with in the past who turned out to be in my class as well. Very random. DH and I didn't set out to be in the same class - total coincidence. Anyway, the only pro about this exam passing thing is that I get to see other people's grades as well. Anyhow, the stack got to me and I saw my grade (95), DH's (4 less than me - LOL) and the consultant guy that I saw covering his work (85). That being said, I'm on my way to an A if I prepare well for finals in three weeks. I am very competitive and let's just say that this came at a very good time. Nobody in class knows that we are married because we have different last names and I act like I don't know him for the most part. Our work styles are totally different - I take notes in class, I ask questions and talk to the professor during breaks. He on the other hand, walks in with his textbook under his arm and no notebook (how do you go to class without a notebook - that's like a farmer going to the farm without a hoe) and goes to Starbucks across the street during breaks. Now that I know I'm hotter, I will totally be covering my work during finals if we end up sitting together. Just in case he plans to ever deny that I'm smarter, I will be looking for DH's paper so that I can frame it for our grandchildren to see. This is too cool, I'm smart y'all!

What to do, what to wear

2006-11-15T12:33:00.000-05:00

My cousin is getting married this weekend and of course the question of what to wear came up. Not being one to sweat these things so much these days, I figured, worahell, I will just wear the aso ebi (traditional outfit) to the entire event. It cost me $300 (not including accessories or shoes) and since I'm not out to catch no man, I decided I would just wear the aso ebi the entire time and not just to the night party as I have been wont to do in my previous life. In the past, I never really fancied the idea of wearing aso ebi (trad) to weddings. It seemed the thing to do if you were older or married but not for chikitas like meself. Anyhow, I am past that now. These days, I don't think I would feel bad wearing trad to the church, reception, and after party (which in my cousin's case, is an extension of the reception not a go home and come back later thing). If the after party were to be in a different location from the reception, I would feel differently about this.

Anyhow, this whole gist does not matter now. I went to my tailor yesterday to try on my baffs and it was all sorts of wrong. I had chosen a simple floor-length skirt and top with two slits at the back and a little bit of work on the arms. Nothing extraordinary. By the time I tried on the outfit yesterday, I wanted to cry. He not only put the slits in the back, he added two in front . Err, not going to happen. I told him to close them up because I am not going down like that. For the first time in my life, I went all out and did 5 yards to myself (Because of the high price of aso ebi, I normally try to squeeze in 3 if it's just me or buy 10 yards and share with two of my sisters). Anyhow, this time around, I got 5 yards for myself. You would think that would have been more than enough material for our Sura de tailor. How about the skirt is like 3 or 4 inches off the floor? This guy wants to disgrace me and my household! I am so mad. Just after I had raved about him to my husband saying that he's professional with his sketching and how he always makes sure to schedule a fitting before the pick up date. Right now, I am looking for a new tailor. Anyone know of a good one in the Atlanta area, give me a holler.

With my plans being botched, I am back to way before square one. I have to look for a dress or a skirt. It has to be inexpensive because this wedding has already cost us a quarter past one thousand bucks and I still haven't bought the wedding present. I will be checking out Loehmanns and maybe Filene's today. I recently bought a cute top so maybe a nice skirt would do. Nothing more than $50. I ain't even bought shoes yet. My plans initially were to look for some cute red shoes to match the gele and a little red envelope purse to go with it. I might be returning the new MJ purse that I haven't used yet to get the shoes and bag. I really don't want to come out of pocket if I don't have to. It's a pity because I have been on the fence about this purse (humongous brown purse with gold details on SALE) and wanted to get my sister's opinion about whether it was a keeper or not. Too bad I won't be giving it a chance. I should have at least taken a picture but it is all water under the bridge now. This new crisis has taken center stage. Oh Lord, help me as it is the 11th hour!