The Kilpatricks Are A Mess

Sorry to all those living in Detroit but your Mayor - Kwame and his wife Carlita are a mess. A hot mess. That was some drama that played itself out on national tv. The Mayor of Detroit was sued by a couple of police officers who said that he used his security detail to cover up an affair he was having with his chief of staff. Sworn under oath, both the Mayor and his mistress denied that they ever had an affair. The mistress even rolled her eyes when asked whether she'd had an affair with the Mayor.

Turns out that they did have an affair. The text messages between them was proof. Note to all: If you're doing something not quite legit, don't use your official blackberry, cellphone, laptop, computer to spill out the details. All that stuff belongs to your boss and he/she/they can always come back and get you. In this case, they were both employed by the state and the state now has records of all their exchanges.

Why is the Mrs. a mess? She allowed herself to be dragged into her husband's mess. She showed up on tv professing to love this man who has so humiliated her. She could have stayed by his side quietly to show support or stayed at home. When in this situation, just do Hillary. She came out on top in the Monica Lewinsky saga. If she not, her behavior would have come back to haunt her at such a critical time in her political career.

Of course the mistress, Christine Beatty is an even hotter mess. She had no business messing with her married boss especially since she was married herself. This story reminded me of all the romantic affairs that have unfolded in the public eye vis-a-vis politicians. It seems important to me that the wives come away from the scandal with their dignity intact.

Nanny Number Two

Our first Nanny has gone bye bye. One day in December (after receiving her Christmas bonus, son's birthday and Christmas gifts), as I handed her printed schedules for the next two months, she told me that she wouldn't be here past January 19th. What!!! Why? She said something came up and she would need to leave. She wasn't very specific.

After getting past the shock and hurt and almost begging, I put all efforts into looking for Nanny Number Two. It's amazing, you go through this phase where you want to keep the first nanny at all costs because you feel you've got such a great thing going. If it's more money, tell us how much we can pay you. You make sure it wasn't anything you did - the printed schedules, your son getting bigger and thus heavier to carry. At one point, I just had to stop all the madness and say enough's enough.

Needless to say, for the past month, I've been trying to find my Nanny Number Two. This time around, with the experience of having a very good nanny - relatively - I had a better idea of what my family needed. That, and with a more attractive package and two weeks paid vacation we began our search. We interviewed many on the phone, called in fewer for interviews and finally, chose someone that had interviewed with us before but came in a close second to Nanny Number One.

We decided to give her a test period and if it didn't work out, we'd try daycare. After bringing her in a few times during #1's off-days to see how/if she would work out, I am not so sure. The pluses - She's got experience, she's good with the baby i.e. she reads him well, sings to him etc. She's also quite stable. At least I'm hoping with maturity comes stability. There are other pluses that I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I like.

The minus - She's been late every single time. Almost. Her first day, she was five minutes late. Her second day, an hour maybe? Apparently, she got lost and by the time she found her way, I was already at work. Her third day, twenty minutes late. Her fourth day, she was an hour early. I would so love to work with her but we've got to get the time thing right.

Free Day!

I have a rare day off tomorrow and I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. The plan is to make use of the day to the fullest as in, not waste a single minute. I fear the day will go to waste if I don’t have a plan. So here’s the plan:

8:00 am – Hand Blu over to his Nanny and run off to the gym
8:35 am – Yes o, just 30 mins at the gym. That’s enough for a sister. Anyway, shower, get dressed.
9:00 am – Drop off the stuff I need to mail at the post office. Maybe some eviction letters included as some people are getting on my nerves.
9:30 am – Hit the shops. I have a $10 DSW certificate. I MUST buy something from that big ol’ store. Speaking of big ol’ things, it’s time for me to replace my tired over-sized purse that I use for a laptop bag and I also need an over-sized jacket for this weather. I don't know how I can go to two different places in the space of two hours.
11:30 – Get nails done, get brows waxed. It’s been a while since my brows felt some hot wax.
1:00PM – Orthopedic appointment. My yeye trainer broke my arm.
3:00PM – Hit more shops. Maybe get my hair cornrowed. I’m getting tired of the weekly salon visits. This back to natural thing might be for the birds. Besides, this yeye running messes with my hair.
5:00PM – Get my Mexican. I can’t forget that.
5:30PM – Sayonara, Nanny. Hello, Blu.

How I Love the Modern Naija Man

I don’t say this often but I lurrrrr me some Naija men. Not all, some. In particular, I’m loving me the modern ones. I so love them. Coming from me, this is strange. I am not usually one to shower praises on Naija men. In fact, I have a post titled “Why You Shouldn’t Marry a Naija Man” dedicated to my FACS (free and clear sisters). I never published it because 1. It’s not entirely fair. 2. I married one. 3. I knew I’d regret posting it.

That’s besides the point. Today, I want to declare that I love me some Naija men. For so many reasons too. Let’s start with my cousin’s husband. We were on the phone chitchatting and he tells me that he’s staying home with the kids now because his wife got a new job making more money. Unbelievable. This, coming from a Naija man’s man? I found it hard to believe.

For the past two years, he’s worked, no, toiled for his family. Working incredible hours while my cousin went to school and took her professional exams. He supported the family rather generously; she got a new car and her dream house, they took vacations without him and lived the good life while he worked his butt off. Now, apparently, she’s got a great job that requires a lot of traveling and he’s taking care of their babies while she moves ahead in her career. He said all this to me with no ounce of somehow-ness. As in, he was very proud of her and it was clear to me that he was beaming with pride on the other end. Now, that’s just fab. Of course he’s not sitting on his butt all day, he’s got his PP that he runs on the side that brings in a ton of cash but the main gist of the story is that he’s happy to take care of the kids while she does her corporate thing.

The thing that’s pretty appealing to me about this is that I know so many men that will do the same thing. They’ll let their wives forge ahead while they take care of the home front. By take care of the home front, I don’t mean sit down and just watch the kids. These men would want to do a little more than that. As I rattle of the list in my head, it amazes me that these are all Naija men that I am thinking of. That’s just wonderful. We’ve come a long way in our generation. We’ve got men that support us, men that are happy to take care of the babies, men that take pride in their cooking and most importantly, men that are truly responsible and take their duties as fathers and husbands very seriously. It is really awesome. My friend’s husband makes the best desserts and brings some over every time they come and visit. Ain’t that a trip? A Naija man that’s not afraid to show people on the outside that he cooks.

It’s so easy to get together with your girls and complain that our (Naija) men don’t do this or that. The truth is that they’ve come a loooooooooong way from their dads. They are not their fathers. They love their children and their wives openly and deeply. It’s just such a wonderful thing.

How Mama Got Her Groove Back..Kinda

For the first time since Blu's birth, I had my first real big people's outing. As we were getting ready, I pointed out to DH that this was my first real big people's outing and he found that hard to believe. What about this person's event, he said, I was like that was a BABY shower! What about that person's thing, he said, and I replied: "YOU went and said you were representing us, remember?" Mae's 30th was my first real people's outing in a long time without a belly - yes o, my country self went to a few big people's events when I was expecting Blu. Anyway, there was no way I was going to miss out on this here gig. My friend Dolly had been hyping it forever saying there was going to be a soul singer, it was going to be in this new lounge, bla, bla, bla.

Thank God for sisters who agree to babysit, we had a reliable babysitter for Blu and we were all set to go. Not before he displayed for us well well. My boy did all sortsa things that prevented us from leaving the house on time. We finally got there and it felt so good to be out with my crowd. In no time, I had a resfreshing beverage in my hands and was enjoying the ambiance. Dolly and co really put their foot in it - they transformed the lounge big time with Mae's theme. I know who to call for my next gig.

The music was good, the soul singer was excellent, the beverages were a welcome change from what I've been used to, but two hours later, I started missing my Blu and mama had to go be with her baby. I heard the party was on until 3 in the morning and I missed out on a lot of major moments. All the same, I enjoyed the little time I spent at the party. Note to self: I's a mama now and I can't hang like I used to. At least not right now.

Clothing Drive

So, I've got the wheels set in motion for my clothing drive. February 16th is the deadline for my family, friends, co-workers, etc to give me new and gently used clothes for my children. My children = the children (1-18) in the orphanages in Naija and the newborn babies in Rwanda. I am so glad to have gotten it off the ground. I actually started telling people last year but received a couple of nasty emails.

There's always a silver lining though. One of my friends has been so super collecting donations on my behalf. This past weekend, she dropped off bags and bags of clothes and she's got more coming. God bless you, B! My lil' sis has also donated some new clothes fresh from France. God bless you, GB! So many people have promised to clear out their closets before my deadline. It's all wonderful. I can't wait to box them all up and ship them off to their final destinations.

DH and I somehow got talking about how many pens we have in the house. It's ridiculous. We have loads and loads of pens. It's also funny because at my desk at work, I always have to scramble to find my one lonesome pen. Anyways, I grabbed a handful on my way out the door ('cause I'm tired of looking for that one biro) and he was like why don't we ship some to Naija. I found that in itself so funny. Ship biros? Alrighty then. He was like, what if we got boxes and boxes and shipped them to kids in Naija schools? We talked some more about it and thought maybe after this clothes drive, we'll do a school supplies drive and find a school in Naija that we'll supply with all manner of school supplies. Neat, ain't it? We'll see about that if people aren't tired of me by then. Asking for donations can almost seem like begging. You have to be strong-willed about it.

I'm still looking for someone to ship my stuff to Naija and Rwanda. I heard there's some guy that'll ship for $2 per pound. That doesn't sound like a bad deal. If that doesn't work out, I'll use the good old US Postal Service. I'm hoping I can get a reliable shipping agent though. Anyone knows one in Atlanta, please let me know. I've heard of some people that'll do it but you have to get the stuff to New York.

Advice for 2008

I got this from a friend and some of the points the writer made struck a chord with me. The first one about discarding people or events that do me no good, for one. I noticed that after the birth of my son, I have been cautious about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. There are so many friends that have had to go and not necessarily because they were bad but because they didn't add value to my life or weren't positive. Anyway, enough talk. Here's the shortened version of someone's "Good Points for 2008". Some apply and some don't.

Good Points for 2008
Best Wishes in 2008!!
o Go through your cell phone, caller id, calendar, and email addresses and discard all the people and events that mean you no good or don't benefit your life!
I sure will. There are some people I ain't called in a while and something tells me I am not going to call them any time soon.
o Stop making excuses about your life and make changes!
True.
o If you are involved w/ a person, job, or circumstance that is doing more harm than good, do yourself a favor - LET IT GO!
Hmmm, this applies to many someones I know.
o Take care of your kids and devote a weekend or two when you spend "quality" time with them. Who cares if you miss out on a "mix"! You can
party anytime!
Okay, no nanny this weekend. She was scheduled to come for no particular reason. I'll ask her not to come. Next weekend though is a different story I've got something really exciting going that doesn't involve kids - Mama's gotta get her groove on.
o Get your debt in order! Eventually you'll want a nice home and car in your name!
In my case, you'll want to borrow money for business. So girl, keep your money straight.
o Listen more! Talk Less!
I agree. My lips are sealed.
o Tell him no for once!
Why? Whad’he do?
o Tell people you love them before your hear about some great tragedy inthe world or lose a close friend!
This is tough. I am Naija we don’t really say “I love you”.
o Stop being someone's mistress; especially if you are aware that youare!!!!
o Stop waiting on Tax Season and Save Now!
Wasn’t really waiting on tax season, Uncle Sam isn’t that generous. I do have to save a lot more though.
o Eat what you need and not just because you can!
This is so true. I need to cut back seriously.
o Be more positive and stop being a grouch!
Can I be a grouch in the mornings though?
o STOP HATIN! If you don't like my style, DO YOU!
o Start telling your children that when you're having a "grown folks" conversation, they need to go play. (Remember back when)
This is true. I see so many kids gleefully listening in on grown folks’ conversations. People, you can’t really code in your native tongue. Your kids are sharper than you think.
o Men and women! Cry more! It's therapeutic.
o Stop tripping about not being where you want to be! What have you beendoing to get there?!?
I am so guilty of this. I capital B all the time about how I am not where I want to be but don’t do anything to get there.
o If you aren't in relationship, it's not the end of the world! Self loveis waaaaay more valuable!
o Keep your opinion to yourself! We all know what others should do, but what about you?
This reminds me of a story about this HIV positive woman in Naija that was featured on CNN. She said “I have HIV but what about You?” People would sneer at her about her status but really, what about you/me?
o If God delivers you from a messy relationship, friend or situation, whydo you keep PULLING THEM BACK? Let it go!
I love that - delivered - sometimes we do need to be delivered from certain relationships, friends, or situations.
o FORGIVE! FORGIVE! FORGIVE! All of us have been forgiven for some low life things! So open your heart! Remember - God forgave you.
o Learn a new hobby! Broaden your mind.
True. I need to learn to bake. I have been saying that forever.
o If you're single, start going on more dates with different types of people. Don't just stick to the same type of woman or man!
Again this applies to many someones.
o Stop forwarding all the text messages you receive; everyone doesn't have unlimited text messages!!
LOL!
o Lastly, if it's only 5 minutes a day have a little talk with Jesus! Let Him know you want to be better today than you were yesterday and watch Him turn things around for you!
So true.